What is loneliness?

Might it be possible to not experience lonely without the other stuff? I don't see why it has to be straight to the idea that I'm somehow deluded or lying, rather than alternative explanations.

The additional problem is that I don't know what loneliness is - hence the thread

I didn't understand it until I was 25. I had this constant pain in my chest. I couldn't work out what it was. Then it was like some-one turned a light on in my brain and made the connection to loneliness. I lived my life in my disconnection mode.

I can overthink things until I am just confused. I wonder if you would find it helpful to put this question to the back of your thoughts for awhile. Loneliness is an emotion. Let your emotions tell you when the time is right.

I can't really argue with that
Though I suspect my sexuality and other mental issues affects this too - after all, I am never alone

I might take your advice and just out this on the back burner for a while. If it's not bothering me it likely doesn't matter.

No. Never feeling lonely is the benefit one gets when they're unable to form bonds. That other stuff is the consequences.

You've already described feelings of loneliness. You stated that you wanted a space for self-expression where you could feel validated and recognized. You're not merely seeking a playmate to alleviate boredom, but a meaningful connection and a sense of belonging. And when you were denied this, you felt saddened. That's exactly what loneliness is.

You may never feel alone, but your lover can't give you validation or recognition.

Hmmm... I think I disagree. But ok.

The feeling of being shunned isn't the same as feeling lonely.

Then what is the feeling of being shunned?

It depends also on who's doing the shunning. I was rather amused when the men's rights activists shunned me.

Ugh, I feel like I should be an expert on loneliness. If only I knew how to stop feeling it. Why don't you teach me how not to be lonely, Pygmalion?

No, loneliness is not the same thing as boredom. Loneliness is a longing to be with someone. It almost feels like a physical pain or an ache, like there's something missing inside of you. Not everyone reacts the same way. I think most people look for support of some kind. Some people try to bury themselves in work or binge on something to fill that emptiness. For me, it's mostly rumination and a desire to contact my ex. I try to find distractions or I force myself to remember all the horrible things he did and said. I've made some friends where I live now, but I miss the deep connection I had with him.

Basically rejection. Which is a criticism of your nature. You can feel lonely and not be rejected, you might just be in another location that the people you need to be with.

Sure, you can feel lonely for a number of different reasons. Broadly speaking, loneliness is a negative emotional response to isolation (note: "a" negative emotional response, not "the only" response). Isolation can result from an inability to communicate with loved ones, or from not having loved ones with whom to communicate. It's typical of lonely people to seek out meaningful connections and to experience sadness until meaningful connections are found. The OP sought out meaningful connections, was denied, and felt sadness as a result.

I dont think that an accurate characterisation, tbh.
I sought out fun interaction and was met with hostility. I can't see what that had to do with loneliness at all, tbh.

Then why does it bother you?

If you're just looking for fun times, join a Meetup group for like kite flying or something.

I have noticed that I get boredom and loneliness confused. I get bored easily and tend to build things in my mind that aren’t even real when I’m bored. I believe the stories I tell myself unless I find constructive things to think about or do.

I feel lonely if I don’t interact with people at all but I also get easily overwhelmed by too much social interaction. It’s a tricky balance.

Why does people being hostile to me bother me? Dunno. I want to be believed, treated well and respected. I don't want people to say nasty things to me. Same as I don't want people to punch me, I guess. But I don't see this as connected to loneliness??

I agree with the first bit. Indeed everything except the 'I get lonely' bit.

All right, fine. Here's my guide to alleviating boredom.

You said that people treat you with hostility, and you would like them not to do that. If you wish to be treated well and with respect, then fashion yourself an outward "persona" which is highly respectable. Become that persona whenever you engage in activities with other people. Once you get to the intermediate level, you can begin to craft different personas specific to a particular occasion.

Remember: You're only there to have fun in a social setting, not bond with anyone. If the "mask" fails and people are still being hostile toward you, don't worry about it. Just adjust the mask and try again.

Once you get bored of that, and you will, you may begin to desire hostile engagements, like I have. Well, I've always enjoyed hostile engagements. This is advanced stuff, and the objective is not to blend with the crowd, but to control it. A fun hobby of mine is to sneak into a community that would normally find my ideas objectionable (e.g. the Men's Rights Activists and extended "manosphere"), and then see how many of them I can convince over to the women's side before they kick me out. The shrinks call this "pro-social psychopathy." Using my evil for good.

Remember: There is nothing more powerful than an idea.

But I don't think I should have to wear a mask, I think people should have to engage with me as I am. Masks are work and make me feel irritated. Why should I change to accommodate them rather than the other way around?

Or, why not just ignore people who treat me meanly for being myself, and find people who don't?

This is exactly what I do. I ignore people who reject, shun, and judge me when I present my real self to them. I mean, there's no benefit for me to attach myself to friends or romantic relationships with people who want me to change for THEM. I'm not changing for anyone. And neither should you.

Do not waste another second accommodating other people. Either they accept you and like you for who you are, or they won't. Stick with the people who like you and accept you and dump the people who expect you to accommodate them by changing who you are.

Must they engage with you? Nooooo.

No one "has to" engage with you or anyone else. Likewise, you don't "have to" engage with anyone else. The trade-off to exposing your "true self" is that you might get rejected. It's a trade-off we all have to contend with. Hell, even the masks don't completely protect you from this risk.

Then do so. What's the problem?

Thing is, you know this from theory. That doesn't make you right. Sometimes different emotions are just separated by that they feel different. And theory doesn't stretch that far.

That said, antisocials are usually fun to communicate with since they usually ask totally different questions from everyone else. And they have the bluntness us aspies have naturally but are forced to use up lot of energy to polish away.

The problem was, as far as this thread was concerned, simply that I don't understand what loneliness is. And I still don't, lol. I can't see any consistent or satisfactory definition here. Again, I just can't see what separates loneliness from boredom.

Loneliness is not being able to be “alone” with yourself. Physically and/or psychologically. Plain and simple.

You've been given numerous different cogent responses, including those which are academic in nature and those which draw from personal experience. If you're still failing to understand it and curious as to whether or not you feel it, perhaps it's time to consult a professional. That being a therapist, of course.

As for us. I remain unconvinced, but you don't seem to want to discuss it in-depth. So... whatever. You do you, mate.

I don't see what you see regarding the responses ... My biggest confusion still being exactly what differentiates boredom from loneliness.

You got me.

Others have given their two cents on it as well, however. I think we've covered all the angles regarding this issue. Well, all the socially acceptable angles, anyway.