[shakespeare47]

I won't bore you with too many details, but lately I just don't want to spend time with my wife's family... She wants me to spend more time with them, but every time I'm around them- it's an ordeal for me.

The last time I spent any time with them, someone (I never met him before) from her extended family just came up and started yelling at me.

We're supposed to go to see her family again this Friday. But I doubt I'll go.

I'm okay with seeing them for short periods of time on holidays- but that's about all I can handle.

I suspect that most of the problem is that I have different religious and political views than the rest of them. They let met know that that is an issue for them. They also let me know that my choice of vocation is unacceptable to them.

[Zevvy]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I won't bore you with too many details, but lately I just don't want to spend time with my wife's family... She wants me to spend more time with them, but every time I'm around them- it's an ordeal for me.

The last time I spend any time with them, someone (I never met him before) from her extended family just came up and started yelling at me.

We're supposed to go to see her family again this Friday. But I doubt I'll go.

I'm okay with seeing them for short periods of time on holidays- but that's about all I can handle.

I suspect that most of the problem is that I have different religious and political views than the rest of them. They let met know that that is an issue for them. They also let me know that my choice of vocation is unacceptable to them.

He came up and started yelling at you? About what? How incredibly rude. You're a very kind and patient person for putting up with that kind of behavior for your wife's sake. Have you talked to her about their behavior? Maybe she'll be understanding if she knows how judgmental some of her family members are being.

[shakespeare47]

He came up and started yelling at you? About what?

It's difficult to describe. I remember at one point I innocuously asked "is that your dog"? (I didn't know whose dog it was) and he yelled sarcastically , "NO, THAT'S MY WIFE". At least I think it was sarcasm- maybe it was true, or maybe he thought it was true?

I've given up trying to talk to my wife about it. She either gets defensive, or just ignores what I say and then just keeps trying to get me to spend time with her family. It's gotten to be so bad, I usually drive separately- and then leave as early as I can get away. I think this Friday I'll just have to give her some excuse about why I can't go.


I think on some level she is starting to see the things they say and do to me, but apparently, their behavior is acceptable, as far as she is concerned.

[shakespeare47]

At this point, my plan is to spend as little time with her family as possible, without making much fuss about it.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I've given up trying to talk to my wife about it. She either gets defensive, or just ignores what I say and then just keeps trying to get me to spend time with her family. It's gotten to be so bad, I usually drive separately- and then leave as early as I can get away. I think this Friday I'll just have to give her some excuse about why I can't go.

To me, this raises serious questions. Your wife should not ignore your feelings. Is that ok with you? do you want it to be different?

I think on some level she is starting to see the things they say and do to me, but apparently, their behavior is acceptable, as far as she is concerned.

This is something that will not go away. Family resentments are toxic and can ruin a marriage. Have you considered couples counseling?

[MickeyCheeky]

I am so sorry they're treating you SO badly, @shakespeare47! You do not deserve this treatmen. I agree with you that perhaps it's better to spend as little time with them as possible. At the same time, though, I also agree with sarahsweets: it's not fair of your Wife to just ignore your feelings like that. It does needd to be discussed in my opinion. Perhaps Couple Counselling may be an option like she said. Give it a thought although I understand it may be difficult to convince your Wife. I wish you the best of luck this Friday and with whathever you decide to do! Keep us updated! I'll be thinking of you. Feel free to PM me anytime as well when you need to vent as my Inbox is always open for EVERYONE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your Wife, @shakespeare47! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!

[shakespeare47]

I'm not opposed to couple's therapy. I'll see what I can do...

Is that ok with you? do you want it to be different?

What I want right now is just to stay away from her family as much as possible. And I'd like for her to be okay with it. But, she isn't. I've created my own problem in a way- because I told her too much about how they've bothered me- which she reports back to them by the way. The solution is to stop making a fuss... and just not go.

[shakespeare47]

I achieved my goal. I'm not going, and I didn't make a fuss. Neither did she.