I wouldn't let her mail me a christmas card to my home address. she's like I want to send you the christmas card, but I kept telling her that I don't feel safe giving my address out to strangers
she kept asking me: so what's your address, I want to send you a card, which I don't, you have to be careful about that kind of thing- I know she probably meant well, but now she won't talk to me at all, not even say hi

personally I think it's a sill reason to not be friends with someone: she could have sent me an online card, or something like that

I don't think I'm in the wrong at all, I think the fact I didn't want to give my address out is perfectly fine

just feeling a little annoyed about it

I also get the feeling she wanted my address for other reasons.

clearly it meant a lot to her if she's going to stop talking to me over it

[Discombobulated]

That is rough.

I think a true friend would have listened and understood your concerns.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I wouldn't let her mail me a christmas card to my home address. she's like I want to send you the christmas card, but I kept telling her that I don't feel safe giving my address out to strangers
she kept asking me: so what's your address, I want to send you a card, which I don't, you have to be careful about that kind of thing- I know she probably meant well, but now she won't talk to me at all, not even say hi

personally I think it's a sill reason to not be friends with someone: she could have sent me an online card, or something like that

I don't think I'm in the wrong at all, I think the fact I didn't want to give my address out is perfectly fine

just feeling a little annoyed about it

I understand how you feel. I won't let people who I don't know have a picture of me unless I know for sure that I can trust them.

[happysobercrafter]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I wouldn't let her mail me a christmas card to my home address. she's like I want to send you the christmas card, but I kept telling her that I don't feel safe giving my address out to strangers
she kept asking me: so what's your address, I want to send you a card, which I don't, you have to be careful about that kind of thing- I know she probably meant well, but now she won't talk to me at all, not even say hi

personally I think it's a sill reason to not be friends with someone: she could have sent me an online card, or something like that

I don't think I'm in the wrong at all, I think the fact I didn't want to give my address out is perfectly fine

just feeling a little annoyed about it

@raging vortex

Good for you!!! She didn't respect your choice and you stood your ground!!
I am sorry she didn't value your decisions, but I am proud of you for standing up for yourself.

I have learned that a person who values your choices also values you.

I think you are fully justified in feeling annoyed. That would bother me too.

[Thunder Bow]

This was a scam to obtain your personal information. . Good move. Be proud.

[Fuzzybear]

I think if she was a genuine friend she would have understood and listened to your concerns.

This would bother me too.

Hugs

[unaluna]

I think they can put in a phony address change for you - this is definitely NOT innocent, and not a friend.

Boundaries are necessary esp. when it comes to online friends.

About 5 years ago, an online friend I made discerned my apartment street address from a photo I sent her of where I lived.

As a joke, she sent me a bouquet of flowers and signed it, "From the forum." I FREAKED OUT! because I believed I was being stalked by some creepy forum members there but then she fessed up and we were fine. We video skyped and talked on the phone with each other for about six months and then I lost touch with her and don't know what happened to her.

[Anonymous42019]

@raging vortex I am very sorry you experienced this. You should never have been put into such a dire and uncomfortable situation. The woman should have known better. I am glad you stood up for yourself and made your feelings known. It took a lot of courage. I am proud of you.

I feel for everyone who have been asked for one's home address. I've had similar at another forum and the forum staff did nothing to help which was why I resigned it, and never returned.

Every single one of us have boundaries and I know most let them be known from the outset of any special online friendship, so there should be no misunderstandings from the outset. Except some people just don't understand we have need for privacy, and also it is vitally improtant to feel safe as a member of a public forum. I, also, would not feel at all comfortable and would report anyone if they overstepped my boundaries!

I am glad and grateful that PC has such a good record of well moderated posts, and that many members look out for one-another. This is as important as any online community so respecting one's privacy should go really without question.

[~Christina]

If she couldn’t accept your not being comfortable with giving out your physical address then she isn’t a “ friend” you need in your life, sorry I know it sucks

She could have easily sent your a email card.

Raging Vortex, good for you for setting boundaries w this person and I'm impressed that you don't feel bad (some of us might feel guilt). Because you shouldn't! That's a perfectly ok thing to do and I'd feel the same.

In term of feeling annoyed, well, that might be me too, depending on the person and friendship, and I hope you are feeling calmer now Have a happy and safe holidays

[*Beth*]

How well did you know her? Have you spoken on the phone...do other online friends also know both of you? And what's the forum theme? There are so many aspects of this to consider. I have exchanged cards and gifts with online friends many times and it was wonderful. But I had known them for at least a year, spoken with some of them on the phone, and even met one in person.

If your friend is an honest person, and if you are positive that she's a reliable person...well, I would be hurt, too, if I asked to send a card and was told no.

[TishaBuv]

I agree you did the right thing and she should have understood and just sent you an online holiday greeting instead.

She might be genuinely wanting friendship that moves off line to real life, or she might be a scammer of some sort.

I also think the type of site made a difference. Like if it is some social site, maybe a hobby you share, people might be more apt to become friends IRL and see each other in person someday.

It’s a slippery slope. There are dating sites, where we meet people online and then see them in person to start the most intimate of all relationships. There are sites where, in general, we stay anonymous and don’t ever really meet.

I reconnected on facebook with friends from way back when I was a child, never really knew, and had they ever invited me to a party or something, I’d have gone. They never did though, lol.

I’ve only sent paper holiday cards to people I really knew in person, and knew well. Then there are people who send holidays cards because they do business with you.

So I’m on the fence regarding your on line friend in this case. Maybe she wanted to be thought of as more than ‘a stranger’ and you were only comfortable being friends with her online in an anonymous way. That was the reason she stopped talking to you, because she’s hurt that she thought more of you than you did of her. Or she’s a scammer? IDK

[*Beth*]

That's the bottom line for me...it all depends upon the site she and you are on.


The women I have exchanged cards and gifts with, we had all gone through miscarriages & were on a support site. There was a core group of around 8 of us and we got to know each other really well. 14 years later, we're still in contact with each other.


It's all a matter of the site, how long you've known each other, and your gut feeling (intuition).