[Cardooney]

I have a lot of stuck energy it seems.

I completed some of my little goals this weekend, but it gave me little satisfaction...perhaps because I’m on the verge of a shift, or growth and that feels more important than my little goals.

I feel so powerless. And I am getting very tired of if that feeling.

I feel like I have more potential than I exercise. My confidence level has always been dismal so I think that keeps me stuck, My mind has always been more active than me. I feel frustrated trying to articulate the concepts that are in my mind. I am so frustrated I could scream. But I am so patient and content! I cannot connect myself.

I feel like I’m wasted potential. I think I want to be and could be a part of something meaningful, but it feels like I’m stuck in limbo. I can understand that I do and have plenty compared to some and at the same time I do and have little compared to some, including my peers. But people get out there and I can’t. I show up for obligations and then I’m spent.

I could stick my neck out more, but then again...

I have always felt the yearning to do more, but no passion. Compulsion drives me, not passion. I have visions of what I want from time to time, but I do not know what these visions are based on. For example, for several years I envision a shelf full of binders or books that I have created, but all the time my mind imagines different contents of the binders and books. It changes so often, and I might create content, but i fizzle out. I just don’t see the point. Perhaps because I think that what is on the shelf has no audience, or I worry about burdening whoever may inherit the fruits of my labor. I also envision showing my sculptures or reading my poetry, but again, I wonder what’s really to gain? A “good job” or a “that’s lovely”

I grow a garden, and I delight in the effort, but then what happens if I don’t tend it! It will become overgrown and someone will slash it down.

I rationalize away my passion. I’m an artist and creator but I can be so practical it’s painful.

I think I must be burned out. I have toiled a lot and I wish I could just research and give ideas, ask questions, brainstorm and collaborate. Design. Create. I am wasting my time so often and I can’t stop myself from doing it because I have nothing I’m passionate to spend my time on. It’s all work. All I see is work.

I am so bored!!! And I feel so guilty admitting that!

[bpcyclist]

Artists create art. So, if you want to create, you should create. You can't worry about those binders or what you will do with it when you are finished. Who will buy it. That's not the point of art.

If, on the other hand, you lack passion for your art, for the creative process, then maybe you do need to look into other productive ways of spending your time. Do you have any other hobbies? Have you contemplated embarking on one? Maybe you could travel. Volunteer somewhere. Do you like animals? Perhaps there is something there for you. On and on. There are a million things to do. You just need to put some energy into it.

[MickeyCheeky]

It seems like perhaps we have similar struggles, @Cardooney. I, too, don't really know how to spend my time efficiently. I have ideas but I don't feel like I'd be good in any of them. I keep askng myself "What's the point?". I'm not sure if you can relate. Either way, it must be REALLY HARD for you to get through ALL of this ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN and I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY! I TRULY, REALLY AM! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! @bpcyclist gave you some WONDERFUL advice. Just try to understand what you may be interested in doing. So yes, definitely follow @bpcyclist's advice and hopefully things will start to get better for you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SOON! I hope you'll be able to find the motivation that you NEED and DESERVE! EVERYTHING I'VE JUST SAID IS ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND YOU ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY KNOW THAT'S ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AS WELL EVEN IF IT'S ALL DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU BECAUSE IT ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY IS! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need someone to talk to or vent to or even some advice and support! I'LL TRY TO GET BACK AT YOU AS SOON AS I POSSIBLY CAN! I PROMISE YOU THAT! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! I am SURE plenty of others will ALSO GLADLY, BEAUTIFULLY, GENEROUSLY, KINDLY, CARINGLY, DEEPLY, SWEETLY, SMARTLY, INTELLIGENTLY, WISELY AND WONDERFULLY HELP YOU OUT AS WELL IF YOU JUST ASK! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Cardooney, your family, your friends, your Doctors, your Therapista and ALL of your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY and that you're GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! I TRULY, REALLY AM! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK? PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!

[Cardooney]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Artists create art. So, if you want to create, you should create. You can't worry about those binders or what you will do with it when you are finished. Who will buy it. That's not the point of art.

If, on the other hand, you lack passion for your art, for the creative process, then maybe you do need to look into other productive ways of spending your time. Do you have any other hobbies? Have you contemplated embarking on one? Maybe you could travel. Volunteer somewhere. Do you like animals? Perhaps there is something there for you. On and on. There are a million things to do. You just need to put some energy into it.

Thank for the encouragement. I could never stop creating art. It is me, but I think maybe I use it for expression, and once I’ve expressed, I’m still left with so much work left to do, and then I lose passion for my piece. Or, I’m not satisfied with my result. I used to draw a lot, but then felt like there was no end product with drawing. I started painting, and loved it for a couple years, but then it feels like obligation to get what’s on the canvas to match what’s in my mind and I never quite got there. I teach myself but I also don’t care enough to really learn technique.

I started creating large paper mache art, but I build something large which I so thoroughly enjoy, but then I feel like it’s such a burden to finish all the detail. I have projects that are not finished, and I hope I will finish them someday and show them off (I guess). I hate to think I’m wasting my time with art, but what if I am? If the pieces are bought by someone, maybe that would seem better. But for now, I feel like a grown woman playing with hobbies and I feeling so serious anymore for that. My complaints don’t necessarily make sense, I know. I’m trying to figure out why I feel so disconnected from myself as an artist when art is something I’ve always done. I think I want to be part of a production.

I have tried to get involved with local theatre on sets, but they of course already have their people for that. Maybe I should try again?

I would love to travel I think, but I have a ft job, a family, and no money. I used to come up with so many fun ideas for my family. By now, I’m dried up in little things and craving so much more.

I must really be burned out.
I wish I was using my talent for my work, but instead I am paper pushing in an unhappy profession. There is no joy in my profession. I think that is my problem. My soul is needing nourishment.

[bpcyclist]

Burnout is real. It happens. What about using your obviously quite advanced skillset in a slightly different way? What about finding a place or two where you could teach art to people who want to learn about it? That might inject some new meaning into what you are doing. Helping others. Also, I think you should march on down to that theater and any others in your area and make an inquiry. You never know. They may be unhappy with their current situation. They may need help due to workload. Their current art people may be about to go back to school or move or have a baby or whatever. You don't know if you don't inquire. And I have found that the universe is often kind just when I think I have no shot. Just some thoughts.

[Cardooney]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

It seems like perhaps we have similar struggles, @Cardooney. I, too, don't really know how to spend my time efficiently. I have ideas but I don't feel like I'd be good in any of them. I keep askng myself "What's the point?". I'm not sure if you can relate. Either way, it must be REALLY HARD for you to get through ALL of this ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN and I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY! I TRULY, REALLY AM! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! @bpcyclist gave you some WONDERFUL advice. Just try to understand what you may be interested in doing. So yes, definitely follow @bpcyclist's advice and hopefully things will start to get better for you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SOON! I hope you'll be able to find the motivation that you NEED and DESERVE! EVERYTHING I'VE JUST SAID IS ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND YOU ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY KNOW THAT'S ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AS WELL EVEN IF IT'S ALL DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU BECAUSE IT ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY IS! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need someone to talk to or vent to or even some advice and support! I'LL TRY TO GET BACK AT YOU AS SOON AS I POSSIBLY CAN! I PROMISE YOU THAT! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! I am SURE plenty of others will ALSO GLADLY, BEAUTIFULLY, GENEROUSLY, KINDLY, CARINGLY, DEEPLY, SWEETLY, SMARTLY, INTELLIGENTLY, WISELY AND WONDERFULLY HELP YOU OUT AS WELL IF YOU JUST ASK! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Cardooney, your family, your friends, your Doctors, your Therapista and ALL of your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY and that you're GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! I TRULY, REALLY AM! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK? PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!

Thank you, Mickeycheeky! I wrote a reply to you earlier but now I don’t see It?? I will try to stay motivated and make peace with myself and my frustration. I hope you find satisfaction, too.

[Cardooney]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Burnout is real. It happens. What about using your obviously quite advanced skillset in a slightly different way? What about finding a place or two where you could teach art to people who want to learn about it? That might inject some new meaning into what you are doing. Helping others. Also, I think you should march on down to that theater and any others in your area and make an inquiry. You never know. They may be unhappy with their current situation. They may need help due to workload. Their current art people may be about to go back to school or move or have a baby or whatever. You don't know if you don't inquire. And I have found that the universe is often kind just when I think I have no shot. Just some thoughts.

I could check out the theatres if I work up the courage.
I think i understand what’s happening in my mind after chatting this through...I feel like i toil and stress and I fear it’s for “nothing.” and to be honest, I feel resentful at work and I have low morale due to comments made by my bosses about other people. I think of art because it’s me, even if I have absolutely nothing to show for it. But art isn’t comforting to me right now because it just seems like more work for me to do. I have little joy right now and am feeling weathered and beat down. I have more challenges ahead. I need positive connections!