How do you let go of victim of mentality?

How does a person get out of victim mentality and move on with their lives? What coping skills are there to use?

The more you reach out to others, grow as a person, and try new things, I think, the more you get out of victim mentality, and into seeing yourself as playing an active, positive part in your own life.

It's a hard one for lot's of reasons, especially if you have things and people around you who want you to stay in it.
I found it's something I have to work on every day.
I think it started for me when I did get away from those things and people who were doing that and started to see my worth and really get that my life is something that deserves good things.
It's a start anyway.

What a great thread.

I deal with this virtually every single day of my life. What I have found for me is that no one thing or even couple of things is fully sufficient to battle this problem of mine. It has become a whole bunch of different things relied on at different times that have allowed me to go on. It is a lot of work for me to stay out of victimhood, I won't lie. But I keep on trying.

Here are a few of my most commonly used skills/things/whatever you want to call them: prayer, meditation and mindfulness activities, Buddhist breathing techniques, exercise, tons and tons of DBT stuff, CBT, REBT, Shame Resilience, reading inspirational things by people like Jesus, Thich Nhat Hanh, Brene Brown, Pema Chodron, VIktor Frankl, AA, NA, and more specifically, the AA/NA principle of radical acceptance, watching videos and TV shows about animals, which in me, allows me to briefly experience feelings of love and even joy, which I otherwise do not have any of in my life. So, this one is actually more than a DBT activity, just to be clear. It is able to activate in my brain important, positive emotions I almost never would experience otherwise. So, I do it.

These are my go-to's. I do believe that perhaps the single most impressive piece of writing on this topic for me, other than certain personally important religious/spiritual works, is Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. Just mind-blowing. Short. You can read it in a day. Could be worth checking out.

I am sorry if nothing I posted helps you. Praying for you and thinking of you.

When you say 'victim mentality' what do you mean? I ask because so often we are told we are "playing the victim" even when we are a victim. "playing the victim" has such a negative connotation. Are you a victim and you need to move on? Or are you someone who feels always that they are a victim of everything and want to make a change?

I was a victim (of childhood abuse, marital abuse, church abuse and molestation), however I never thought of myself as a victim, but as an overcomer; it is a matter of perception.

Great question buffy. I think it has to do with taking back one's own power within. So if one has been frequently victimized, the response can be "I won't let that happen again" or one stands up for oneself when it happens. Developing strong boundaries and a strong sense of self help to combat being or feeling victimized.

I struggle with this. I read The Power of Ted, so I know that the "Creator" role is much better. According to the author, people are either in a victim role or a creator role. There are a few other roles but these are the main ones. Being a creator means you take full responsibility for your life and make decisions for empowerment. Ted stands for the Empowerment Dynamic. I definitely want to be more empowered.

I will have to try that out.

I grew up in a toxic environment and can't get out. I'm always around negative people at home. I'm trying to no longer be a victim.

I will keep this in mind. Thank you for the information.

Another thing is realizing that a lot of people project their own issues onto everyone else or blame other people for their issues and problems. A part of not being a victim is to not absorb others' projections or issues. Other people's problems are for them to own, not for anyone else to take ownership of or absorb. Many people victimize others through projection and blame.

I was always a victim of being bullued, scape goat. I want to change my life.

I will have to keep that in mind. I will add that to my positive quotes.

It’s hard to stand up to bullies. The first thing is to try to avoid them. Get away from them. Don’t put yourself in a situation to get bullied. How are you at this skill?

I was mentally and physically abuse and survive attempt sexual assault

I'm looking for way to stop taking things personally and putting up healthy boundaries.

It hard to get away when they live with you and you can't get away.

My tactic is to try to take distance. Get as much as I can out of myself and my own Egotistic needs to reach out the other person. As “something” separate from me. It’s not easy.
So as to see what’s and what’s not objective, what is understandable and what can be endured by you or you are ready to endure. It’s a way to find yourself in the other person.

I never heard of "the power of Ted" I will check it out. Thanks for letting me know.

I will have to try that out.

Good post

Good post

Good thread. Thank you Buffy, this stuff helps me too.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with bullies in your home. How unsettling. I agree that distancing yourself in any way would be good and to remember that people who are jerks, bullies, and mean, are projecting their "stuff" onto us and to not get sucked in.

Buffy, I can relate. I am trying to do the same thing. I'd love to learn more about how to create healthy boundaries. I take things far too personally at times, when it's someone else's issues at play, and not mine.