Feeling sad and isolating myself

@BethRags @StreetcarBlanche

My story is similar to yours. I learned codependent behaviors at a young age in an attempt to make myself lovable and in an attempt to make our house a happy home. The control and people pleasing started early for me. I know this is the reason my friendships are like this. What I can’t figure out it why I know this yet I still fall into the pattern. I’m learning to see what I do early on though and step back. But still, I don’t know why I am not just more careful to begin with.

@LilyMop it's programming. Our parents' dysfunctional parental behavior programmed our socialization skills as children. We learned what we know from them as our role models. That's what I think anyway. The pattern of codependency is so difficult to break. I still do it. And I don't like that about myself. At least I'm self-aware of it now whereas I didn't have a name for it in my 20s despite some therapy back then (so, terrible therapists perhaps for not recognizing it). I still have to go back to my Melody Beattie resources for codependency. It's really a lifelong pattern of damaging behavior with relationships. The hardest part for me, is nurturing myself. That's still not something I'm used to doing. I can help everyone else, no problem. But myself? That's the struggle.

I completely understand how you feel because I feel like this myself all the time. You are not alone.

That is great advice I wish that I had thought about that myself.

Good luck to all of you!! Thank goodness for PC!! Lots of hugs & love to you!!

I think people pleasers are just sensitive to other people's feelings and want to make them feel better. It is a matter of balance. If we spend too much time tuning into other people's feelings and helping others then we can lose touch with ourselves. In this video, Sarah talks about how anxiety is the road to enlightenment. Our anxiety tells us where we need to shift our life. We have anxiety when we are not following our soul's yearning. Hopefully, your meditation will help you get in touch with your true path. If we can find our true path and immerse ourselves in it, I think things in our life will start falling in place. If we lived in the same town, I would love to go to meditation with you. You are one of my favorite social media connections!

MOON MAGIC - Aquarius New Moon 2020

@TunedOut

I hadn’t thought of anxiety leading me down another path- so long as I tune into what my soul is yearning for. I would love to go to meditation class with you I have found a few guided meditations that seem to be helping me. One of them even says to tune into your heart’s wildest desires and that’s not something I’ve done in a very long time. Thank you.

I'm sending hugs, respect, and kind thoughts

I isolate myself most of the time. I protect myself. It's weird, because I really love most people. I wish I could be myself, the way I feel inside.

When I am thinking of unpleasant things, I have found that listening to Abraham Hicks is helpful. While it is important to acknowledge and process our sadness, it is also important to eventually move on from those feelings. After naming what we are feeling (sad), then find a pleasant distraction. We can slowly learn to move on from sadness. When I have a bad day, usually, after a good night's sleep, I feel better in the morning. Praying that we can all move away from our sadness!
Abraham Hicks - Going General Is The Answer To All Negative Emotion

I want to add that, because so many people here struggle with sadness and isolation as I sometimes do--I know it is not easy. My struggle lasted at least 8 years and still comes and goes. It is a symptom of unfortunate behaviors/decisions (we need to forgive ourselves and change or perhaps someone treated us badly or we were involved in a trauma that just happened such as a car accident, etc). The situation can be complicated and you may feel stuck. I now recognize that I can only improve my situation when I get myself into a positive mood. Just being positive isn't the only answer--sometimes we need to reach out, fix things, etc. but I can only make improvements when I get in a positive state of mind. It is a work in progress for me.

Thanks for sharing that.

I think there are different kinds of "codepency" traits in individuals that can create problems for them that they don't realize.

My older sister would say SHE was trained to be codependent and she is the oldest child. The problem with her is that she tends to be mean and bossy and she enters a room of people where her presence is TOO CONTROLLING and even negative and unapproachable. My sister's presence NEVER changed from when she was a child where she believed HER WAY had to be THE WAY and people are constantly put off by her. She will say she is compassionate BUT SHE ISN'T. She will say her two younger siblings don't love or care about her, but all she does is COUNT and CONTROL when she is around them. She doesn't KNOW how to be happy FOR her two younger siblings either when they share things they accomplish or have or do. Instead her mentality tends to be resentment for HER not having whatever they have. My sister fails to recognize that she tends to take on some kind of judgement role and she condescends and she can be "fake". Her chant is "poor me, poor me" yet she doesn't realize that no one wants to be around her because of her "attitude". If someone fails to do things or say things HER WAY, she simply ignores them and sits in herself wanting to punish them for somehow offending her. If you suggest something to her that she decides is beneath her? She either ignores or doesn't respond or slowly decides the person is failing to recognize how she is more SUPERIOR than that. Yet, she will lament about "codependancy".

A lot depends on how a person understands codependancy and the role they play that they may not fully understand. My older sister is one I have always had to walk on eggshells around, and my codepency is different from her as she ALWAYS needed to be SUPERIOR. After all she was the oldest child. For myself, certain types of individuals can trigger me, and they typically tend to need to be SUPERIOR. They tend to have an air about them that they don't even know that repel others too.

Sometimes, the role a child is put into can be a lifetime curse they don't even realize.