Taking things personally

I have problems with taking things personally. I know most people take things personally (I read an article about how it's a survival mechanism), but for it's much more intense.

I have recently turned 18 and up until a few months ago I could not handle any criticism whasoever. I can handle it if we're doing peer reviews in writing class, becuase of the context of the situation. But in all other circumstnaces I either get defensive, or I silently crumble and implode.

Up until I was like 15 or 16 I would start crying and go into an emotional meltdown over my dad telling me I'm not doing a chore the correct way or something else wrong. Inside, I would take it as evidence that I was a worthless human being, that I was stupid or half-developed. Now that I am a bit older I understand he was merely trying to help me do the chore faster and better, and that he was porbably just trying to teach me how to do things, but it took me only up until recently to begin to realize this, and when someone points out a mistake I still might get a little defensive, or silently believe I am stupid and can't do anything right. Keep in mind, I am 18 and only recently have I begun to realize how sensitive I was being, and still am.

Whenever I hear my parents talking in the other room, I will sometimes mute the tv for a few secs to make sure they aren't talking about me. I know it's wrong to eavesdrop but that's how bad my problem is.

Whenever I walk by a group of people I don't know and they're laughing, they must be laughing at me; maybe I'm walking funny or my outfit looks stupid or they just don't like me.

I have never been abused, and I do not understand where this problem comes from. The only trauma or event I can think of is my mom was a drug addict and bipolar, but I have not seen her since I was 5 y/o. My dad is a great person and he took me away from that situation and raised me pretty much on his own.

Anyone else deal with these issues? Anyone else this sensitive? Anyone else take the smallest mistakes they make as evidence that they are inferior, stupid, or annoying?

Yes, I can relate, @Bookworm257! I wasn't abused either and yet I feel this way. I am not sure what my reason may be, or yours, unfortunately. However, I think it's important to acknowledge this and to work on it. Have you already talked to your parents about ALL of this? I'd suggest to talk to your parents about ALL of this and see how it goes from there. Just tell them that you're feeling overwhelmed by ALL of this and that you're having trouble handling it. I am sure that they will acknowledge your struggles with ALL of this and try to help you in any way they can! Perhaps seeing a Therapist may be a good idea as well to find out what the root cause may be, if there's any. Please try to be kinder to yourself and acknowledge that you're already making LOTS of progress by acknowledging your own struggles! I am sure things will improve as you gain more knowledge of yourself and more knowledge of the people around you. Keep trying your best! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Bookworm257, your Family, your Friends, your Parents and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIEND?!

Yes, you are not alone but it’s not healthy and it can influence your life a lot.
It’s like a chain, right? Everyone has the instinct to want to be accepted by the tribe. Our “surviving” depends on our acceptance. We have this in our DNA.
You showed a big compassion for understanding your dad’s behaviour.
But, you were the right one this case.
Telling someone who is learning, to do this or that faster or better is pretty egotistic and rude. Each person has his or her own pace to do stuff.
I’m not telling you that your dad had bad intentions, sure he hadn’t but the stress on the mistake, that on another side, it’s something needed and welcome when someone is learning could send the error message “ You are unable, you are not good enough, you don’t do things well”.
Yes, another perfectionist here who takes things personally.

I don’t know what to tell you for you to feel better. You and I, have to break these chains.

This may be due to your ASD challenge Bookworm. And quite honestly anyone with any challenge can struggle with feeling not good enough somehow. You are at the age now were a person can definitely be sensitive like this so it's not just you.

It is difficult to live in an unsensitive world, but in a way it is a gift;;it allows us to empathize. There is a book called the Highly Sensitive Personality (HSN) and I am one of those...we need more sensitive people in the world.

Yes I can relate to pretty much everything you wrote. I was abused growing up and felt very unloved. Scapegoat of the family. When anyone criticizes or makes fun of me I feel hurt or angry. You mentioned walking by a group of people laughing and think they are laughing at you. I have felt this too. I've had so many people in my life treat me like crap and assume everyone else will criticize, mock or make fun of me. Not a good feeling. It took a traumatic event in my life to make changes. I woke up one day and realized I'm putting up with crap and why should I care if someone makes fun of me. I look at it now as it's their problem not mine. People who laugh, mock or make insensitive comments are usually insecure and bully to make themselves feel better. I tell myself be very grateful I'm the opposite. Do I still feel hurt? Yes but not as much. Right now I'm going through a tough time and those feelings of vulnerability are center stage.

Despite the crap I dealt with I turned into a empathetic person. That trait is one of the most important to have in your life

It is quite possible that these background events could be affecting the way you see yourself and how sensitive you are to constructive criticism.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) such as having a parent with a substance use disorder are known to increase children's vulnerability to a variety of negative health consequences.

You can learn more about ACEs and find your own ACEs score here: https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/

This is great to hear! Even so, those first few years are super important and your mother's difficulties therefore could still be affecting you. What would you think of (or have you ever tried) seeing a therapist to help you look at the issues you raise, and make some progress on them?

I've had and somewhat still have this problem. I'm repeatedly verbally abused by my dad and one two partners as well. I've a lot of anxiety too. I feel no one really wants me and speak bad at my back. I feel I'm dressed weird, I don't have proper restaurant etiquettes, I'm annoying people etc... It's hard. But I'm working on it. Try to meditate. Many times things aren't personal. Like a friend saying something negative could be reason that they're jealous or just have some problem. Just yesterday one of my friend told me you're boring me and told me I've muted your messages. I mean that was quite rude of him! He is generally rude and inconsiderate towards people. But obviously it doesn't justify and I felt hurt. Because now I feel that I'm annoying him, he doesn't want to talk to me and I shouldn't message him I'm just forcing myself on him. .. like all these feelings from one comment. I mean if I say someone they're boring I don't think they would be hurt or so bothered about it right. But already I'm struggling with my mental health recently, so that is overflow of emotions. But I'm trying to take it a little lightly. If I cannot after a few days I'll tell.him clearly what I feel maybe. . .. So I'm saying is you have two options either to take it lightly let it go and take it in a positive way like ya ok you feel.bored of me I'll try not to be or I'll talk less. Or else you can have a honest conversation about it.

Sometimes I have problems with self confidence. When I do something wrong I can't seem to forgive myself for it. I have problems with poor posture and I am hurt when my mom points it out. I end up feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I also don't like when I get yelled at for making a mistake or doing bad on a test.
My advice for you is to listen to calm, relaxing music. Plus, everyone makes mistakes and goes through something stressful.