Needy and clingy

Discombobulated · Oct 11, 2019, 04:15 PM

The title pretty much says it all.

I wish I didn't feel that way.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Has anyone dealt with it successfully?

TishaBuv · Oct 11, 2019, 04:19 PM

I can feel needy but try not to show it out of fear of pushing someone away farther.

If you just tell the person you care and appreciate them, and don’t smother them, they will likely give you back some love.

sarahsweets · Oct 12, 2019, 04:28 AM

Do you mean with a partner or significant other?

Discombobulated · Oct 12, 2019, 06:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I can feel needy but try not to show it out of fear of pushing someone away farther.

If you just tell the person you care and appreciate them, and don’t smother them, they will likely give you back some love.

I try not to show it too. I think I mostly do a good job. I do suppress it a lot however and it doesn't go away inside.

I guess this is why I am posting it in emotions rather than relationships forum - although It's a cross over.

I would like not to feel this way inside. I don't think I always have.

Discombobulated · Oct 12, 2019, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Do you mean with a partner or significant other?

I can sometimes feel that way with my husband but really it is across all friendships. It's worse with other friendships because I feel less secure in them than I do with my H.

I don't have many friends, I struggle in that area.

Oct 15, 2019, 05:06 PM

I do not believe anything can be done about it except suppress not show. In my opinion it will always be there and is not something than can be talked, rationalised or therapied away.

That is just my opinion

Discombobulated · Oct 15, 2019, 05:18 PM

I wonder too whether it is just an integral part of who I am.

There was a person I was feeling needy around and I confided in them. They were really cool about it and I was able to admit my vulnerabilities. This made me feel a lot easier and the neediness reduced hugely.

I guess it was acknowledging feelings, but letting them go somehow.

LilyMop · Oct 15, 2019, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

The title pretty much says it all.

I wish I didn't feel that way.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Has anyone dealt with it successfully?

Do you end up pushing people away due to fear of vulnerability from being needy?

Discombobulated · Oct 16, 2019, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyMop

Do you end up pushing people away due to fear of vulnerability from being needy?

I feel I might do sometimes.

LilyMop · Oct 16, 2019, 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

I feel I might do sometimes.

I think I do too sometimes. I think probably a lot of people do because it’s difficult to be vulnerable.

MickeyCheeky · Oct 16, 2019, 08:19 AM

I definitely feel needy and clingy as well!

I COMPLETELY agree with ALL the other wise and wonderful posters!

Other than try to resist to those PERFECTLY NATURAL inclinations and keep them inside you, perhaps it would be a good idea to just tell your Friends and whoever else you're struggling with in regards to this and talk to ALL of them about ALL of this? Do you feel like they may understand your Struggles and perhaps help you with them and don't judge you for it? If they're TRUE Friends and if they TRULY Love You they should help you to cope with what you're Struggling with, in my opinion!

Other than that, My Advice would be to see a Therapist if you aren't already seeing One and talk to Him/Her about ALL of this! Remember that we're here for you as well and that WE WON'T JUDGE YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME or ANYONE ELSE AS WELL as I'm sure PLENTY of others will be glad and happy to LISTEN TO YOU AND TO HELP YOU OUT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Discobombulated, your Family, your Friends, your Husband, your Relatives, your Parents, your Children, your Uncles, your Cousins, your Grandparents, your Therapist, your Pdoc, your Doctors, your Nurses and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking no matter what happens, ok?

KEEP IT UP! BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!

Discombobulated · Oct 16, 2019, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyMop

I think I do too sometimes. I think probably a lot of people do because it’s difficult to be vulnerable.

Yes it is difficult to sit with those emotions- feeling vulnerable. It makes me feel really uncomfortable to need others - and that in turn is uncomfortable to admit.

The thing for me is when I ask myself how would I react if someone admitted to me they felt needy and clingy I know I would be compassionate towards them.

I notice how many people left me hugs here. They are compassionate towards me.

It feels like we need self compassion here too. Maybe that is part of the answer.

Discombobulated · Oct 16, 2019, 09:45 AM

Thanks MickeyCheeky, I feel you may be right about disclosure. I think sometimes disclosure can help as long as it's with the right person.

I am lucky in that I can tell my husband pretty much everything- when we were first dating he said I was clingy, I guess that stuck with me, but it was a long time ago. We have talked it through many times since and he is supportive.

Other friends, some are closer than others, sometimes I feel I can discuss, sometimes not.

Perhaps it is about trust, both trusting others and trusting myself to make the right decision who to trust.

TunedOut · 04:18 PM

I try not to be clingy though I have been a few times--it was unusual for me. When it happened, it helped me feel a little more sensitive to the feelings of others. It hurt but sometimes the things that hurt most help us grow. I think I learned not to get too clingy with most because I am the oldest in my family. When you are the oldest of three--you are the "cat's meow" then the middle child takes your place.

By the time the youngest comes along--your mom's hand's are full. I think I was a little hurt by it (I was very spoiled until my place was taken

lol) but never realized it until recently. I think I might be more insensitive than clingy! But I realize this and am trying to be a better person.

So in my case--I showed vulnerability, got hurt when they didn't feel as I did but they did me a huge favor--this person was both kind but also frank. They didn't feel the same way. I accept this. Acceptance is such a hard lesson but things don't always turn out as we wish or we might not get it. Maybe I was immature. Sure wish I had grown up at an earlier age--like before having children..

Also, I was very tough on my mom but then there is something called karma--I have been through a tough time too but I am fortunate that there is more help out there now than there was for my mom. Not that my mom was perfect or anything like that--it is just that I sympathize with what she went through more now.

Christmas cookie · Nov 09, 2019, 06:38 PM

Yes I have felt needy and clingy. It occurred in my child and teen years. I never felt loved by my abusive parents. A male teacher was compassionate towards me when I injured myself in the classroom. He kept comforting me. I suddenly felt cared for. After school I asked if I could study in his classroom. He allowed it. I couldn't bring myself to talk about the abuse I was suffering. I spoke about other minor things. One day he told me it would be best if I see the school counsellor and basically said I couldn't stay after school. He was never inappropriate with me. It's possible he was trying to protect himself in case of suspicion at school. I felt so hurt and abandoned. After that I distanced and never allowed myself to feel vulnerable. It hurt more to be abandoned so I put a wall up.

trackTrax · Nov 11, 2019, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

The title pretty much says it all.

I wish I didn't feel that way.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Has anyone dealt with it successfully?

I might be .. its weird I am really independent till I find a girl I like...
Then its like all her attention should be on me, and I should know all her secrets, I hate this ..