[MaryJane83]

Hello everyone,

I have met a guy. Because of the lockdown we haven't met in real life yet, but we are online dating. (Video chat). If I see that he is online on the datingsite where we've met, I want to scream at him and I want to break off contact. The thought that he might prefer someone else makes me feel so sad and alone. I don't say anything about this to him of course, I keep my (crazy) feelings to myself.

This is all me, I have had this with every guy I've met. This man is really nice, interested in me, etc. He writes me every day, responds to my messages, video chats with me. But little things he says can already trigger my anxiety.

Sadly, I am very insecure and I feel often hurt and rejected by little things. Even though I know that I am exaggerating, I can't stop myself from having those feelings. I have had a lot of therapy and I am on meds and things have improved the last couple of years.

But still... It makes me feel so sad that I might never be "sane" enough to be in a nice relationship. It is something I long for but I manage to screw it up every time I meet someone nice.

Thanks for reading!

MJ

[lady411]

Don’t worry. I think a lot of the things you’re going thru I went thru then myself in previous relationships s as bd even in my marriage. But good communication with your SO goes a long way. That way your SO can know how you feel and if he really cares then he will be there for you. Best wishes!

[MaryJane83]

Thank you. I know that communication is important. But the point is that I start spiraling because of my own thoughts. I can't talk about this to the guy I've met, because that would be way to early.

[lady411]

Maybe it might be best to take some time to work on yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to talk about anything right away with him then he might not be a good match for you. Taking time to work on yourself can be the best gift you can give to your SO even if it’s not the one you are currently seeing. If he really cares he will be patient.

[Hi IM Dan]

Hi Mary,

I wonder if we program a person on how to interact with us? Meaning if your upfront and open yourself up early will this lead him to be open and upfront with you. If you show him your not embarrassed to be possibly be embarrassed like showing a little jealousy early on or whatever other thoughts hell be more likely to act some what similarly.

Sometimes someone may say something personal and little do they know they just peaked my interest because I was able to relate to them even if I didn't say something back to show this.

Just food for thought. Best wishes as well.

[AzulOscuro]

I understand your worries. As you say you have just met him. You can’t tell him all your past story of course, but maybe, if you can tell him that you have an insecure personality, the guy will understand you a little better and be prepared for the difficulties.
And please, don’t think any relationship is perfect, either. Any relationship have difficulties because there are two parties. You don’t have anything wrong and you are working on your issues as I can deduce from your post.
I understand that you are very scared. There are marvellous people who are gonna be ok with you and accept you as you are, with your insecurities but also with your virtues. And this guy can be one of these persons.
Keep fighting and have hope.
Don’t stop working on yourself because it’s not only gonna be good for you but for this guy or other possible future ones.

Congratulations. Enjoy this relation.

[Fuzzybear]

Hugs