[Sublimed4]

For the last two weeks, I have had someone from my past on my mind that I dated 24 years ago. We dated and hung out a lot. Never kissed or had sex but I really liked her. She was cool and a good person. This was before I was diagnosed with any mental illness. Back then I was self medicating with marijuana, alcohol, shrooms, etc.... I was all about feeling good and partying. Anything to not feel down.
I met her at school (Junior college) and we started hanging out. I really liked her but only thought we were friends. But looking back on it, I now know she wanted more but I was too wrapped in my lifestyle of partying and such.
I don’t know why all of a sudden I’ve been thinking about her and the time we spent with each other. I am happily married and have a comfortable life. My wife is such a strong person to stick by me even though I’m bipolar. The thoughts I’m having are making me feel a little depressed and making me wonder “what if”.
I’m trying to fall back on my CBT that taught me to not worry about what’s been done and things I cannot control. Also, it taught me that looking in the past causes depression and looking into the future causes anxiety. No matter how hard I try not to think about it, I cannot get her out of my mind. I try to tell myself that even if we were to have gotten serious, I would’ve messed it up because of my undiagnosed mental illness.
I guess being unemployed during the pandemic has given me time to dwell on things I wouldn’t normally dwell on. I am happy that I’m starting school in a week and hopefully it will keep my mind occupied.

Has anyone ever gone through this? Also, I hope this is the right category for this.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long story.

[Skeezyks]

Well... ya know... I'm an older guy. So, perhaps for me, it's a matter of trying to recapture just a pinch of my youth. But I find myself reminiscing about old loves fairly often. I presume this is pretty common.

I guess one could perhaps delve into the psychological aspects of why this happens & what it means. But, personally at least, I think that's just making more of it than is actually there in most cases. It's kind-of like the old song by Julio Iglesias: "To All the Girls I Loved Before". To me, at least, it's just life.

[TishaBuv]

I think she represents your youth, feeling your aging and it’s really common at this stage in life. Also, as you said about the pandemic, time, worry. What ifs...

If you are happily married, I think it’s a passing fancy and not to worry about it.

[Discombobulated]

My thoughts are this could be a midlife type thing and also if you have had some down time plus also maybe at a crossroads in your life?

I think it is really common - 'the one that got away', it leaves us wondering what might have been if we had done things differently. I looked up a lovely guy from my teens some years ago, not to contact, just to see how he was, I had fond memories. He had married and had kids just a bit younger than mine, it looked like he had a fulfilled and happy life. Just knowing this made me feel happy for him. I had always felt regret I had treated him less well than I would have once I had reached emotional maturity.

Maybe having compassion for your younger self is appropriate here? It sounds like you maybe have some regrets. But we live and learn and grow, it sounds like you have.

[Sublimed4]

I do have some regrets but I know there is nothing I can do but work to make my life the best it can be. I used to think “I wish I could go back in time” but then I know I wouldn’t be married to my wonderful wife and have an amazing son. I know, if I went back, it would only take one small different decision to totally change my current life. “The grass isn’t always greener”. I’m learning to accept my life. It isn’t always easy but I know I could be in a worse place if different decisions were made.

[bpcyclist]

Were you to become hypo. , your brain might reprocess this experience in a damaging way. Happened to me when my partner was pregnant. I hallucinated about an old gf and decided I was sposed to be w her. Awful conduct. Partner knew I was manic and did not leave, but I really hurt her. I still feel awful about it. 13 yrs ago. Still hurts that I did that to that sweet woman.

Hugs.

[Littlepalm]

I think about someone from high school. I really think he was my soulmate. I am 56. I know he is divorced. I am not married...but he would not even be a Facebook friend with me. We never dated. He had a girlfriend. We were lab partners in advanced Chemistry, and I taught him how to ski..

🤷🏻*♀️

[Gasplessy]

I lost my father this year and for the first time was able to remember +10 years old facts
Turned out that around 2009 i badly lost a person and maybe never elaborated the thing, faking to be able to go on for a decade, faking another love (...) and to be active on Facebook

Well, i wasnt, my life eventually end miserably and had never thought about it anymore