Edit note: I used that computer voice dictation thing when writing this, so there's a bunch of typos.

I moved to a new apt a few days ago. Its been really disorienting. I was excited at first. But I really just wanted to move out of my previous apt.

The new place, is independent housing program (affordable housing / subsidized). My landlord is a mental health org. They were looking for someone to live here with a mh diagnosis, and in treatment. They are all volunteers I just found out. Maintenance does not even ****ing get paid and the woman who I've dealt with about,maintenance issues is a mixed bag. She triggered me today. Like literally triggered. I'm still thinking about it.

There were mouse droppings, copious amounts, under a drawer. They were old, but I was worried about disease and virus, so I asserted myself. I said to my landlord it's a health hazard and I'm not going to clean it myself.

Today the woman who I typically deal with about maintenance issues texted me 5 minutes before she came over. What the f***? I didn't even see her text when she knocked on my door. That's not reasonable notice. She told me she was here to clean up the mouse poop. I felt bad, and I said that I didn't mean for her to have to clean it. And she snapped at me like she *****ed me. She said things like did you get my email? We are volunteers. There's no one else to do it. She sounded really mean. And it really bothered me. I started walking away, and then she started being nice. I brought up to her that I felt bad and didn't wasn't expecting her. She even started be more gentle and said she didn't mind and if she deals with mice at her own house.

So that was my experience with that. I was hoping to live here for a while. I'm just triggered right now and I don't want to tell people in my life because I'm afraid they're going to feel sorry for me. And that's not what I want. People feeling quote on quote sorry for you, is the worst feeling and it is unwanted. If you were blind, would you want people feeling sorry for you that you were blind? No. This is the same thing. But I'm triggered. Not sure how to get this out of my head tonight.

There's some good things about my apartment to. There are no mice here right now. It's a big spacious apartment. My neighbor is nice. It's quiet. And I am out of my old apartment were there were many problems that I was not happy with. Oh and my rent is really decent and affordable.

I get that this woman may not have wanted to do this job at first, but when I called, I was in no hurry to get it done. I just mentioned it, use the word health hazard, and said I wasn't going to do it because I was uncomfortable. I was nice about it, I will always nice. I'm just really triggered. At least I don't have to live with her. But it's not my problem that this organization is running an apartment and all they have is volunteers. I think I did the right thing. I should not have to clean up Mouse s***. It was a there way before I got there. She also softened after a few moments of being here and after spilling her b**** vomit all over the place. But I'm really stuck on the way she acted when she first came in.

I think I need to talk to my therapist. I think I will call their tomorrow. If anybody has any advice for me and how I can cope with this, or support, without acting like you feel sorry for me, I appreciate it. We do what we have to do in life. Things are not always sunshine and roses, despite what some people who are really comfortable in their own houses and lives may feel, or what Society and media tells us. But I just really feel like I need support. Maybe this isn't a big deal, but it's a big deal to me. I have trauma and it's a trigger for me when people are mean to me.

Feeling better today. Talked to my T. Also sent the lady who has been helping me a thank you note. Sleeping last night also helped.

[Discombobulated]

I'm glad you were feeling better after talking to your T and sleeping.

I think mouse droppings would upset a lot of people tbh. Being yelled at too. Honestly I think this would have upset me too. It sounds like she realised her behaviour was uncalled for when she became gentler. You did a good job turning away imo. It's difficult to know what to do when triggered and feeling vulnerable but that seems sensible and wise to me.

Maybe a cat may be a good idea!

I regret sending the thank you note. It was way too nice, what I wrote. That woman was a **** to me and did not deserve what I wrote inside.

I've been apologizing a lot lately too for no good ****ing reason. I need to stop. People need to ****ing apologize for me.

[Discombobulated]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

I've been apologizing a lot lately too for no good ****ing reason. I need to stop. People need to ****ing apologize for me.

That is a good realisation.

I appreciate that you're trying to help, thanks.

Posting here is just making me feel worse. I'm going to take a break from posting here. Take care

To those who have read this: Do you guys think it would be okay to express in a calm and appropriate manner to please not yell at me and to please give me notice before they enter my apartment? I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. @Bill3 @Discombobulated @Open Eyes

Also if I decided not to say anything and try to let it go (key word is try, lol), do you think that would be ok?

Note: My friend told me to go easy on myself. I've moved twice in 6 weeks. That's not the norm. I need to take care of myself.

[Discombobulated]

Yes I think either saying something or not would be okay - whatever you feel more comfortable with.

Your second post - definitely! Two moves this close has got to be stressful- take good self care. ♥️

[Bill3]

With regard to entering your apartment: Is there something in the lease that addresses what notice they must give in order to enter? One option would be, in the future, to just be mindful of whatever is required, and be prepared to say no if those conditions are not met.

With regard to asking her to please not yell at you: It sounds like you handled things really well in the moment. In reading your description of the event, I see that when she yelled you walked away. It seems from what you wrote above that you got across to her that she shouldn't yell at you: She became nice and then gentle and conversational. So one way to look at the situation is that you already, in a skillful and effective way, have made your point about not being yelled at.

[unaluna]

Also, re the mouse droppings: she responded immediately because they were viewed as an emergency. Thats a good thing - you want the landlord to come quickly in an emergency.

Originally Posted by Bill3

With regard to entering your apartment: Is there something in the lease that addresses what notice they must give in order to enter? One option would be, in the future, to just be mindful of whatever is required, and be prepared to say no if those conditions are not met.

With regard to asking her to please not yell at you: It sounds like you handled things really well in the moment. In reading your description of the event, I see that when she yelled you walked away. It seems from what you wrote above that you got across to her that she shouldn't yell at you: She became nice and then gentle and conversational. So one way to look at the situation is that you already, in a skillful and effective way, have made your point about not being yelled at.

@Bill3 Thank you so much for this. You know, I hadn't even thought of that, that I *did* assert myself already. And she did take notice due to her changed behavior. I don't know why there was such a bee in my bonnet about this, so to speak. I think maybe moving twice has just been stressful and I will chalk it up to that.

Yes, I reread the agreement I signed and they are supposed to give 24 hrs notice unless its an emergency. @unaluna perhaps they did view it as an emergency. I do not know. Or maybe they thought that I thought it was. Not sure. Thanks for your perspective / input.

I think I'm just gonna drop it and if they enter again without giving me notice, and its not an emergency, I will ask then, at that time, for notice next time.



@Discombobulated yeah I really need to give myself lots of self care. Feed myself, sleep, etc, too. With these 2 moves, I plowed through and was like "I'm just doing it." And was kind of proud of how I've been handling things despite the 2 moves. I think though, I need to also honor and respect, so to speak, the fact that life major changes bring on stress. Doesn't matter who you are. I'm not immune to that as much as I want to think I am lol.

[unaluna]

Thanks. Or also, when you are *just* moving into a place, the landlord treats things as, "this is not acceptable per the lease agreement", so they respond immediately, rather than give you the ability to break the lease or leave the place in a similar condition? They want to fix it and say, oh no, we just OVERLOOKED that, we dont agree to it either.

I think ive had like fifteen addresses in my adult life. One friend got mad at me cuz he said i filled up all the entries for my last name initial of the alphabet in his address book, back when address books were made out of paper. Not papyrus!

Originally Posted by unaluna

I think ive had like fifteen addresses in my adult life. One friend got mad at me cuz he said i filled up all the entries for my last name initial of the alphabet in his address book, back when address books were made out of paper. Not papyrus!

Lol, you're friend was probably like "stop moving!" Hope he wasn't actually mad. Yeah I remember those address books. My parents have one. I think they have them at Barnes and Noble too, though one time I went and looked for one and there were like, two. Same kind. It wasn't like their planners which fill up a whole large section.