Feeling disconnected

Today I am feeling this emotion of disconnect.

I live with family, I am not alone. I work outside the home and see colleagues/the public every day.

In lockdown because I live with a vulnerable person we lived life to the guidance, when things opened up we were very cautious. We do go out but not like before - nothing is like before.

I have seen 3 friends socially since it was possible (over 3 months). Both my volunteer jobs stopped. I don't like video calls so never did that.

I feel disconnected and strange and sometimes I can distract with a book or drawing but sometimes I feel this leaden sadness inside.

How do you cope with this feeling?

Leaden sadness is such a deep aching pain. I'm not sure I have any advice on coping with that. I started seeing my current therapist as I was struggling with a feeling that I couldn't place. I came to understand that it is loneliness and is partly to do with lockdown, but it has eased with further introspection...and has also brought up some old resentments that I had buried.
I find exercise cathartic, and talking when I can get it out...when I know what it's about. If it's amorphous then I feel I need to give it some form. Do you know where it comes from and where/how/if you'd like it to go? Does your drawing give it form?

That is interesting what you say about amorphous and giving it form. I never thought of it like that.

It is possibly amorphous. It is like a pervasive leaden feeling.

My drawing is pretty much a distraction. I don't give form to my feelings with it. In this way it is not really art. I am drawn to beauty in my drawing.

I do exercise too and that helps. I do long distance running and sometimes push myself too hard.

I can certainly relate to feeling a disconnect, loneliness, etc. Especially during this time.

Notice and see if it wanes and waxes. Is there a better / worse time for u?

I've been so busy lately, that I haven't had time to feel disconnected. Maybe distraction and busyness is the answer.



Edit: also wanted to say, for me, the feeling isn't stagnant. It is there sometimes. Other times not. Is it like that for you too?

Yes definitely, it comes and goes, it goes with work - I have the week off next week and looking forward to rest and no early starts but think also wary I will feel things more.

It comes more when I am indoors at home and also dreading winter this year because of that

Thanks ♥️

I wonder if journaling about the feeling would be helpful.

You mentioned pushing yourself too hard in running. How might that (if at all) connect to the feeling?

Thanks Bill. I have read that a lot of people journal but I never have. A bit embarrassed to admit I'm not sure how to. At least not in a successful way. I suppose I'm wary my negative thoughts will take over.

The running. It's a funny one. I like it and it can help with my mood but sometimes I feel like I pressure myself. I'm not sure if it can even adversely affect my mood sometimes. Like I exhaust myself. I know over all it is good for my health however and it can make me feel really good.

I considered going to a social event this weekend (the first in a long time) but infection rates are rising again in this area and so I felt I shouldn't.

On the up side I got a new book from the library. I am not joking. Reading is one of my coping mechanisms.

Could you say more of what you mean by negative thoughts (possibly) taking over if you were to journal?

Discombobulated, I remember in another thread where you were saying that you had stockpiled cleaning supplies because of COVID. I find myself wanting to stockpile canned foods, and make sure I have everything I need (band aides, vitamins, soap) in case there is a worldwide food shortage, economic depression, etc. COVID really has disrupted business, governments, etc. I hope you don't mind me saying that we both suffer from anxiety and anxiety can cause a person to look at all kinds of possible crisis (you are ready to keep things clean and I have seen studies that say if you get exposed to a lower amount of COVID germs you will have a less severe case than when you are exposed to many COVID germs--the vitamins I bought had to do with COVID too--Vitamin D, C, and the mineral zinc). Some anxiety makes us prepared but too much wears our emotions to a frazzle.

Anyways, I wonder if all the anxiety COVID caused pushed you into this disconnection (ie a sort of depression from being exhausted from worry and just needing to rest). I suppose that my favorite spiritual book is helping me because it keeps me away from news and prepper videos. My husband has been gardening (vegtables) intensively since COVID started--another way to prep for disaster!

Thanks! The gardening sounds like a good plan, and a positive thing to do.

Yes I can identify with keeping away from news. I try to but I fail often.

Yes I think I am a bit frazzled, maybe less than at the peak, but yes.

At the beginning it was all about fear of infection and keeping clean, safe, house stocked like you say. But for me it changed over the summer, we got mask wearing made mandatory which was a big relief to me working in a store. I felt safer, or rather I knew what to do to keep safe. The trouble is it has isolated me from people/friends/activities. So we are safe but isolated.

This week coming I have time off work and plans to see a few people, many of whom I haven't seen in a long time. Just making plans makes me feel better - I will be seeing them separately btw so no big party, and we'll keep distance.

I feel it's possible it may lead me to further introspection and dwelling on these negative thoughts I have. Idk I may be wrong. I have read some people journal, I am not sure how they do it and manage not to dwell on negative thoughts.

I can relate to this. I journal and I find there's a time and place for it because sometimes I do get stuck wallowing. For me, I'm experimenting to see how not to wallow while journaling, and so far that means being mindful and noticing when getting stuck / wallowing happens, and also I'm playing with the idea of writing to another person in my journal, as it helps me when I talk to others usually.


I think that what works for some, doesn't work for others. Do it if you want to and feel drawn to it / driven to.

Edit: one journaling exercise you may like. Its a T-chart. On one side put "negative" or draw a rain cloud or something. On the other side, put "positive" or draw some sunshine or a rainbow or something. Under negative, write whats going on with you and why you feel bad. Under positive, counter those thoughts, write other explanations, other positive ways to looks at it, ways to deal with it, be kind to yourself as you would be with a friend. Its a good exercise in thinking more optimistically and making oneself feel better.

Thank you this is really helpful. I will try this!

Good post. I've been reading some of the posts in this thread again. I too feel disconnected (grrrrrr)

I'm going to try the above journalling idea, tomorrow hopefully

Hugs to all who accept online hugs from a bear

Oh wow this makes so much sense, my journalling I probably always did in an abysmal way lol. I don't wallow - in the classic sense - as that'd be really tiring to me but I noticed one day that alot of the journalling is venting or something like that, some really angry stuff. Tho' I suppose that's better than venting to people too much.

But what I particularly noticed, though only after YEARS of journalling, and only recently...is that if I get into the writing more to try and process things, then after a while I do get deeper and deeper and probably more angry and negative but it happens only when it feels like I am talking to a "wall" rather than a real person. Well my journal is not a real person. So that is why it gets so negative then.


And I noticed this when I did talk to a real person (online) and she was pretty cool, like she kept tuning into my experience and validating it or something Like most people don't O_o Anyway then one day she didn't tune in too well, for whatever reason, and said something that was kinda an "off" suggestion. I don't mind, I don't expect anyone to be perfectly tuning in or validating me or whatever 100% of the time. But what I did notice was that later I felt like journalling to process what she said, to see how it fit my situation because something was bothering me about it. And then I ended up writing to her actually instead of the journalling, but she was not online... And so, soon I noticed I felt like it was talking to a wall and then I noticed the negative spiralling. That is when the lightbulb came on about my journalling too, I suppose. ....


But I still did end up processing the "off" suggestion she had and it did lead to insight. Insight through seeing how it did NOT fit me/my situation, lol. (Even if this is not the most effective way to get to insight??) And that's the same with the journalling. It does lead to me processing things and to insights, it just takes so long. I get so deep in my head during it. While trying to process my issues and get to insights for a better place, better direction in life. So ineffective because of the "wall" effect, I think.

Does this make sense??



You suggest journalling while imagining I'm talking to another person. Unfortunately that only works for a short time, I have done that before spontaneously actually... Like I would get used to talking to a friend and then I sometimes felt like I was talking to them when journalling. But if I get spontaneous like that, it doesn't last long before "wall" effect kicks in. Also if the person I got used to talking to isn't very good at tuning in (bc say, they didn't have my experiences, or just don't understand, even if well-meaning), then it can be still a negative spiral anyway. I think that's what it comes down to...

Your T-chart exercise suggestion hmm... My problem is I don't really have simple thoughts on why I feel bad when I feel bad, and I don't even feel that I am feeling bad if that makes sense. I just fall deep in my head and try to process to get to a better place is what I do instead. You mention writing about what's going on with me, well I don't even know what's going on with me when something's up, that is why I have to process it in my journalling.

Your suggestion sounds a lot like CBT really, how psychologists do CBT with you in therapy, and I'm familiar with that, but that also never worked for me lol for the same reason.

My processing really has a constructive goal so you could say it's optimistic but it's ineffective anyway, because it's hard to do all of it alone Iguess

I've understood a little more on how talking to others can help, but that's still kinda unclear too to me lol.

I figured so far, it helps if they can understand some of what I'm saying bc they have had the experience too, or they are an expert about the topic (but do keep their empathy too next to the expertise, don't just intellectualise always). Or just plain are very empathetic maybe? Or if it is someone I am close to (family), that can help too even if they haven't had my experiences. But I do think I still have a lot of blocks even when I talk to others. It's just hard somehow.

Not sure, sometimes the experience of talking with others is better, sometimes worse, sometimes pretty effective, sometimes not effective. I don't expect it to be a magic pill (anymore) so any positive experience with that is already a nice surprise lol


...


(BTW I like this thread some, though I didn't read it all yet... catapults me back to 19 years ago. When I had this disconnect and when all my bigger issues started. I will have to sometime digest some of the posts in here more.)

I think the journaling is more about getting it off your mind so you can let the feelings go, at least a bit? I don’t think it’s going to work for everyone, nothing else does lol, but that’s the idea behind it. Catharcism. It’s the same as writing letters you never intend to send to whoever you’re writing to.
I know if I’m angry when I write my diary, I allow myself to feel it while I’m writing, so the writing itself is my emotional release. When I stop writing I feel more able to let the feeling go, because I’ve processed it, at least to a degree.

This is interesting thanks.

I'd like to respond to you too. On this same topic. Yeah I think I don't really get an emotional release in this direct way. I probably uh what I probably do is I break down the negative emotion by "intellectualising" and analysing really hard and really long until I get to some good point but like I already said it's ineffective as it takes long to do this. Hours where talking to someone in a good way would be just like a few minutes or half an hour at most?? I've had that experience that it helped that fast, sometimes. Then sometimes not at all. Complicated lol

Anyway yeah I probably gradually break down the negative feelings without ever feeling them directly. It's like my analytical left brain going into overdrive to deal with this task of breaking down the emotions like that. And yeah again, it takes forever. It's mentally a hard task, exhausting even. And so on.

Hm yeah, maybe no one journals like that other than me And maybe you are TOTALLY not supposed to do it that way

Anyway. Your cathartic version that's like writing a letter to someone and not sending it. I've had that too but it only comes to me spontaneously and only realllly rarely. I do feel the emotions then and I do not analyse so much, and it's cathartic and does release the emotions. For a while anyway

I just wanted to share that today I did a running event (socially distanced) that I trained for. I was nervous and worried about it (would it be crowded/would I be able to complete) but it turned out to be the best day I had in a long time. At a distance I saw so many people I hadn't seen in a long time - it was like normal life.

The disconnected feeling isn't here today. It's wonderful.