[Fuzzybear]

Have you found this helpful? A friend recommended this to me a while ago, said I could talk to her any time about it (and then soon after was not able to log on )

I wonder if I have ''BPD''... I do experience intense pain when close people leave. I am not sure if this is ''normal''... I do not ''move on'' as quickly as normal people seem to. It's like they take a piece of my heart with them.

What is it about journalling you find helpful? Are there different sorts of journalling?

I think maybe I am not very likeable. Not many people IRL are friendly to me (this is not new). They notice my anxiety and.... My husband is ''weird'' like me, he does not like spending time with ''normal'' people. Except for work stuff, technical things where he offers advice etc but does not socialise except when needed. He hasn't had a lot of people criticising him like I have, I suspect its mostly because he doesn't notice critical, mean comments and doesn't look anxious or sensitive. He does fall asleep during social events sometimes though (we have not socialised for some time though. For ''obvious'' reasons which I do not like talking about). I hope this post is not ''too boring''.... I'm feeling disconnected and anxious. He is upstairs sleeping. I can't sleep.

A therapist (long ago) said I was ''disconnected''..

I see this forum as a sort of journal, due to writing one's private issues. The only difference is someone writes back. (Sometimes. Lol. The forums seem a little scarce to me lately).

Are you thinking you're wanting to journal? Have you done it before?

I've been journaling since elementary school. I think that's part of why I sometimes find myself wallowing / ruminating while journaling. As a kid I journaled before I had healthy coping mechanisms. Though truthfully, I like journaling because its a way I can connect. With myself. if you haven't journaled before, I bet there's journaling prompts you could look up.

Re BPD: look into DBT. Its helped me (and many others) tremendously. It was originally designed for ppl with BPD, though it helps people with many different diagnoses too. I know that you've had painful experiences with therapists where you are. I don't blame you for not trying with them again. There's online options you could maybe consider. Just a thought and no pressure from me. I just personally think DBT is the greatest. There's lots if free online resources on Youtube, websites, etc. There's also online programs / therapy / groups, etc, that aren't free but may be worth it. DBT peer connections on YouTube is good.

I'm glad you have your husband. He sounds like a good egg

[Fuzzybear]

I haven't done much journaling. I also think that posting on here is a sort of journaling. Sometimes we get useful feedback or kind words, occasionally we get stung by someone else's grrrrr (who do not get us). Since I intensely dislike getting stung by people irl, maybe responding (or not) to others negative stuff on here is a relatively safe place to practice, I have heard of ''teflon mind'' or something. I don't think that would work for me. I will look into DBT more Some of the forums are very quiet, the BPD forum in particular. I asked a question there a couple of days ago, still no replies. (it was about ''successful therapy''.. That's ok, I guess not many post there. Even years ago people often only seemed to reply to someone who was in crisis... and they got the ''best'' and sometimes the ''worst'' replies I would never consult a professional in a crisis, (in the place I live IRL) I can't take the ''meds'' they push and I do not like their ''advice'', at all. It's so patronising and ''one size fits all''. (or worse) imho Grrrrrrrrrrrrr, I am sure there are exceptions. Honestly though, I think there is something wrong with the way they are trained. They are scarce with respect, which everyone deserves and which is essential in therapy. Thanks for replying My husband is a good egg