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Old 11-21-2020, 05:36 PM   #1
Ifeelstupid
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Confused Anger

I like my therapist. I truly doóhe is the most empathic person I know. But I am angry. Iím angry because he is trying to support me during this depressive episode. Iím angry that he wants me to reframe. Iím angry because I want to be left alone yet I continue to see him. I donít understand myself. I ache and ache and break down sobbing if I spend any time thinking of the losses Iíve experience since March. I just want to sink into this pit of despair and be done with it.

I physically ache. My heart hurts. Does that happen to anyone else? Like your chest is caving in and thereís a deep dark ache? How can emotions physically hurt like that? I understand a headache or stomach kind of physical pain brought on by emotions but this is like the emotions themselves hurt.
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Old 11-21-2020, 11:40 PM   #2
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Can you share what the loss is?

The answer to your question is yes emotional grief can hurt and ache.

Usually if you need to talk about it it means that you are repeating to help yourself realize that it really did happen. And there is no way to change it. Then it takes time to learn how to navigate your life without whatever the loss is.
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Old 11-22-2020, 02:22 AM   #3
Ifeelstupid
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Thanks Open Eyes. The losses include a job that I loved in a community I loved. And the many losses due to the pandemicósmaller things like my kidsí activitiesógraduation, theater, college, etc óand more significant ódeaths due to pandemic.
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Old 11-22-2020, 03:22 AM   #4
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Default Re: Anger

It sounds like youíve been through a lot, so itís understandable to feel the way you do. Grieving is also a personal thing; it canít be rushed, but it is better for you in the long run to allow yourself to go through it. I appreciate it feels incredibly difficult, though.
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Old 11-22-2020, 10:12 AM   #5
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Thanks Roxanne
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Old 11-22-2020, 10:46 AM   #6
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It does sound to me like you're literally experiencing the 'heartache' that life can have on a person @Ifeelstupid. Perhaps you just need to sit down and let a few tears come because so much anger - and I know what that's like - is really so much hurt.
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Old 12-04-2020, 11:58 AM   #7
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Default Re: Anger

I think you need to discuss your issues with your therapist. It seems you are holding information from him. If you are angry often you should try working out it does wonders for anger issues.
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Old 12-19-2020, 11:03 AM   #8
Ifeelstupid
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Thank you Prycejosh. Iím sorry I didnít see this until now. I couldnít bring myself to check in again. I reluctantly agree with you and actually did share (on my own which is a huge step) and the conversation is ongoing. Thanks for your wise counsel. It is a good validation that what I am doing is a good strategy. 🙂
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Old 12-19-2020, 11:06 AM   #9
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Thank you Mote.of.soul. Iím sorry I didnít see this until now. I couldnít bring myself to check in again. You are right. Tears are productive. Not being able to cry was the first external symptom of my depression. Iíve improved but itís a long road. It is so challenging for me. I appreciate your gentle reminder.
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Old 01-08-2021, 03:21 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ifeelstupid View Post
I like my therapist. I truly doóhe is the most empathic person I know. But I am angry. Iím angry because he is trying to support me during this depressive episode. Iím angry that he wants me to reframe. Iím angry because I want to be left alone yet I continue to see him. I donít understand myself. I ache and ache and break down sobbing if I spend any time thinking of the losses Iíve experience since March. I just want to sink into this pit of despair and be done with it.

I physically ache. My heart hurts. Does that happen to anyone else? Like your chest is caving in and thereís a deep dark ache? How can emotions physically hurt like that? I understand a headache or stomach kind of physical pain brought on by emotions but this is like the emotions themselves hurt.
Your not alone. I feel like this all the time.
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