I think the life in me was extinguished by my father with his critical and (emotionally and physically) abusive treatment, and I will always blame him on what he has done to me.

He thought if he got tough with me because "I don't know what's best for me", I would be successful (as defined by him). He thought he figured life out, and in his mind life is a straight line: study, get education, get a good paying job, get married, have children, and live happily ever after.

I am so resentful and angry not only because he was abusive and disrespectful to me, but also because he cannot seem to realize the damage he has done, and keeps doing the same thing over and over again, by being very critical and judgmental.

He thinks I am a failure despite him providing me the best environment and by giving me with what I needed from food, clothes, money, ... etc. He doesn't seem to realize that we are humans, and we don't need only food and clothes and shelter as children, but also respect and unconditional love.

I am way too old to still think this way, and I only recently started to suffer the consequences of his treatment, when I tried to get out to the real life and be independent after many years pursuing education (as it turned out to be futile and useless to me as a damaged and broken human being).

I have failed in life, and there is nothing that makes me think I could overcome this life. Maybe when things miraculously change I can forgive him and forget the abuse, or if he admits he was wrong and changes his behavior towards me. I don't know. But now I feel so dead and resentful.

[MickeyCheeky]

You are NOT a failure, Please do Always remember that. i am So Sorry things are being so hard for You but do not give up as things can ALWAYS Improve. i am SURE that You can hadnle this. Perhaps seeing a therapist or professional may prove useful in Helping You Cope With ALL of this. SEnding Many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @Diurnal, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[mountainstream]

I am sorry. Some abusive parents will never admit their ''mistakes''... (I am one of those ''unfortunate'' people who have been harmed by parents)... I wish you peace.