My life has been nothing but a disappointment, to me and to my family. I am almost 40 and have nothing, and with no prospects whatsoever. No friends, no partner, and currently with no job. Not just that, no one even wants to be a friend or a partner, and no employer wants to hire me for my skills.

Why? I think because I am mostly afraid. Afraid of rejections. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid of everything new. So, I shield myself, withdraw, or blend in the background. Maybe because I was criticized and punished when I was a kid for being ... me.

This fear manifests itself in me in the form of anxiety, and when anxiety hits me, my "logical" brain shuts down. For example, when the pandemic started, I was so afraid and anxious that I couldn't eat, and I lost 25 lbs, and one day I ended in the ER.

This fear and anxiety governs my life. I think I am where I am, mainly because of it. I am even afraid to seek help because I am afraid to fail and not getting better. I read books on social and generalized anxiety disorders (which I believe what I have, possibly with other disorders), but was afraid to put the exercises into actions, and the contents remained a nice theory.

I don't think people understand this about me. They think my life is perfect, because that's what they see, and I must be just lazy or don't want to put any effort. But the reality is I am so damaged and consumed by fear and anxiety.

Thanks for reading, and please no "see a therapist replies". If I wanted and could see a therapist, I probably wouldn't be and writing here.

[MickeyCheeky]

Sorry about suggesting you to see a therapist in the other thread, didn't know about that! i am also Sorry you feel this way about yourself. i don't think you're arrogant nor a loser - you're simply someone who's struggling like almost ALL of us here. i can partly relate to what you wrote about anxiety dominating your thougths - i know for sure that it happens to me quite often! Please try to be kinder to yourself as much as possible. SEnding many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Diurnal, your Family, your FriEnds and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!