[Fuzzybear]

How do you cope with people who dishonour, violate, disrespect, neglect, manipulate, lie and more?

How do you cope with people who are pathologically mean? (people of ''adequate'' intelligence and ''of age'' who ''should'' know better...

How do you forgive these people?

I do not feel that it is wise to forget their actions..

(not about anyone here)

(this is not about the situation in the world and I respectfully request no posts about that)

[MickeyCheeky]

My Dear Fuzzy, in my opinion the Best way to deal with these People is to not deal with them at ALL And Simply Leave Them Be. Not ForGetting, Simply Moving On. i am So Sorry i couldn't say SomeThing Wiser. SEnding Many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @Fuzzybear, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

MickeyCheeky, that is excellent advice.

I saw an interview on YouTube of David Richo, a Buddhist author and relationship psychologist. He said he expresses upset and pain in the moment. And lets go of the need for vengeance afterward (sometimes, our need for closure, mixes with a need to "get back at" the person, imo). He said he's happier bc of it.

Imo, the story if what the person did to us, doesn't always stop in our heads, just bc we give up our pursuit of closure or vengeance. So thought work is important. If we need to write a restorative justice letter, do that. If not, work on yourself and don't let those people in. Mickey Cheeky's advice was really good.

I don't believe forgiveness is necessary. But with certain healing actions, it (forgiveness) may be an after effect. Of course, if you want to forgive, know that its not a linear process. Some days are better than others.

[mote.of.soul]

I don't have anything to do with people like that Fuzzy but if for some reason the person can't be avoided then I keep my interactions with them to the bare minimum. Because I just can't handle them.

But in terms of the forgiveness side of it, one thing that helps me to keep some kind of perspective around it is to realize that, yes, they are responsible for their behaviors, as we all are, but that they didn't actually create themselves the way they are. How they became or why they're the type of person they are, isn't their own doing as far as I can tell.

So thinking of it that way helps me, in a funny way, to come back to, I guess, a more forgiving attitude.

[AzulOscuro]

I don’t forget. Information is important for survival and well-being. I can as much to forgive if the person shows that (s)he’s worthy of my trust again. I can forgive but it’s needed a honest step from the other person, a real step to make me clear that (s)he cares and is ready to improve. If not, we will walk different paths.

[Have Hope]

You described my husband - soon to be ex. I really do not know, Fuzzybear. I spent the last month being enraged over his mistreatment of me, and unloading it all on him. I've exhausted that path. Then this morning after watching a long documentary on abusive narcissists (which is my husband), I found some amount of compassion for him. I thought, it must truly suck to have SO much insecurity to the point of needing to harm other people to keep them down. And with narcissism, their self worth is constantly in flux. So, I thought, wow, that must be really hard, and I felt a smidgen of compassion. Perhaps having compassion for someone else's major struggles (that cause them to react in SUCH hurtful ways) is a pathway to forgiveness. Then again, I also feel some things cannot be forgiven. Like, I do not and will not forgive his infidelity. But the compassion I felt today has enabled me to feel some amount of healing to occur. And maybe that's all that's really needed, above and beyond the act of forgiveness. Forgiveness to me is really more so about letting go of the anger, the anguish and the pain that someone caused you. I think of him as being a very small and weak person, and for that I can feel sorry for him.

Sorry, I am not really answering your question about how to forgive. But it's an answer nonetheless.

[divine1966]

Do you feel you must forgive? I am not sure if you must. If you have to interact with them, just keep it to a minimum and keep your distance. If you don’t have to see them, then stop interaction with them. No need to forget but take them out of the equation of your life.

[Que Sera Sera]

its not necessary for you to forgive ... they wronged you and its on them to face the consequences of their faith &/or karma.
it absolutely understandable how you harboring ill towards them is what seems justified and passes for due vengance on your part but ot only serves to prolong the lingering harm from what their actions have already done to you. love & hate are emotions that equally consumption your energies. apathy is the void that allows you to be able to lessing some of the toll the lingers from the harm their actions left you with

[Have Hope]

Let karma do it's work - let go of the pain.

[AzulOscuro]

@Fuzzy, we can’t be responsible on how other people behave with us but we are responsible of letting them continue with their behaviours.

It’s a very interesting topic the one you brought up because many times we see ourselves forced to deal with people whose treatment we don’t like at all.
Sometimes, it’s a mum, a dad, a sibling, a coworker...
In these cases, I don’t see another way out than reducing the interaction as much as possible.

In terms of letting go of what someone has done to us, I think that's a process too. I've found that along with distancing myself from the individual, living my life in a positive & healthy way helps - living in the moment, experiencing joy more often (I really like to laugh, for instance) - like intentionally putting myself in joy's way..helps with letting go.

Honestly, I don't have the psychological part of it down, like stuff still pops up for me, but its something I'm working on. Maybe "telling a different story" about the past situation could help. Reframing. As long as its true and not a lie, imo. If I'm ruminating, giving myself a 30 min time frame (example time) to think about it (or focus on a solution) in a day and then move on, helps.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

In terms of letting go of what someone has done to us, I think that's a process too. I've found that along with distancing myself from the individual, living my life in a positive & healthy way helps - living in the moment, experiencing joy more often (I really like to laugh, for instance) - like intentionally putting myself in joy's way..helps with letting go.

Honestly, I don't have the psychological part of it down, like stuff still pops up for me, but its something I'm working on. Maybe "telling a different story" about the past situation could help. Reframing. As long as its true and not a lie, imo. If I'm ruminating, giving myself a 30 min time frame (example time) to think about it (or focus on a solution) in a day and then move on, helps.

I know what you mean. You are wondering about the possibility to put on this other person’s shoes but it doesn’t always work. I mean...we have to care also about ourselves and we have to be very aware of the barriers we set with certain people.
This other person could be broken but I am also.

[AzulOscuro]

It’s funny, a person I know on line called me the attention about a new beginning each day. Doesn’t it sound marvellous?
I can do it up to a point but after crossing certain lines with a person, I can’t give more. I’m human.