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Discombobulated
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Default Apr 21, 2021 at 07:03 AM
  #61
I'm doing okay today, Spring weather helps a lot. Going to take a walk out to the big supermarket this afternoon for a special ingredient for something new I'm going to try making.
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Default Apr 21, 2021 at 08:08 AM
  #62
Yesterday afternoon was better. Last night I felt a lot of loneliness and there just wasn't much going on around here (this site). So, rather than refresh every 10 seconds, I just closed up my laptop and watched TV. That did help. I might be focusing too much on my anxiety and not enough on other things. Distraction does have it's place.

I actually slept fairly well last night. Not long enough or well enough, but compared to the last few days, I'll take it. Not sure if it was the "brainwave" music throughout the day or something else, but plenty happy to have a better night. This morning it's cold and gloomy again, but I did some self talk telling myself that "I am happy" and "It is going to be a good day." I have things to keep me busy and engaged if I'll just do them.

Hope you all have a good day.
 
 
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Default Apr 21, 2021 at 11:52 AM
  #63
I missed a very important medical appointment this morning. But I have it rescheduled for two weeks from now. That helps me feel better. I just panicked this morning and talked myself out of it. It's for a 2-hour imaging test with dyes and drugs. I'm not looking forward to it.

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Default Apr 21, 2021 at 01:31 PM
  #64
Coped pretty well yesterday. I nearly felt normal. It was nice to be out and about doing ordinary things and catching the train.

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Default Apr 21, 2021 at 02:59 PM
  #65
Coping generally well lately, although today I am feeling worthless.

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Default Apr 22, 2021 at 08:17 AM
  #66
I'm not doing too well. I just deleted all of the stuff I just typed up because I realize that it kinda feels like I should only superficially talk about my issues.

I hope everyone has a good day.
 
 
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Default Apr 22, 2021 at 08:44 AM
  #67
I feel depressed today. Therapy isn't helping. I'm not sure what will. I will try to be productive and see if that cheers me up.

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Default Apr 22, 2021 at 01:26 PM
  #68
Today was a really good day - I saw a group of my friends outdoors for a picnic, it was the first time we'd been together in over a year (although we'd met separately in pairs). It was sunny and relaxed and made me realise how little we really need to be happy.

Sending a big hug to my PC friends too - thanks for being here, especially this last year.
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Default Apr 22, 2021 at 06:21 PM
  #69
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Originally Posted by AgentQ9A View Post
I'm not doing too well. I just deleted all of the stuff I just typed up because I realize that it kinda feels like I should only superficially talk about my issues.

I hope everyone has a good day.
Hi @AGent9QA

I must admit, in terms of how much detail and/or how superfucial I think my posts should be, I'm never quite sure about it. I give it a lot of thought though, as you probably do too. I always ask myself the question "what am I trying to achieve by bearing my soul this time? Is it good or bad?" but there's never really just one answer to that. For me.

I do like reading your posts though, because I appreciate introspection and self honesty. It kind of gives me, and maybe others too, the 'permission' to share what's really going on within the self. 🙏

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Default Apr 22, 2021 at 06:25 PM
  #70
About to head out into the world for my 2.5 hours walk and to put my coping skills to the test yet again. By doing this all the time, I hope simply to grow stronger emotionally, mentally.

Wishing everyone some peace for your day. 🙏

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Default Apr 22, 2021 at 10:11 PM
  #71
Today has been interesting. Definitely a mix of stuff.

I have been experiencing depression and I finally was able to admit that to my therapist today. I cried. A lot.

I spent a lot of time at my parents in the afternoon / evening, and had dinner over there. It was nice.

In the late afternoon someone from church called me. I thought he was going to ask for a donation since its that time of year, but he told me I'd been nominated for an administrative position / role there. It was the nicest thing ever. Really. It was such a surprise and I was not expecting that. I asked for a day to think about it. Though I've decided to accept.
 
 
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Default Apr 23, 2021 at 02:54 AM
  #72
I'm having a difficult time. I feel overwhelmed and I can't relax. Maybe I will try to play a game for a while. But I have a lot I have to do today. I wish I could take the day off.

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Default Apr 23, 2021 at 03:44 AM
  #73
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Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy View Post
I spent a lot of time at my parents in the afternoon / evening, and had dinner over there. It was nice.

In the late afternoon someone from church called me. I thought he was going to ask for a donation since its that time of year, but he told me I'd been nominated for an administrative position / role there. It was the nicest thing ever. Really. It was such a surprise and I was not expecting that. I asked for a day to think about it. Though I've decided to accept.
All of this sounds wonderful.
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Default Apr 23, 2021 at 06:18 AM
  #74
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All of this sounds wonderful.

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Default Apr 23, 2021 at 10:27 AM
  #75
It's mid morning and so far I'm doing OK. I didn't sleep great. I've been trying to get myself completely off of sleep aids and while I've stopped the drugs, I still take melatonin. I would like to stop that as well. Last night I fell asleep under my own power! Of course I woke up an hour later, so took some melatonin, but a much smaller dose. I'll take it. Small victories. I'm also trying sleep restriction, i.e. only being in bed for 5-6 hours (though I may go shorter). This forces my body/mind to understand that bed is for sleep only. Of course, I need to stop reading on a tablet in bed right up until I fall asleep. Don't want to buy books and still hesitant to get books from the library. I've also started getting a little more exercise to try to poop myself out and burn off the adrenaline.

My health anxiety has lessened the last 24 hours or so. I've started listening to another Claire Weekes audiobook. She helps me so much to understand anxiety. I also see how I'm fighting my anxiety. I'm attaching the feeling that it's bad and I'm bad for having it. But that fighting is just prolonging it. I have anxiety (GAD) and I'm not bad because of it. It just is. So, I need to learn to REALLY accept it and then get on with my life. I attach WAY TOO MUCH importance to the thoughts of dying and hospitals and abandoning my pups. They're just thoughts (super common thoughts) and thanks to neuroplasticity (wooo, science!), I know I can change them by thinking other things. Just need to get better and jumping in between the initial thought and the spiral that often comes with it.

Hope everyone had a good day. Thanks @mote.of.soul!
 
 
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Default Apr 23, 2021 at 04:18 PM
  #76
I have noticed there are times that the issues that really bother me (only a few), really bother me, and there are times when I am aware these problems exist and I can’t fix them, but I am much more emotionally strong, stable, and focused on other things or even better able to deal with those chronic issues. . I’m not sure what affects the mood and why that colors how I feel about those negative issues. Just an interesting observation...

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Default Apr 24, 2021 at 06:05 AM
  #77
Slept to 6 AM! Toilet overflowed close to bedtime. Sopped it up with lots of towels and will be doing lots of laundry today. At least it has been dry so our septic should be able to handle it....
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Default Apr 24, 2021 at 09:32 AM
  #78
I woke up feeling so bad, like there are daggers coming at me from several directions. R, D, C, S... Those interpersonal relationships gone in the ditch torment me and I can’t fix them. I need to learn to cope with the awful, haunting feeling of all that disappointment and abandonment.

I don’t like the person I have shown myself to be for decades, chronically depressed from these issues mentioned above. And I don’t feel a strong sense of self. I did not engage in my own life choices and be the person I wanted to be, because I did not know who that was or how to do it, when I felt trapped in the relationships with those people who dragged me under.

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Heart Apr 24, 2021 at 10:00 AM
  #79
I hope it will turn out to be a better day for you, @TishaBuv! Sending you wishes filled with healing cosmic energy & love.

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Default Apr 24, 2021 at 10:05 AM
  #80
A spaced kind of day for me after a patchy nights sleep with sweats and shivers after my first vaccine, but think I'm over the worst of it now and feeling relieved.

A lot of stuff going on in my wider family, not quite sure how best to handle it. I'm now at that stage where the roles are sort of reversing with me and my parents, which is sad but I should look upon it as being fortunate to have so many good years with them. It's definitely a challenging life stage though.
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