Would you feel hurt too?

Mother was hugging me today and told me straight out that she did it because she needed it, not because I did. It seemed rather strange she would say that. It makes me think that maybe she doesn't really care. I don't know.

I would feel hurt by that - I know sometimes people are affectionate for themselves, not because it’s a mutual act on their part, but this was pretty selfish of her.

Thanks for your support. I just thought it seemed hurtful. In fact, I felt I was still reeling several minutes later until I came on here.

Sometimes we need hugs, too, and she was being honest. If I had a healthy relationship with my mom, I'd welcome the opportunity to give her something she needed at that moment.

I think you're generalizing a singular scenario to mean she doesn't care about you.. and I'm guessing it's not because she needed that hug. Context is missing.

Sorry you're feeling affected.

I don't see it as that odd. Sometimes a person knows they need a hug and they ask for it - it is for them. They are just being honest about it. My son needed a hug the other day. I knew it was what he needed at the time and was glad to hold him for a few minutes. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me or care about me. Actually, quite to the contrary. It means he values that closeness from me when he's having a rough day.

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. So Sorry you're Feeling hurt but Hopefully things will Improve for everyone. Stay Safe. Stay strong. i think she was simply being Honest. What are your feelings towards your mother otherwise? If things are good then i wouldn't worry about that. Perhaps it is worth talking to her about this and about how it made you feel. Please do not give up. You deserve the best like everyone. Please do keep us updated if you want to. i am available even through a pm if that is needed. Hopefully others will be available as Well. Sending many Safe, Warm hugs to BOTH you, @modestlychee6463, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I was talking about my feelings and she said she needed a hug. So I hugged for five minutes. She wasn't in that great of a mood.

Ok, so as you were expressing your feelings or concerns, she made it to be about herself and her needs?

She said she needed that hug. She may had been thinking you were both in need of one, especially when she was already in a bad mood.

Another thing that came to mind was timing on your part. If you noticed she was already in a bad mood, do you think she was capable of gi ing you her attention and empathy? That's hard for most people, depending what's going on in their heads at that time. I'm wondering, had you waited for a better opportunity, she may have responded in a way you needed her to.

I still think it has nothing to do with this specific hug. Do you often feel like your feelings don't matter to her?

It seems like I always pick the wrong time to tell anything to her but sometimes I feel like my feelings don't matter and it makes me not give a real damn. sorry to say. It makes me mad when she seems to defend the other person when I'm upset and it makes me think what's the point of trying when nothing would change.

That is familiar, that belief or concern haunted me for a long time. That I can't express my feelings right or that they don't matter to others. It felt horrible, to have that belief and not being able to escape it. A lot of my concern eventually got answered by things like MsLady above explained. Also, by other things, just overall a lot of studying my own feelings, other people's and so on. Just it comes together more over time. You have to see the entire relationship context with the other person, not just the one single situation or two or three single/specific situations. Then you are able to see better how the other person relates to you on the whole. It is possible they truly don't care or that you feel closer to them than they do to you, but it's also possible that they do care after all. Their actual intent and atittude and overall character also matters a lot. It is hard to explain better than this though.

😢That is very hurtful to say to anyone😩. I’m sorry that she said that to you.

I would feel hurt as well. I don't think it's necessary to say those words. Though sometimes, I'm guilty of just thinking of myself when I'm really down. Still, I try to be careful with what I say so that the other person would not feel the pain that I feel.

May I ask your age?