Loneliness and MSF

@cinnamonstick My son had a male friend he met in 6th grade. They became best friends with a few other boys throughout high school. During high school he came out as gay. They were all very supportive and remained best friends. After high school she began to transition. The guys were still supportive but she pulled away. There were physical and emotional changes with hormones and such. She was also finding herself in a new identity. It hasn’t been all positive for her as drugs and some unhealthy choices are what she is going through and that also had an impact on those friendships.

I had a best friend who also pulled away from me. Not having anything to do with gender but with drugs and bad choices she made and how I reminded her of those times she wanted to emotionally disconnect from.

When people undergo big changes maybe they pull away because they feel different from who they were. I hope this comment is supportive and hasn’t offended. I hope you reconnect with those special to you one day. You sound like a loving person.

That makes sense what both of you said.
I totally get the aloof now basically a mechanism for self preservation. And you reminded me about hormones, they can be so disruptive plus the complexity of brain chemistry changes.

Are there Any particular days or times you feel more lonely?

I am blessed right now to have my two sons here with us, but I feel so lonely in a long-term marriage that is a struggle of incompatibility. . You can not be alone and be lonely.

As for myself, I just pretty-much feel my particular loneliness, or perhaps it's more of an emptiness, all the time. I suppose the times when I feel it the most are when I'm not busy doing something. That's when the loneliness / emptiness bites the hardest.

It certainly is true one can not be alone and still be lonely. (Back when MSF was still Psych Central, there used to be an article in the archives on the subject.) However in my particular case, to a large extent, I have only myself to blame. As Leonard Cohen wrote in his song: "Bird on the Wire": "like a beast with his horn... I have torn everyone who reached out for me."

I'm happier as a loner. But I can't be alone anymore because of the voices. I miss my solitude so much. I yearn for it painfully. I was so happy with my many interests, which require solitude to enjoy. So many wonderful enjoyments have been taken away from me by the voices. I loved reading the classics & going back into time & using my imagination. I loved studying & learning. It was like "ooo ah!" all the time. I still get that a little bit by googling things & learning something new. The voices won't let me watch my DVDs, some of which I love very much. I have many, animated, nature, love stories, science fiction, spiritual, musicals,.... And my music! We don't listen to the CDs, etc. anymore. But some of of the voices sing & they let me google songs they like & we listen on my cell phone. So those are good moments.

I know little about this (voices), so please forgive me if I am off base, but do you see a psychiatrist? Can meds help control it?

I'm waiting for the covid to be gone, then I plan to look for an experienced doctor who can help me. The medications depend on the person's own chemistry & can have many different side effects. I hope for finding the right drug. Please cross your fingers for me.

This thread helps. I just saw a picture of a high school crush on facebook (with a young wife) and im like, would my life really be better if he were here? It would be all, lets do this, lets go there, bring me a beer. No thanks. So i did some thred-up shopping, bought some small tops to turn into my size, of beautiful material.

This photo is you, Unaluna, casual and gorgeous all on your own. He can get his own damn beer!

I have a memory from my childhood that I'll share related to the idea of "bring me a beer". I don't know why this memory has stuck with me all these years when so many others have gone wherever it is old memories go. But anyway... one day I was at a friend's house. (This would have been back in the late 1950's I would guess.) His father was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. My friend's mother was way-y-y at the other end of the house which was several rooms away. My friend's father called to his wife for her to come and pour him some more coffee. For some strange reason I've never forgotten that. I pour my own coffee (well... tea actually.)

And I imagine he called her “Mama” and she called him “Papa…or Sir?”

Gosh, marriages used to actually be that misogynistic!