Want to give up

I made numerous bad decisions. I ruined my looks and my life. I've tried over and over to do better and i just dig myself deeper in a hole i can't crawl out of.

I've asked God to call me home. Death is painful I'm afraid of pain. I just wish my life could be good. It's full of disappointments. I've lost my desire to keep trying. Nothing matters anyway.

Dear Aviza,

I am so, so sorry you are suffering. I've read many of your posts and they have often helped me to feel better and to be a better person. I wish I knew how to help you. You are a very special person!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Thanks Wen. I'm coming in and out of these feelings. My Arms worker helped off duty hours. I want to call crisis but fear being hospitalized. I have work demands. My daughter is graduating this weekend. Arms worker thinks it's the graduation getting to me and part of my disorder. Just ride the wave basically. I'm listening to a lot of loud music. It helps. And eating too much.

I am so sorry you are struggling right now. Be kind and gentle with yourself right now. I'm glad talking to your arms worker helped a little. Sending hugs your way. Yes ride the wave. It will get better.

Update, see spiritual healing post for details but i feel great. I'm excited about life again. Like my job. Feeling happy and good.

@Aviza, I am so glad you are feeling better. I also enjoy reading your posts. I hope you do so much better that it moves the mountains that you are dealing with. Please don't give up. You'll feel much better. And once it's all lifted, you will thank God you didn't do anything. Trust me. You'll move on from that stupid feeling and it'll be incredible.

So Sorry that you're struggling! Please do not give up! i am happy that things are getting better now at least for you. Do not hesitate to contact a doctor if you need Help. Hopefully you won't need Hospitalization but if that is the case please do consider it. i Hope your daughter's graduation will go Well. Do try to do the best you can. i am here if you need it and Hopefully many others as well. i Hope things will improve for everyone really soon. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Aviza, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!