[Isaiah99]

When i was a kid, the 1st time i realized i was different from the others was in 6th grade. People bullied me until i felt the monster in me awoke. Kids usually wanted to solve conflicts with fights,

Possible trigger:

but my dark side wanted to torture and kill. In rage, i fantasied about bashing my bully to death with a steel pipe as i roared as loudly as i could like a beast. I also wanted to kill other bullies with scissors, chairs, tables, etc.

I was so thankful i got moved to a different class one day. If i didn't, who knows what would've happened.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry you've had to deal with that! Please do not give up! Bullying can be tough to deal with i think and sometimes we can have bad thougths about it. The important thing is to not act out on them. It seems like you were able to deal with it by moving away from them at least. Does this have some repercussions on your adult Life as well? If that is the case perhaps a therapist may prove Helpful a bit. i Hope things will improve soon for everyone. Please do stay Safe. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Isaiah99, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Skeezyks]

Hello Isaiah: This appears to be your first post. Welcome to MSF! I hope you find being here on the forums to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you had to endure being bullied. I know how difficult this can be because I was bullied both verbally and physically throughout high school by a gang of older boys. And, as a result, I know what it can do to a person. (I often had the types of thoughts you describe in your post.) Personally I don't believe I ever recovered entirely. Hopefully you have been able to overcome. My best wishes to you.

[Isaiah99]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

So Sorry you've had to deal with that! Please do not give up! Bullying can be tough to deal with i think and sometimes we can have bad thougths about it. The important thing is to not act out on them. It seems like you were able to deal with it by moving away from them at least. Does this have some repercussions on your adult Life as well? If that is the case perhaps a therapist may prove Helpful a bit. i Hope things will improve soon for everyone. Please do stay Safe. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Isaiah99, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Yeah it affects my adult life too. I hate how it feels like bullying is accepted as a normal way of life. When we're kids, at least we could tell the authorities. Now as adults? It feels like people expect you to somehow deal with it on your own.

[Isaiah99]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Isaiah: This appears to be your first post. Welcome to MSF! I hope you find being here on the forums to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you had to endure being bullied. I know how difficult this can be because I was bullied both verbally and physically throughout high school by a gang of older boys. And, as a result, I know what it can do to a person. (I often had the types of thoughts you describe in your post.) Personally I don't believe I ever recovered entirely. Hopefully you have been able to overcome. My best wishes to you.

What was your experience like? Why haven't you recovered from it? I hate how it feels like bullying is accepted as a normal way of life. When we're kids, at least we could tell the authorities. Now as adults? It feels like people expect you to somehow deal with it on your own.

[Skeezyks]

@Isaiah99 Unfortunately my experience was sufficiently complicated that it would be unwieldy to try to explain it all here. However, although I've never been diagnosed with it, (I've never really be formally diagnosed with anything in particular except perhaps depression & anxiety) I do believe I could make a pretty-good case for a diagnosis of cPTSD.

You mentioned being able to go to the authorities when you're a child. In my case, everyone (including my parents as well as school officials) knew what was going on. But nobody cared. In fact, at one point, one member of the gang beat me up breaking my nose in the process. When he was asked why he did it he said I called him a name. (I should have been so bold!) So, in the end, I got blamed for it.

As an adult I've always been uncomfortable around other men. (I'm not that comfortable around women either.) And I've struggled with a boatload of anxiety as well as other things. Now, as an older adult, I have become a near-total recluse. I simply avoid everyone, in real life, as much as possible.