fear/nervousness getting worse

um, don't know where to begin...... just over the edge with fear or anxiety or nervousness or whatever the 'h' it's called!


these 'senses' or emotions must be jacked up right now. i'm noticing that most 'softer' or muffled sounds i think are bugs - to the point where i'm muting the tv at times to "check the sounds"!
i'm also constantly "double-checking" the things i see, since lone objects may or may not be moving. [this is partly brought on by a physical-medical symptom and the other part curiosity/concern]

and now tonight, just thru the roof....... i already don't like things flying at my face, especially bugs. when out of nowhere, i'm just watching tv like i had been doing for hours, when this bat/bird comes flying into the room!!!! it starts doing 'figure-eight' loops between the two rooms, which my chair sits right by the adjoining wall!
i'm so f-ing nervous and scared right now that i'm sweating & my pulse might be a 'tad' elevated.

i'm scared that this will make me nearly constantly afraid to go into various rooms in the house here, for fear of what might come flying towards my head!

i should be sleeping right now but i'm too afraid to. so now what?!
[ it's worth noting that i sleep in the room with the tv! ]

Dear jrae,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I suffer anxiety and panic disorder and definitely identify with you. Hope things get better for you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

So Sorry for what you're going through also! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the wise and wonderful Yaowen about Hoping that things will improve really soon also. i Hope you're considering contacting your Pdoc in you feel like it is getting too much to handle yourself and also looking for a therapist if you don't have one already. i remember things being pretty hard for you during this period so perhaps that may add to the anxiety? i am not sure really. Regardless i Hope you will have a speedy recovery. Please Do update us if possible if necessary. Do your best to take care of yourself and others. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @jrae, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

it seems as though my foresight was spot on!


how do i know if things have turned into something much more than a natural fear? cuz i'm thinking they have, especially the past week.

i'm like a kid afraid of the dark ...... except the 'monster' is in my house! i saw the bat again the second night, as i was about to enter that same room! so..........
all interior doors have been kept closed since then. and half the lights have also been left on, 24x7!!!!

6 days now and i've bearly been in my 'tv room'! i've "closed off" two rooms from the rest of the house, basically keeping it away from me. but i had one partly opened to let it out a window. so even being in that room, i'm constantly looking over my shoulder! i pause as i open the door to enter the room, waiting to see what i see. i have no idea if it is still inside, hiding somewhere.
the one time, i was wearing a baseball hat and even 'turned it around' so the brim was in the back so i could 'see above' me better!

and to top it all off -> i've lost my 'safe-place'!!
watching tv is something i could do for 16+ hours a day, more on those 'terrible d' ones (if you know what i mean). my 'comfy spot' was what my body physically needed, easy on the parts eased pain. and now........ i haven't watched tv in almost a week. my body isn't liking my new sleeping area, definitely noticing more pain.
but as i think about being back in my comfy-spot again watching tv, i'm terrified to think 'when' something will come out at me! the essential items i needed from that room were removed and have been sitting elsewhere since! i don't have any 'sounds' on inside here, as i'm 'listening for it' to see if it's still around. on the other side, every noise i hear, i wonder if that's it!?!


this has become way beyond normal emotions, right? i mean, is this something like hyperarousal ?? (i've been doing some online reading)

um........... it's been a h**l of a past six weeks. been doing kinda terrible - have shut down in a sense. haven't been talking much at all. it's all been just too much. and this last week has sent my emotions over the dam cliff

I am so sorry you've been struggling jrae. I hope it gets better for you soon.