[Aviza]

I was like this in my youth. I wasn't diagnosed until 32 with mental illness but struggled in silence as a teen.

I feel so level headed and clear headed it's a blessing. I just wish when I was married with my small children I felt this way. I missed out on life because I wasn't level headed.

it's disappointing to realize how much I missed because I didn't have an earlier diagnosis.

[Broken Old Man]

Its a true blessing that you are now level headed and clear.

Its easy to look back and wish things were different,

But we can't change the past.

On the other hand, we can grow from it.

Your children are still your children and there are millions of memories yet to be made.

BOM

[Aviza]

my son died when I went crazy. my daughter is now 19 grown living her life. I guess my grandma years when they come will be my best years.

[cinnamonsun]

My journey has been different, but there was a period of my life, for almost 7 years, where I was so disabled I could hardly take care of myself. I lost my BF, had to drop of grad school, and lost a potential career, my disability was a problem in my family. But then I overcame it and got better. I spent a lot of time feeling depressed and sad because I never got to experience what other people were experiencing.

What we lose, it is sad. But as BOM said...there is still more life to live. And the past is what it is. I never got to fully experience a large portion of my twenties, never got to get married. I never got to experience being a parent. But there is still so much to life. New dreams, new friendships, relationships, new jobs, new adventures. I extend deepest condolences to your loss. Just know that this isn't the end, any time can be a new chapter or new beginning.

[Aviza]

well those feeling have come crashing down. I'm now suicidal. know if I did it everyone would be shocked because of how great I've been doing.

[Broken Old Man]

Aviza,
I'm truly sorry you are feeling this way.
I don't really have any advise for you. I don't know what you are going through.
I can share with you that in early 2020, before COVID, I met someone that I connected with. We had a short romance that ended for various reasons, COVID being a main driver. However, we remained close friends and the possibility of more was always there. My friend, I'll call her Z, had many issues, depression, social anxiety, and probably more that I didn't know about. She also had several physical medical issues she was dealing with.

Long story short, on Feb 20 of 2021, I passed my two weeks after full vaccination and got my get out of jail card. I reached out to her, hoping we could meet,

Possible trigger:

only to get a response from one of her daughters that she had passed the night before. As it turned out, she took her own life. She had her reasons and I respect her decision, but it left a hole in my heart that likely will never be filled. She was really the only close friend I had at the time. I miss her terribly.

I encourage you to NOT take your own life. You DO matter. I know you do.

BOM

[Aviza]

thanks Bom. sorry your relationship didn't work out.