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Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 49
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Mar 28, 2023 at 05:59 AM
#1
Is there something wrong with me for being too quiet? I feel like people eventually quit liking me because of it. I keep feeling like something about me people want to avoid but I don't know.
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 ArmorPlate108, Discombobulated, mote.of.soul, Pinny, Yaowen
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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Mar 28, 2023 at 07:07 PM
#2
Perhaps you are an introvert.
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Member
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: Kansas
Posts: 161
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Mar 29, 2023 at 07:07 PM
#3
I have had some very quiet friends over the years. I liked them as people, so I would hang out with them, suggest we zoom, meet for coffee, etc. However, I clearly remember experiences with some of these people where I was forced to do almost all of the talking, just to keep the conversation going. And this often meant me just struggling to squeeze out anything I could think of about my life, my thoughts, my job, my relationship. I tried to engage them but often got just monosyllables. At the end, I often felt exploited, that they were just somehow eating up whatever I had to say but not revealing anything about themselves, almost like I was there to entertain them. It felt so one-sided that I dropped some of those friendships. I'm not saying that's what's going on with you and your contacts, but that was my honest experience of interacting with extremely quiet people. Not sure why they were like that. Sometimes I felt they had an issue with letting themselves be vulnerable, but for sure they were not meeting me halfway.
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Mad Walker
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
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Mar 30, 2023 at 01:05 AM
#4
From my perspective "is there something wrong with being quiet?" My answer is, no, absolutely not. Quietness is nice. Quietness is good. I like quiet people so long as they've revealed enough about themselves for me to know who they are inside. And that doesn't take much to assertain, DarkMagician.🙏
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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Samicat
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Member
Member Since Apr 2023
Location: Michigan
Posts: 303
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Apr 04, 2023 at 12:16 PM
#5
There is nothing wrong with being quiet. I keep to myself for the most part and I keep my circle small. Life is too short to be concerned with how you think others feel about you. Just you be you. Live your life and let things fall into place. Peace.
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indigo1015, Samicat
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Grand Member
Member Since Dec 2010
Location: Westminster, CO USA
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Apr 08, 2023 at 06:28 PM
#6
Nothing wrong with being quiet… in my opinion, people have lost the ability to actually talk to each other— mostly when someone tries to talk to me they just dump their life story on me, **** I never asked to hear about and didn’t want to learn in the first place. I don’t see the point in doing that, and I can sum people up fairly quickly and decide for myself whether or not I want to get to know them. Life’s too short to waste time on people who you don’t really want to be involved with. I only have a few friends, but we are very close; they are the family I chose. That’s all I need.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2023
Location: Canada
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Apr 08, 2023 at 07:35 PM
#7
@DarkMagician did you want to share anything else about the situation? I do think it depends on what scenario you are in. Like DoroMona said if you're out with one other person, it can be daunting if they don't talk at all. But in a group I wouldn't see it as an issue. You also could pre-emptively say "Don't anyone feel bad if I don't say much - I'm naturally quiet." Because sometimes I think people feel like if someone is silent, they are judging. It's not your responsibility to tell them otherwise but it might be nice if you think your silence is making others uncomfortable.
I'm about 75% extraverted, but I feel like our modern urban (Western) society really does expect everyone to be outgoing and punishes those who aren't. It's not fair but I guess a silent person is an unknown quantity in a way. You could make friends with someone extremely talkative and go places with them. I don't know how else to take the pressure off but there are probably therapists who could advise you - even Youtube. It also depends if you are just naturally quiet or socially anxious. |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 49
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Apr 17, 2023 at 04:22 AM
#8
I don't know what else to say and I feel like people won't understand me anyways except that I try to talk to people and feel like I just might not say a whole lot especially with most new people but I guess it just depends on the person. I feel that I am pretty quiet and people will judge me for it and make me feel bad about it or say that I don't try hard enough. I feel like people are judging me. I feel like I'm not good enough. I have a really hard time making new friends and meeting people. It can also take me a very long time to get comfortable and open up to most people.
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| Discombobulated, Pinny
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
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Apr 17, 2023 at 12:31 PM
#9
I also take time to open up and feel comfortable with people, it seems to me that this is a wise trait to have.
Sure, some may negatively judge you for being quieter but they probably aren’t people you’d gel with anyway? |
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indigo1015
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Member
Member Since Apr 2023
Location: Georgia
Posts: 32
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Apr 18, 2023 at 09:14 PM
#10
I agree with the most recent posts answering your question. I’m definitely an introverted person, and don’t really enjoy engaging people for too long a period of time. It wears me out. I’m more comfortable letting others do the talking, and if that is what you mean by “being quiet“, then I know exactly what you are talking about. In any event, for whatever reason you are a quiet person, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And if others don’t like it, then they are not very good friends, are they?
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Grand Member
Member Since Feb 2022
Location: Scotland
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Apr 19, 2023 at 02:43 PM
#11
Quote:
 I think the best place to meet people is where you have common ground. Whether that’s work, travel, online groups etc. it doesn’t make it easy, just provides you with a shared passion and passionate people are amazing! |
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