Constantly triggered

Holy cow. My anxiety symptoms were so bad today at work that I froze at my computer for a large portion of my work day. I’m scared.

Again today, it happened. This time when my brain stopped working I thought I maybe just needed coffee. I got two strong iced coffees. 1-2 hours later, my brain froze again. I couldn’t focus. It took me 2 hours to write one email. I went home. I spoke with a nurse who prescribed a new anti anxiety med 9-10 days ago. She wants me to stick with it and see how I feel in another week. She said it can take 2 or even 3 weeks to truly take effect. She’s referring me to a psych nurse now. I also received a referral today for a trauma therapist. Ok so there’s some progress in the right direction. But total brain freeze, 2 days in a row at work, making it too difficult to focus? I told my best girlfriend that it almost felt like my brain has gone into a state of shock. I can’t remember what I did the day before. I go into a room and forget why and what I was doing. I’m getting chores done and am able to care for my cat. I close the curtains when I’m home. I’m so on edge when I drive in town. Thinking I could see my abusive ex husband at any time, anywhere, or even driving by my home. I feel claustrophobic.. him moving so close to me is having a severely negative impact on my mental health. It’s getting worse since I spotted him three times in the last month. I feel stalked and abused all over again, a full year after our divorce. I’m being retraumatized with him living so close by. I was so happy for a whole year following the divorce.. until he moved right back into my neighborhood. I believe he did this deliberately to ruin my life. He did this right after he learned I had been dating. Now I close my curtains. I feel like a traumatized petrified person hiding in my home. How can I work? How am I going to make it through work tomorrow? This is horrible. Absolutely horrible.. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.

I read last night that PTSD can do this to a person's brain and cognitive functioning. I drove home from work yesterday on constant alert for danger. I woke up this morning with the same danger alerts immediately on. My heart is racing. My thoughts are racing.

I pray that this trauma therapist gets in touch with me ASAP.

I'm going to tell my boss I need to work from home again today.

I saw a trauma therapist last night who will work with me. He diagnosed me with PTSD. I asked about EMDR therapy and he's getting trained in EMDR in Sept-Oct. If possible, I may also pursue that type of treatment, but his practice is located at least a couple hours drive away from where I live. We're holding virtual sessions for therapy.

At least now I have a therapist that I can meet with weekly. Thank goodness.

Hi Hope,

First off, I want to say, "Thank You" for how wonderful and positive and supportive you've been to me for years on here. I appreciate your thoughtfulness so much.

Can I take this conversation in a different direction?

Please, if you can, indulge me for a few minutes.


There are anxieties that don't respond well to traditional medications. We all know that. We know there are people who "light up" at times. I have every belief that everything you are saying is real and true. OK? But what if the root cause of this one is something different?

Have you ever looked at histamine as a neurochemical? It does a lot of wacky things to us.

The stuff I'm going to tell you about is all based on published research I've read over the years. At one time, I did a degree related to advanced sport performance. I was especially interested in the role that inflammation played, both as an adaptive response (making muscles grow stronger) and as an injury response (swelling).

Histamine is an inflammation response, but it also has a lot of effect on the brain.

It's possible to end up in a loop.... Heightened anxiety triggers a stress response which includes mast cells dumping inflammation chemicals, those inflammation chemicals produce responses in the body such as vasodilation, changes in gut motility, sweating, water retention, and other things. IF your liver can't clear those inflammatory chemicals out of your blood in time, the feedback mechanism to your brain begins to light up AGAIN! Think about the panic that sets in as you get sick or injured. Your brain is freaking out because of feedback from your body. Well, it's kinda the same thing.

Histamine produces heightened sensory responses too. High histamine levels are seen in schizophrenia, multiple sclerosis, in people who have very vivid dreams (not all of us see color, or feel pain, or smell things in our dreams), in fibromyalgia, in dysautonomia, migraines, and other conditions. Mast cells, which release histamine, are often higher in biopsies in people who have these illnesses. Dr Theoharides at Tusfts University has been saying for years that Fibromyalgia is a misdiagnosed mast cell condition, for example.

People who have dealt with trauma are more prone to heightened inflammation responses, and that includes higher levels of histamine.

But something that was interesting to me was that in double blind studies done on nurses, where a dose of histamine was injected, a large percentage of them responded by having panic attacks. Histamine induces anxiety.

An antihistamine isn't the single best option for treatment though. An antihistamine just blocks the histamine receptors. It's like playing musical chairs.... The blocker gets to the chair first. But then the histamine just floats in the blood until it can attach to another tissue.

A person may need some help breaking it down, and lowering the levels in the blood to begin with.

IDEAS! JUST IDEAS BECAUSE I'M NOT A DOCTOR!!

1. Antihistamines that act on a couple of types of tissues - like gut and sinuses - Pepcid and Benadryl

2. Reduce mast cell responses - magnesium supplements, because magnesium blocks mast cell receptors and keeps them from popping off so much. If magnesium upsets your stomach remember it can be absorbed through your skin, so an epsom salt bath 2x a week can be a big help.

3. Supplemental glutathione, vitamin C, and fish oils - ALL of these help break down histamine and reactive oxygen species that histamine produces.

4. DAO supplements - your body produces DAO to break down histamine. If your DAO or Glutathione levels are lower than normal, a person could possibly have higher levels of circulating histamine because their body just can't get rid of it.


Anyway.... JUST IDEAS.

Love yourself. You're awesome and we appreciate you.


RDMercer

@RDMercer,

It's been my pleasure supporting you through your journey, and that's what we're here for.. to support and help each other through the struggles and pain we face.

And WOW! No, you're not a doctor, but you must play one on TV! HEHEHEHEE.

Love this advice, and thanks so much for sharing it with me now. This could not be better timing, in fact. I have inflammation in my groin that has gotten far worse lately due I believe to anxiety and panic attacks. I am taking vitamin supplements and anti-inflammatories, but your advice sounds spot on and I will definitely look into this further. I greatly appreciate you coming onto my thread and helping me like this... it's been so quiet on the forum lately, and I've been wondering where everyone I know went!

Again, thank you. You're an Angel, and I appreciate you! And right back at ya - love yourself always and take good care of YOU!!!!

Another thing about histamine….

Think about the deep muscle fatigue you feel when you have a bad cold or flu.

Histamine disrupts energy production in your muscle cells. We have a few different pathways that we can breakdown sugar and turn it into a form of chemical energy (called ATP) that your muscles can use.

One pathway is slower, but produces a lot of ATP and very little byproducts.

The other is intended to provide a short burst of energy (BEAR! RUN!) but it is inefficient. It doesn’t produce as much energy and also produces more fatigue (waste) products in the muscle, like lactic acid.

High levels of histamine causes your muscles to lock into the low production pathway. You end up feeling deeply exhausted.

The OTHER problem is, because histamine can heighten sensory input (I’m sick, and this blanket is scratchy, and everything is too loud, and that light is too bright) it messes up your sleep.

Fatigue and poor sleep will also induce anxiety. ALL OF US are on edge after a few days of poor sleep.

Like I said, I went down this rabbit hole about 25 years ago looking at skeletal muscle energy pathways. Then I ended up with two family members with autoimmune issues. I used to spends hours each day looking up published research on these topics.

The heightened pain you talked about…. Histamine causes skin sensitivity (think hives) but you have to recognize that things inside us that “line” our internal parts are all still skin. The lining of your mouth and gut is skin, more or less. So is the lining of your bladder. And your sex organs.

High histamine levels have been seen in irritable bowel, irritable bladder, and vulvodynia.


RDMercer

@RDMercer,

I have been losing sleep too. In fact, last night I hardly slept! This all makes sense to me. I will take your advice and will get some Magnesium. I can't stand fish oil due to the smell and taste - way too fishy! LOL. I will look into the other supplements too, thanks again!

Quercetin is an excellent mast cell stabilizer.

There are so many things that can tip the balance in this system….

What if your mast cells are more reactive or sensitive than normal?

What if your body has a poorly-metered reaction to something, meaning you dump MORE histamine than you should?

What if you’re on the low end of producing glutathione? We test for low thyroid and low insulin. But glutathione isn’t tested.

The other way histamine is cleared from your body is by a compound called diamine oxidase. What if your DAO levels are low? There’s no test for DAO.

What if you have low magnesium and vitamin D levels?? Both those cause a huge host of symptoms, all related to mast cells.

Mast cells are specialized white blood cells. What if your white blood cell count is slightly elevated all the time but still within the range of “normal”?

There are SO MANY things that could cause all this and fly under the radar.

Dr Theoharides again has produced repeatable research showing that Quercetin (derived from apple skins) does a great job of stabilizing mast cells. That’s been duplicated again and again.

There are also OTC drugs available that are mast cell stabilizers. Naso Crom is a chromolyn nasal spray. It stops mast cells from popping off instead of treating the histamine response after it’s released. A lot of chronic migraine sufferers get relief from this nasal spray because of histamines connection to migraines and light sensitivity.

Anyway.

RDMercer

@RDMercer, I am actually long overdue for the annual blood tests that I should be doing to check on all those levels you mention. I also will start taking a multi-vitamin for middle-aged women that has vitamin D and magnesium.

I am menopausal, and I am sure that this phase is also contributing.

My sleep began to be grossly interfered with, beginning just several months ago. I was waking up consistently at 3-4 AM, unable to fall back asleep and wide awake. I now only need 6 hours of sleep instead of 8 per night. My energy level is just fine during the day on 6 hours, but my internal clock has clearly shifted quite a lot, and I am attributing that to menopausal symptoms.

I am hearing from similar aged girlfriends that there is very little current medical research on menopause symptoms and treatment options, and that doctors rely on research conducted in the 60'6-70's! That's appalling. So present doctors rely on outdated information and have very little to say about any new or unheard of symptoms women display due to menopause. And every woman's experience can be different because the physiological makeup is unique to every person.

Point being, I am in menopause and that plays a significant role, perhaps not regarding the inflammation and pain I have in my groin, but definitely my sleep and my hormones are going haywire.

So I will research women's multi-vitamins and may also begin icing or applying a heating pad to the area that hurts on my groin. It's gotten so much worse now, and I've been dealing with it for the last 2 years.

My wife's pain doctor once prescribed cromolyn sodium oral solution. But she didn't like the taste of it, or it upset her stomach, so I never found out if it helped. (She did mix it into a beverage.)

Cromolyn is available in capsules too by prescription

It’s an amazing drug when you read about it; very few interactions with other medications, safe in high doses, few side effects and those tend to subside quickly.

It’s been around for so long there are no patents on it, so it’s not marketed by drug companies.

There’s another natural compound called palmitoylethanalamide that is widely used in parts of Europe (Holland, Italy, Spain) as a treatment for chronic pain and inflammation. It, again, is naturally present in your body and it’s possible to be deficient in it. The researcher who discovered its role won a Nobel prize.

Palmitoylethanolamide controls mast cell die-off. All our tissues turn over. Cells die and regrow. Palmitoylethanolamide controls the rate of that in mast cells. Over a period of 2-3 months, once taking it, it will reset the cycle. In Holland it’s sold as PEApure and there’s another manufacturer in California.

It’s a really safe option to try for chronic pain conditions. It’s been tested in tens of thousands of long term test subjects in Europe and is prescribed for pain management in some countries.

Looks like it caught on with other manufacturers

Palmitoylethanolamide (PEA) Powder - Natural Relief

PEA400 Palmitoylethanolamide Vegetarian Capsules
– Healthtree

Buy Palmitoylethanolamide Capsules (PEA) | Palmitoylethanolamide Benefits

Thank you for the information about palmitoylethanalamide, @RDMercer!

I got really triggered yesterday by an old college friend to the point where I almost left her at the beach, which would have ruined the whole afternoon we had planned together.

Backstory: we had been planning a get together since last spring. We talked back then on the phone about kayaking, or maybe a concert together, and meeting up somewhere halfway between where we live.

Well, finally, we made a plan about 2-3 weeks ago to meet up at a beach spot existing between us.

I had assumed since we had spoken last spring about a get together, that it would just be the two of us meeting up. We are old college buds afterall, and we rarely have the chance to see each other so we've been long overdue for a visit.

Well, without asking me first or telling me, she decided to bring her 15-year old son with her yesterday. I was only informed of this as I was already in my car driving north to meet her.

This threw me off and I got kinda mad on my drive. I texted to let her know it wasn't what I had anticipated, while also telling her it was fine and we would have a good time.

However, just as I had expected, her attention was moreso on her 15 year old son than on catching up with me. And this is when the trigger started. He had brought a paddleboard and was in the water with it. I was trying to explain and communicate a long-ish story to my friend, yet she was standing and watching him instead, telling me that maybe she should go to him and wondering if he was OK.

So I had to say to her: he's fine! He's 15, he will be just fine on his own! Then I informed her that I was trying to tell her a story but she's too distracted by her son. I may have also blurted out that I was upset that she didn't forewarn me that she was bringing her son.

Immediately, she bristled and became very defensive, telling me that none of her other friends minded this kind of thing. So I calmly explained that my preference was that she at least tell me ahead of time, or ask me if it's OK if he joins us for our day together. Well, she did not take that feedback very well, and that's when I became so triggered that I had to leave her and take a walk down the beach by myself.

At which point, I called my mother and 2 other friends, so triggered and thinking I should just leave the 2 of them at the beach and drive home at that point. I was that upset.

Finally I walked back to where she was sitting, and she apologized. Her apology softened me and I was able to calm down to stay with her and continue our afternoon.

We caught up a bit more, but I did leave 4 hours after meeting up and decided to head back home. I determined that 4 hours was plenty enough time to have spent.

Her son was great, don't get me wrong. In fact, he was adorable and very cool to hang out with. I told her this, too, and made sure to let her know that it was wonderful to meet her son.

But still, the confrontation I had with her not informing me of him joining us kinda soured the whole experience for me. I had driven a total of 3 hours round trip for this visit with my friend.

She texted later that next time, we can plan on a girls only ski day this winter. We did talk about going skiing together. So, she did understand, but in the heat of the moment of me being triggered and communicating my upset, she had become defensive.

This makes me wonder how I communicate when I am triggered. It may come out to others as a very condemning, harsh tone of judgement and blame. I mean, she became defensive and one reason people become defensive is if they feel attacked in some way.

So now I am wondering if I resort to being on the offensive and come across as attacking someone when I am triggered?

I know that when I am triggered, people often do become defensive with me in response.

Then again, when I am triggered, it's often because I feel disrespected by that person and call them out on their disrespectful behavior.

9 times out of 10, the person in question cannot handle my direct and honest feedback and commonly will deflect responsibility for their actions and/or go on the attack on me...

Which then for me, begs the question: is it me being overly emotional and reactive, or is it that generally speaking, certain types of people cannot handle being called out on their bad behavior??

So, I want to unpack and dissect this incident and confrontation.

The whole afternoon my girlfriend talked about herself without once asking me how I am doing or what's going on in my life. This also was a trigger, and reminded me of my narc ex husband and of many other narcissists I had to deal with in my life, including my own father.

So, that was a trigger already occurring for me, leading up to the confrontation.

Finally, when I had a chance to talk about some of my own issues that I am facing, her attention instead of being on me and my story, it was elsewhere and focused on her son. So, here, I felt neglected, another trigger for me in dealing with narcissists.

Then, when I tell her I am upset, her response is to become defensive and go on the offensive, by saying that none of her other friends mind. So, the message there is, what's YOUR problem? No one else has this problem with me, but YOU. An isolation factor, yet another trigger for me. Now, I am being called out as being the isolated single person who has an issue with her bringing a kid along.

Then, when I calmly explain my position, she still couldn't apologize or hear me in the heat of the moment, forcing me to take a time out and walk away from her.

This incident is reminding me of narcissists in my life: which now makes me wonder if my old college friend is a narcissist?

I did notice that she has become quite bristly and harsh in her tone. I had said something else to her quite innocently, and she lashed out at me with a very harsh tone in response.

The situation: I had commented very neutrally & non judgmentally on her political beliefs, and which candidate she supports for the Presidency. I did make an assumption on her stance based on what friends had told me about her political leanings. Yet, I found myself becoming extremely and overly apologetic to her after she became so harsh and bristly with me over my assumption.

Yeah, I get it. I made an assumption, but why was I suddenly feeling like I had to walk on eggshells with her, sensing or anticipating that I could step on a landmine that could set her off at any time?

Then again, I have been informed that her own husband is a narcissist, and she is dealing with that at home, and has been for more than 15 years.

Which leads me to wonder: is my girlfriend yet another narcissist I have come across in my life, or is her behavior the product of marrying a narcissist?

She talked all about herself, she went on the offensive when i called her out, and she has a very bristly, harsh tone and hardened seeming personality. Oh, she's also a therapist working for the army. She told me all she''s heard about since March is suicide. That could explain her hardened persona. And, she married a narcissist.

I don't know. Once again, I feel like recoiling from all people, sticking only to my closest girlfriends whom I know are NOT narcs.

Ok, another incident occurred, but this time, with an old childhood girlfriend that I reconnected with a year ago on Facebook after 35+ years. Back then, she and I became best friends in junior high school. We went our separate ways after we moved onto high school. We attended different schools, and then we totally lost touch after that.

Well, she reappeared on Facebook last year and we reconnected. We got together only twice, once for lunch and once for kayaking. The lunch we had was more of a cocktail and catch up lunch that went on for several hours.

She had married and was amidst divorcing a narcissist at the time. At lunch, I was astounded at the completely different person in front of me. In junior high school, this girl had been a rock star- a straight A student and star athlete - to boot, she was very beautiful and seemed to have it all. BUT, the adult woman 35+ years later sitting in front of me at lunch was a sad mess of a person with obvious low self esteem. She was dating toxic men through her divorce, and couldn't see the toxicity when I pointed it out to her.

Anyways, I attempted other get togethers with her, and she would confirm then canceled multiple times, so we only had those 2 times together, then she disappeared for the next year.

Fast forward to this past summer - she resurfaces and contacts me out of the blue, wanting to get together for any local music show. I attempted multiple times to invite her with me, but she declined every time.

Fast forward to end of the summer - her schedule finanlly allowed us to get together for a lunch, cocktails, and catch-up time this past weekend. We agreed to meet on Sat.

Well, I came down with horrible laryngitis, and had to cancel plans with her kind of last minute on Friday. She had done that to me multiple times last year, so I figured she would understand.

I did have other Labor Day weekend plans that I kept despite my condition of laryngitis. I canceled with her in knowing that sitting at a lunch drinking cocktails with her would likely turn into yet another 3-4 hour talking fest, which would strain my voice and probably make me lose it even more. I kept my other plans, however.

So Labor Day weekend I saw a couple of different bands and I drove to Maine to see a girlfriend from college, the one I wrote about above. Yes, my voice was still hoarse and strained,. but she and I had made this plan several weeks ago, and I didn't want to cancel on her. We also hadn't seen each other in several years.

Well, so I did post photos of my weekend on Facebook - of the 2 bands I saw and of my friend and I at the beach in Maine.

So, this childhood girlfriend saw my Facebook posts, and thought that I must have lied to her about my laryngitis. So, she wrote the most snarky, sarcastic and passive aggressive comment on one of my posts. I replied and explained myself. Then I texted her individually to follow up privately with her about it.

She did not reply until later that evening. I confronted her on her Facebook comment, telling her that to me, it sounded very snarky, very sarcastic and passive aggressive, and asked if that was how she meant it to be. She replied with, well you had plenty of room for other plans this weekend. So, that confirmed to me that yes, her comment on my facebook post was meant exactly as I had interpreted it.

I promptly reacted and told her that I don't need more toxic people and toxic crap in my life, that I did not deserve that kind of comment, I said take care, and then I blocked her.

Oh, and before that had occurred, I had sent her a voice recording of just how bad my laryngitis is.

So now the next morning, I am seething from this latest experience with yet another toxic person.

I am just so done. I have had it with these types of f'ed up people that come into my life. F*uk it and F *uk them. F*uk her while I am at it. I am just plain DONE.

The more I explore and venture on my own trying to make new friends, the more I see just how many people in this world are toxic. And it's totally freaking me out.

Sorry to hear about those interactions, it sounds difficult.

You’ve probably had way more experience of narcissistic personalities than me, but I read this article about covert narcissism:

Covert Narcissist: Signs, Causes, and How to Respond

It can be more subtle apparently. Of course narcissistic behaviour can be a trauma response, in the case of your friend who experienced narcissistic abuse herself, although that’s not necessarily the case of course.

You couldn't... be wearing toxic-colored glasses or something like that, could you?

Thank you, dear. I’ve read Grey rock is the best response to narcs. It’s feasible this gf has a trauma response and likely does if she was abused by her narc ex husband. Then again, maybe she’s the narc and is projecting that diagnosis onto him. That’s feasible too! Lol. What I do know is her behavior reminds me of a narc, and raised alarm bells.

No. I see a lot of toxic people in this world. And there are.

I’m pretty much astounded by people’s poor behavior. My boss totally micromanages all my written communications at work. I had to teach and coach her on the industry/ my field and she likely wants some sense of control over me. It’s annoying af. Today I stood up for myself in the face of it. I couldn’t take anymore.

Ugh. I’m really starting to dislike the human race altogether.

I am becoming seriously unhappy. The only living things right now that I feel happiness and joy with are my cat, nature, the few close friends I have, the new friends I did make this year who are nice to me, my sister and my mom. All other people suck. I am so done.

I’m maybe the wrong person to comment on this but I do keep my world pretty close to me these days, family, couple of dear friends. Sure, have more friends but keep expectations down, a lot of people are almost entirely self motivated in my experience- even the otherwise nice ones, in fact I think our cultures encourage it. That’s my take. Maybe I’m pessimistic, some might say, I feel I’m more realistic.

Nothing wrong in keeping your world a bit smaller for a while, nurture who and what you have true connections with. Just my take.

Hi @Discombobulated, and thank you for your post!

I am of a similar mindset as you. To expand even further, we have entered into a world of rising technology, social media, and now AI. There are more scammers than ever before, and the rise of the Internet and technology have created this. Mean people and bullies hide behind their computers, while lashing out and projecting all their anger and rage onto innocent nice people.

I see this as only getting worse as AI takes over. I am certainly now far more cautious and deliberate than I've ever been when it comes to confiding in people and/or befriending new people I come across.

I want to hold my loved ones tight and close to me, and distance from all those who do not have my best interests at heart.

My girlfriend in Maine the other day really took me by surprise with her behavior towards me.

And when I reached out to a mutual college girlfriend of ours and told her of my experience with this girlfriend in Maine who had been prickly with me? Our mutual friend's response was nearly as surprising to me - she told me "well, she's not that way with me". So, I replied telling her that this statement only just serves to make me feel incredibly low and bad, and I told her that this is exactly what she does to me. Her response to me next was a gaslighting reply. She wrote "sorry you feel that way". I've researched this kind of reply, and it's toxic- it's a non-apology that deflects all responsibility, and is a very typical narc response.

This particular other college girlfriend I have suspected as being a narcissist, for some time now, without full validation yet. She has an air of superiority ALWAYS, and speaks to me as though I am 5 years old and that she must educate me about the ways of the world. And I do. know she is deeply insecure.. like DEEPLY. So I think she overcompensates and always has to be the superior one.

So, after her gaslighting comment, it sealed the deal for me, and I determined that she, too, is toxic for me.

This now equates to FIVE toxic women in FOUR months that I've determined I must sever relations with.

Even my college friend in Maine I would say is toxic. At least her behavior towards me was toxic the other day.

She is dealing with a narcissist husband, so I know from personal experience that the toxicity of that relationship dynamic can unknowingly seep inside and then express itself outwardly towards others. I am sure she doesn't mean to do this, but it's how the toxic marriage is expressing itself through her.

And my other college gf who gaslit me? GOODBYE. I decided I am DONE with her.

Sorry, I did not mean to unload, and I guess I just did! LOL.

Thank you again for your reply and input.. greatly appreciated.

I’m struggling. I’m sad I had to let go of two long- term college friendships. Even though it’s for the sake of my health and happiness, I’m grieving the loss. I’ve had to deal with so much loss over the last two years. A divorce, my father died, friends have died, and now losing nearly lifelong friendships. I’ve gained friends too, don’t get me wrong. I’ve met some amazing new people who have become my friends. But the losses are profound and I’m feeling them today. Funny thing is, with each loss I’m regaining myself. Except for friends who have passed away.