How to cope?

ive always been afraid to go to a physician about the things i am going through. i had always assumed that i had mild depression and if i could overcome it myself, then therapy or medication is unnecessary. Lately, ive developed new feelings and after researching it, i show every sign of this dependency personality disorder. so here it is...

ive always been in a relationship. always. never having a lapse in between. im currently in a relationship now, and he consumes me. ive lost my confidence, i surrender in any argument i am in, and i am severely afraid of loosing him. at all. im afraid when he goes to work and im home alone. i cant eat or sleep when he goes out of town with his friends, and if he doesnt answer the phone when i call, i become obsessed with calling him over and over and over again until i hear his voice. he went back home to stay with his family while waiting for a job in another state and we had plans to move together in the next couple weeks. i am literally afraid to go into my home now that he isnt here. i cant sleep in my bed without him. i cant go a day without calling him.

theres more, but to keep it short, these are just a few of the things directly effecting my life. so what do i do? what are some things to help cope with the loneliness? how do i stay motivated to go on and keep up with my responsibilities?

these forums are supposed to allow us to help each other, so for those who are actually diagnosed or even if you arent, what are some things to help???

Hi, slarah, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

I feel a bit unclear about what you want; it sounds like you want to keep the dependency rather than work to gain the self esteem to live alone if you need to or want?

When I've had difficulty with my husband going on business trips and not being able to sleep; I set up the house "as if" he were in it. I usually go to bed before he does and he would work on his computer in the other room or watch TV, read, etc. So, I kept the living room lights on, just as if he were there reading or in the next room, our "office", working on his computer. It soothed some of the anxiety and oddball thoughts I'd get of robbers, murderers, etc. :-) that I would not get when he was there.

However, I know I have a problem with feeling able to take care of myself (despite living alone for 13 years, working, paying bills, etc.) so I now work on that. I am afraid of the complexity of our finances so I am working with my husband to understand them, had him write me a "book" what to do if he becomes suddenly disabled or dies, etc. I am looking forward (I'm 62 this year, he'll be 69) to a time when I probably will be alone again and what I would like that to be like; how I'll live, who I'll see/have as my support group, what I'll do, etc.

If I were you, I would get a coach or therapist to work on issues you seem to have around being alone. I would embrace opportunities when he is away to "practice" being on your own and figuring out how you felt, why, what you can do for yourself to feel better/more competent, etc.