[CantExplain]

I had a long slow slide into depression, so I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my late thirties. Also, I was Aspergic and didn't know it. Maybe I've been depressed since childhood.

I don't make friends easily, but I kept the ones I got. I had a great time with my mates at university.

My big problem in adulthood was anger and my constant battles with authority, especially employers. I generally got on well with coworkers though. Somehow I never quite lost my job. I really am good at my job. They wouldn't have put up with me otherwise.

My first employer sent me to a behavioural therapist who tried to teach me coping strategies and how to be less manipulative. I think he succeeded.

My wife sent me to a new age nurse who did talk, massage, affirmations and "energy balancing". I think the talk was helpful.

Then I went to a small town and met my first proper psychotherapist. I didn't really "attach" to her, but I did learn to cry. She was the first person to realise that I was depressed.

Back in the big city I was given Prozac and it certainly made a huge difference. I never took more than two pills a day. I'd feel better, come off Prozac, crash and go back on Prozac again.

But Prozac didn't solve the anger so I had another go at psychotherapy. I went to one therapist briefly (I remember the Jungian sand tray) and later found the woman who would save my life.

I attached to HER all right. She was spookily like my mother. I had serious issues with my mother, but she was already dead. I felt this therapist was my last chance to "connect" with my mother. I gave her all the hate I had been saving for my mother, and all the love.

As I let go of my anger and hate, my depression lifted. For a couple of years I'd come off Prozac in the summer but always have to go back on when the weather closed in again. This winter I have taken Prozac only on a couple of bad days. I still have Prozac in my drawer, but I don't expect to take it again.

So I'm happy now, most of the time, for no good reason. And when I get a knock, I bounce back very quickly. I'm cured.

[learning1]

I like your definition of cured- being happy most of the time and bouncing back quickly. Nice to have an idea of something to aim for.

[Tim Madigan]

I had a very similar journey, and I always suspected the my long depression was rooted in rage and anger. I finally got to the real core that stuff in the last year, and just poured it out, unedited, into page after page of a legal journal. The key was being totally honest with myself about how angry I was, not judging myself, and just pouring it out onto paper. Today my life is similar, freedom with occasional glimpses of the old stuff, that I deal with honestly and fairly quickly. Never could have believed life could be this free.

[Krose]

I went to therapy in my late 40's to overcome my depression. I did not realize how much anger and rage I was carrying around for all of my life. The first thing I did was begin to journal all of that out. It took a long time and I went through many journals in which I poured my heart and soul into. The freedom I have received from that as well as talk therapy has been amazing. Once I was able to share in a safe environment all that emotion, the barriers and walls slowly broke down and I realized the freedom and choices I did have in my life. This has changed my world.