[Poppet]

Hi everyone, just wanted to let you know that I am slowly 'coming back'.

I have had a 2 steps forward, 4 steps back thing going on and haven't been around lately.

In my ideal world I would like to post everyday and keep in touch with support for you, too.

But, I am finding the physical side of my illness very hard to manage now. In short, I have ache and pain in the head, neck, shoulders and back to a greater or lesser degree, every day. Been like this for around 4 years now.

Keeping cheerful (while also suffering with depression !) is mighty hard, but usually I manage it. I knew 'being easily pleased' would come in handy one day !

I lay in bed at night thinking of topics to discuss, things to say on the forums, but in reality (actually typing it out) I don't have as much energy as that would take.

I have become so unreliable since being ill - I don't want to be, but I am not able to do all that I would like. And I have got to come to terms with it .

I am feeling quite overwhelmed by everything, do you know that I went shopping in the city for 2 hours (inc getting there and back) and was totally exhausted by the end. It then affects my brain and I can't express myself, can't remember simple words, feel like my mind is a thick fog.

It is sooooooo frustrating...........I have lost my intelligence.............When I talk to shop assistants I come across as 'slow'..........maybe even drugged......... I look 'normal' but I am not...........I keep my eyes away from clothes which I love........don't go anywhere to wear them anymore......... I feel like I am disabled.......will I always be like this..........I now want to scream, but I won't.

Sorry about that, I know there are lots more ppl worse off than me, but there are also loads of ppl who take their jobs and life for granted and that is something I can't do anymore.

Thanks for listening, I was ok at the start, but then I just lost it.

Now that little rant will mean worse to come....ho-hum, think I will go and have a think about the meaning of life now.

Oh, hope you (if anyone's read this far !) are ok, I'm not always like this........Take care of you ! Poppet

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((Poppet))))))))))))))

Glad to see you're back!

I'm sorry your depression affects you so much ... would it help you to take short walks each day, especially now that the weather has got warmer? Being out in the sun (if there is any) or at least under the skies in the bright light may help you get some energy back, maybe?

It's great you went to town and back like that though. Last time you posted, you sounded pretty depressed and it's good that you could go out like that, even though it made you tired. Maybe next time you go out, things will be a little better .

[MacD]

Our love and support are with you.....if and whenever you need to vent...or when you just need a shoulder...I hope i'll be considered....much love...grace

[Poppet]

for your kind words.......
((((((((hugs))))))))) to Silver Queen, Ozzie, Jen, Wisewoman, Pat and Grace - I will never get tired of appreciating the fact that you noticed my post and chose to reply. You are stars !

I am hoping for a sunny weekend because I have a weekend away booked, once again I don't know how I'll be, but I am not giving up. Springtime helps me a lot.

I'd like to share with you 2 quotes that helped me after I did the big post (when I went off to reflect on life!). They come from the I Ching, ancient Chinese book of wisdom. Read into them what you will but they spoke to me.

" Things that accord in tone vibrate together. Things that have affinity in their inmost natures seek one another. Water flows to what is wet, fire turns to what is dry."

I felt this was like me in my search for like minded souls. IRL its rare. But on here I guess there are many of us.

" The earth is able to carry and preserve all things that live and move upon it. The earth in it's devotion carries all things, good and evil, without exception. In the same way the superior man gives to his character breadth, purity, and sustaining power, so that he is able both to support and to bear with people and things."

For 'superior man' I read it as 'aware person' ! It just helped me feel that I can bear my load, good and bad, equally. And other stuff that is hard to put into words right now ! hehehe

I don't want to alienate anyone with those quotes, I am always open to finding helpful things. And because one of the main things I CAN still do is read, I am looking into new things that I wouldn't have had time for before.

I wish you all to be well.......thanks again, Poppet