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Old May 21, 2009, 10:00 PM
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turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 9,092
my little bubble is breaking apart.

I feel like I'm falling apart , melting and freezing on the outside all at once... the hard shell is starting to come back on already.

That shell that I've FINALLY been shrugging off so that I can live and not hurt so much.

I was fully expecting to remain in this area this summer... now I am forced to return home, put on the shell before I'm ready... I don't know if I can return to school next semester and if I can't it'll be from now until January *which will break me for sure, if the summer doesn't*.

I feel like I can't bear to keep phone contact up with my bf while we're apart but at the same time how can I not? I just don't know what to do

I feel so helpless right now... like all the work I've done over that past 6 months is falling around me and crashing into a gazzilion pieces

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melting...

Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.


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  #2  
Old May 22, 2009, 12:30 AM
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leacon leacon is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2009
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Low on words tonight. Just remember we are here for you.
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turquoisesea
  #3  
Old May 22, 2009, 12:34 AM
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Anirtak Anirtak is offline
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Location: Make Believe Land
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I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time. I don't really have any advice except to just hang in there and I can offer some hugs:
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turquoisesea
  #4  
Old May 22, 2009, 03:33 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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  #5  
Old May 22, 2009, 07:06 AM
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justfloating justfloating is offline
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Location: Scotland/Canada
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Rebecca

"If you're going through hell -- keep going."
- Winston Churchill


It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection.
- Elizabeth Gilbert

Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong,
we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on.
Bring on the wonder, bring on the song,
I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long.
- Susan Enan


http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/
Thanks for this!
turquoisesea
  #6  
Old May 22, 2009, 09:06 PM
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turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 9,092
*hugs everyone*

It's just... that feeling again, the sadness that I know won't go away with a good cry, or with a hug, or a soft touch.

At home, I don't think I can escape it.

I'm scared, i'm hurt and lost...
__________________
melting...

Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

  #7  
Old May 23, 2009, 10:02 AM
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Berries Berries is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: in the glitch inside my brain
Posts: 2,160
((((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))
Just hang on for dear life turquoisesea. You can get through this. I just know you can.
Keep posting.
i care...
we care
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I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF

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Thanks for this!
turquoisesea
  #8  
Old May 23, 2009, 02:15 PM
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trevorzero trevorzero is offline
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Location: 616 Limbo Lane
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The hard work that you have done in an attempt to repair your life will yield positive results for your future. The days to come can be a CLEAN SLATE, regardless of the scars that you bring with you from the past.
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The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The Beginning
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turquoisesea
  #9  
Old May 24, 2009, 12:17 AM
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turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
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Thanks everyone... I do have to realize I need to try to put as positive a spin on this as I can. But I feel myself slipping just at the THOUGHT of being home, at the thought of being apart from my bf, so it's hard.

If anyone has any ideas how to deal with GUILT TRIPS... that would be great.

I'll be facing so many of them and that's currently the thing I can't escape that gets me down. I'm old enough there's a lot of other things my parents can't do to me anymore... but my mom lays some HORRIBLE guilt trips to the point that I believe them.
__________________
melting...

Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

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