[shame]

i found 2 lumps on me .. one just under my right rib cage ..and now one under my arm - the one under the rib hurts occasionally and the one under my arm is moveable and painless ...
we are laid off no insurance .. and you know .. i am at the point i really dont even care about getting them checked out ... really dont even care what it is.. life is unbelievably stressful .. and to me now these are no big deal .. do you blame me for not caring about this?
This is just going from bad to worse all the time .. i think my dissociation is taking me away from all this worry though .. will live on...

[Catherine2]

shame,
is there a community services clinic where you can go to get checked out?
those lumps can be from any number of things, but they do need checked out.

I'm so sorry you are going through so much right now,

Catherine

[Wants2Fly]

I understand what it's like to slog through the days as if time is quicksand. Please do make an effort to find a clinic where you can have this checked out. It sounds as if this will nag at you, if you don't. Wishing you all the best.

[shame]

Thanks for your reply Catherine ... see the odd thing is .. i really do not care what it is at this point .. sounds strange cuz i should be concerned but just really dont care. . i probably should be ..just too stressed to learn any more overwhelming stuff in my life.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by shame

Thanks for your reply Catherine ... see the odd thing is .. i really do not care what it is at this point .. sounds strange cuz i should be concerned but just really dont care. . i probably should be ..just too stressed to learn any more overwhelming stuff in my life.

shame,
I do understand your feelings...
There are times in our lives when we are overwhelmed with what is happening in our lives. It's likely true for you also?

Perhaps in a few weeks, you'll feel better emotionally and will seek medical intention for the lumps...
Please, if they become sore/inflamed/larger or you start running a fever--even a low grade one--either check in with your physician or go to the ER. ERs cannot refuse to treat you on income basis...

Best wishes,
catherine

[Fuzzybear]

(((((shame))))))))))) years ago I found one under my arm on news eve. Talk about he wrong time. As i had to wait to get it checked. It really freaked me out. Mine also moved. Was about the size of a pea.
I came from the land of if you had a lump. It meant not good.
I want you to know mine turned out to be a small infection. Antibotics ((spelled wrong)) cleared it up. The did do a mamagram. To be safe.
My son has some on his hipps they are cysts.

Back to you , the depresion is telling you I think that it does not matter. It does matter , you matter
depending on where you live there are free womans clinics for mamograms.
Also as was said the ER can not turn you away.
Seek help ((((shame)))))))))))))))))))))))
your worth it

[Berries]

(((((((((((shame)))))))))))

You may just have to force yourself to get this checked out. I know how hard it is to take care of yourself when you are depressed, but this could be serious.
Please keep us posted?

[shame]

Thank You all for your replies ..
The lumps are not small .. the one uder my rib is about 3 inches maybe 4
under my arm about 2 or 3 inches .. they could be minor and might just go away .. i probably will not go to a dr for it .. i know i should feel something like fear but i feel nothing .. just dont care ..with my life the way it is going just do not have room in my head to add more junk to deal with. Just do not care and certainly do not have the strength for more good news right now (sarcastically speaking of course)
Cancer is in our family long history .. so wouldnt be surprised if that would be the outcome of testing .. my mom is a survivor of breast cancer .. no one else throughou my family survived just suffered greatly
spent tons of money for a cure ..still did not pull thru.
Greatfully my mother caught it early enough to resolve.
But right now under way too much other junk to deal with - i cant deal with health issues .. and actually i really dont care right now about it..
i am not saying it is cancer .. but the history of our family . having so many that had it couldnt name all of them .. it just would not surprise me .
i am like .. so what.
i know this is not normal thinking but it is where i am at at this point ..
loosing job - now home - list is too long!!!
I am numb.

[Catherine2]

But shame, your life isn't always going to be so hard...
what then??

No one can see into the future/we don't have guarantees, but life is still worth living. Hard times are that--hard, yes. time has a beginning and an ending...so my own thinking is trying to remember that nothing lasts forever, at some point it will get better.

Your feelings/your numbness are understandable and I would feel the same way...
The depression we struggle with will blind us to the fact that we can overcome more than we realize.

I'm having trouble putting my thoughts into words, and I offer my apology.
Looking back and not doing something that I should have done has been a powerful and destructive thing for me and to me.

Catherine

[shame]

Catherine - Thanks for your reply .. I do agree that life changes and does not stay the same .. it is just in our case each stage is deeper than the one before .. and yea their really is not words to say .. life in itself is hard to juggle - balance .. to add health issues now is just not time to even make time. Cannot process anything else right now.. so i go numb.
When all the other is taken care of .. hopefully soon ... then maybe i can deal with it. . at this point its like well its just one more thing..so why worry about something that is not even in my power to handle .
Just wish all this was some kind of dream. .cuz at least i could wake up and life would be good. Life is good and worth living for the fortunate ppl
who can afford it . If my health issue is a minor thing it will be fine anyway.

[Wants2Fly]

Dearest Shame --

I can only repeat the urgency of sitting down with a telephone and finding a clinic to examine you. As one writer pointed out, it could be a small infection or a cyst. Now, you would not want a small infection to turn into one a big one that will make the days even harder? If it is cancer and you do not want treatment, you will then be in a position to reject it.

I had a friend whose rib hurt her for more than a year. Each time she coughed, she was in serious pain. She smokes, and she was afraid to find out what it might be. It was a cracked rib.

I do hope you will look into this.

[shame]

For your friend that sounds painful ! Hope she is better now.
Maybe one day i will get it checked out..will see in time if it just goes away.
Thanks for your reply

[eskielover]

Sad thing is that things like that don't just go away. My Mother ignored her cancer I don't know how long.....a simple cancer that could have been easily taken care of ended up a tumor the size of my fist on her vulva & the cancer spread......just because she thought is wasn't anything serious.......when it came down to the truth....one bad decision to ignor can end up costing your life....& end up making the end of your life the most miserable painful existance....much worse than taking care of something when you first notice it & it can be taken care of.

It was sad....my mother thought she was being such a good patient for this cancer surgeon....behind her back, he thought she was a stupid fool that didn't care about herself. It isn't a pretty picture when we ignore ourselves.

There are ways of getting the money cancelled off your bills when you don't have any money to pay.....so that isn't an excuse....Dr's will work with you & so will the hospitals...you just have to go through some paperwork explaining the financial hardship....it's not a problem....just a nuisance....but it's worth it to take care of yourself & not look back down the road, wishing you had made the right choice when you could.

I am sorry if this comes across hard, but I dealt with this with my Mother & it's still a sore spot with me.

Know we care & you need to care,
Debbie

[shame]

Thanks Eski for your reply .. its ok to be truthful andno need to apologize for your thoughts .. maybe its just that it is not real to me at this time for some reason .. sorry about your mother ..really.