[Anony]

Lately, more than ever, I'm feeling extremely suffocated. I mean more than I ever have in my life. At times I find it hard to breathe. First of all, I have my own depression, anxiety, etc to deal with and not to mention my ocd is out of control as well. I can't walk through one room without having to touch the center of everything I pass... but that's another story for another time.

Anyways, my mom and sister deal with depression as well and since no one in my family really talks to each other besides me (they all keep up with each other through me... I'm the messenger) all I hear about every day from anyone is how life is miserable and how they hate everything. I understand where they're coming from 100% but it's a lot to take in. I'm constantly worrying about them to the point where I fall asleep at night with tears streaming down my face.

My dad is having some joint problems in his legs so whenever I'm around him all I hear about is how much pain he's in. Just knowing that there's nothing I can do to help anyone breaks my heart.

Not to sound too pathetic, but on top of all that we're having a feud with our neighbors (who btw are the most inconsiderate people I've ever met in my life) and the other day I had a pretty bad panic attack when my mom and I were at the store. She said she's never seen me like that before and it terrified her (which of course only added to her depression).

Yesterday, I blew up and snapped at everyone. I don't know why but I just got mad so easily. I spoke with my sister and dad on the phone and furiously hung up on both of them, which later made me feel awful.

*sigh* Is this the way life is going to be forever? Always down and never ever ever ever up?

[kate1218]

Anony,

I know how you feel. But life is not forever going to be this way. Now you are not yourself. It is not reasonable for you to try to bear these burdens. When I am overwhelmed by everything, I read a book on being spiritual or on something I am curious about that is not serious. Be kind to yourself. Get rest, things will look up. It takes time. If I can help, please write me. I am new here. Kate1218

[turquoisesea]

It can get up. It sounds like there's alot on your plate - is there any way to lighten the load a little?

[Pomegranate]

(((Anony))) You can't take care of others if you are sick yourself, especially if trying to take care of others - even beloved family members - just adds to your sickness, your dis-ease.

I would nicely let your father, mom and siblings know that you are feeling very overwhelmed by life right now and need to really concentrate on taking care of yourself. (I hope you are getting some professional help?) HINT - if your family is supportive and accepts that, you are lucky. If any member says out right or insinuates that you are being selfish, THEY have a problem and you should especially keep a distance from that person.

Also, tell your mom and sisters that they need to talk to each other themselves. It's too stressful for you to be the *messenger* and you will not do that anymore. It's their responsibility to talk with each other.

Keep posting here so we know how you are doing and can support you in your efforts. You will not feel bad forever if you take steps to take care of yourself.

[kebsfroggy]

Pomegranate is right. Sometimes you just have to tell your family "I'm taking a time out."
It is not that you don't care about your family but your caring is taking over you life. You need to be able to concentrate on yourself for awhile.

[justfloating]

((((((((Anony))))))))

I agree with what everyone else has said, you simply can't take on as much as you have been doing. I've been there myself -- still am, a lot of the time -- and while I'm in recovery from my depression right now, I know that dealing with other people's problems before or alongside my own only makes it more difficult for me to get on with my recovery. In fact, it causes me to "backpedal" instead.

Being there for your family is wonderful. Clearly you are a caring, unselfish person, and because of that, you deserve to focus on your own health for a while. You'll be more help to everyone if you can get some of your own stuff in order, right?

[Anony]

Thanks everyone for responding. It means a lot to me to have people take time out of their lives to help me out.
I completely agree with everyone that I can't be of much help to my family if I'm not mentally well myself, but I can never focus on myself without being overwhelmed with worry. I think that's the biggest reason I can't seem to help myself. Even if I take time out for me all I'm thinking of is if my family is okay: whether or not they're hurting themselves or if someone else is hurting them. I'm just a constant worrier.
Anyways, thanks again everyone