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#1
Jun 16, 2009, 11:28 AM
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so we got to CAHMS - the place where i see my counsellor and sort out school and stuff - and i couldnt get out of the car. i just started crying and said i couldnt do it.
im so pathetic. im such a burden. im so weak. and im supposed to be doing my DOE orienteering thing this weekend. 3 days of hiking and two nights of camping... and i cant do it. and im such a ****up. im such a hinderance. why am i even still alive? the people that care care because they have to, i just make their lives even harder. i can no longer trust myself. i know exactly what pills id take, what id do, where id do it, HOW i would do it... and i didnt even intend to. i want to tell somebody. i have to. but i cant, i dont know how, and what would it help? part of me wants to scream it, yell for help, yell for something to just come and stop me and stop me thinking and feeling like this... and the other part just wants to die already. why am i still here? 
__________________
I leave the gas on; Walk the alleys in the dark, Sleep with candles burning; I leave the door unlocked.. + im still breathing.. |
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#2
Jun 16, 2009, 11:34 AM
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(((((bananasarecool)))))
I am so sorry you feel this way, I hope you find someone to talk to and you are not pathetic, you hurt! Keep posting, you matter to us, you matter to me 
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#3
Jun 16, 2009, 11:53 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((((( bananasarecool )))))))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are struggling, I am sending you some hugs.
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
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#4
Jun 16, 2009, 02:27 PM
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 being overwhelmed happens to everyone, don't be so hard on yourself
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#5
Jun 16, 2009, 04:04 PM
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((((((((((bananasarecool))))))))))))
You're not weak; we do not know what it is to be strong until we have to battle ourselves every day that we're depressed. Please take care of yourself, and if you're feeling unsafe, please, please reach out for some help. You matter and you're worth it. 
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#6
Jun 16, 2009, 04:38 PM
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thanks everyone,
thinking and feeling are becoming even more blurred. my life is becoming even more consumed by this illness, and i feel so... urgh. i want to be normal. i want to be better. i want to be happy. i want to want to get up every day. i want to want to live. i hate doing this. i hate having to go on. i hate being such a burden to everyone else. and i cant see the point in anything... its just all so hard. all so messed up. all so painful... i just want to curl up, away from everyone, on my own, not making things difficult or messing everything up and just stay there forever. being alone can be slightly soothing... its easier than being around people... but its harder to distract yourself. harder to not think. this isnt life. this isnt living. this is just... the same every day. everything is so dark. so pointless. i wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy. :\
__________________
I leave the gas on; Walk the alleys in the dark, Sleep with candles burning; I leave the door unlocked.. + im still breathing.. |
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#7
Jun 16, 2009, 06:41 PM
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((((((((((bananasarecool)))))))))))
I've been there, I have an idea of how you feel. You can get out of this and be happy in life.
__________________
"Unipolar is boring! Go Bipolar!"  Amazonmom is not putting up with bad behavior any more. |
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#8
Jun 16, 2009, 07:19 PM
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Quote:
I completely understand. Never on a worst enemy. What a great power it would be to make this never happen to anyone. This may not be living. But you still have a chance to live. A little while back I put in my siggy, "I fight through the pain so that one day I may live again"... I really mean it. I've gotten out of the drak enough to know there IS something to fight for , and there IS a life to live. That's the point. Keep reaching for it, and wishing you the best
__________________
Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#9
Jun 16, 2009, 07:25 PM
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You're me to a T . BANANA.
my thoughts exactly .......... I'll try to help you as soon as I feel better . Whenever that may be  All joking aside . They will get better. Just keep thinking that. 
__________________
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#10
Jun 16, 2009, 08:51 PM
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Someone who thinks like me. I fight everyday to stay here. Not sure if you believe in god but that is all I think of when I think it is time. If there is a heaven I want to go there. Ending it myself doesn't let me in.
 (((bananasarecool))) stay with us you are not alone, we do understand how you feel. Wish I could fix everyone so noone would ever feel like I do ever again.
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Depression is not a weakness ...... it is a sign that you have been strong for too long. 
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