Confused.....

So many things I want to say....but where do I start??

I've posted some of this to my LJ....

Lately things haven't been going as well as they should've been. Chris and I aren't fighting, but I feel that he's trying to push me out, and has been shattering my dreams.

For the past little while I've been looking forward to going back to university, I had been aiming for Fall of 2006. Over the weekend, Chris said that that wasn't going to happen. That shattered me....then he recommended that I go and take my A+ certification so I can work at somewhere like Future Shop installing virus scanners, and video cards, and such. So I'm like, well, I want to be able to sit in a class room and take the courses. He was all fine with it, until I looked at the price of the A+ and MCSE dual course that NorQuest (A local community college here) was offering, I saw the price and my heart dropped, almost $13,000 CDN. I mentioned this to him, and he's like, it would be cheaper if you just challenge the exam. The thing is, that I am not confident enough in my know-how to challenge the exam, and because I'm reading the book on my own, my attention and interest in the content is not what it should be.

Well....we were on the phone and he just drops the subject, and ends the call.....really didn't make me feel better, and I'm not, it feels like that after all the times I've supported him with his ideas, like when he tried starting the business, and then trying to find work when the business didn't do as well as we anticipated, and he doesn't have any support to give me.

Lately it's been harassing me about the fact that I'm still waiting for my disability checks to start coming, and that all he can say is that we need to pay his credit card off, and the phone bills, etc etc etc.....nothing about well, you need such and such....it seems that it's all him.

Then at other times, he is like all glad that I'm home and not working so I can take care of things here, and then he'll say something else, and it'll sound like he's not happy with me being at home....

I'm starting to feel as if I don't belong anymore.....and that I don't matter....the only thing that matters is the money that I can bring into the house, and the more money I bring in, while spending less the better.

I feel like I'm taking more than I'm giving, when he assures me that I'm not.

Sometimes I'm wondering if he's become tired of me being sick and grouchy all the time....

I'm sorry sweetie that you're not getting the support that you want and need. Have you tried to sit down with him when there is nothing else happening and having a calm heart-to-heart talk? Maybe you should tell him how you're feeling, I mean, really open up to him and tell him everything you're telling us. Do you think that would help? How about couples councelling? Maybe you both need to have a discussion of what your goals are individually and as a couple to make sure you're both on the same page. You could also ask him if your being sick all the time is taking it's toll on him. I'm not really sure what else you can do but you're in my thoughts and prayers. I can only imagine how upsetting this is to you and confused and frustrated you are at this point. Please keep talking and let us know what's going on. ((((((((((( HJGS )))))))))))

(((((((((HJGS))))))))))) If you ever need to talk, we are here for you.

Hi HJGS --

Yup, money problems can be a big issue in close relationships. I hope you can work things out.

(((((((((((((((((((((HJGS))))))))))))))))))))