[justfloating]

I'm pretty sure I've always been an introvert. I really enjoy my own company. Today at work, I was the only one working in property management (cleaning, yardwork, etc) so I spent the entire day by myself with the occasional hello to people walking by. It didn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, I find that my day goes by faster if I'm working by myself than if I am teamed up with another person. It's weird, but working with other people, I generally get bored and find that time drags by. I'm just not a people person.

That being said, I've started wondering how much of my longing for "alone time" is the result of my introversion, and how much of it is me isolating myself because of my depression? At school I love having my own room where I can lock myself in and be alone for hours on end, without being disturbed. At home, that rarely happens just because my family is everywhere and don't really understand the concept of personal space. This morning while I was getting ready for work -- and not particularly happy about going to work because I was tired and wanted to sit at home and read -- my brother and sister started bickering. I'm used to this. There are four kids in my family so it's rare when there ISN'T any bickering going on. But this morning all I could think was that I needed to get out, needed to get away to someplace quiet and serene before I completely blew my top, and I rushed out to the car for some peace way earlier than I'd planned, just because being around other people this morning was too overwhelming for me.

My favourite thing at school is to walk to a coffee shop in town and spend at least an hour by myself, reading or writing or doing homework, being around people but not having to interact with them. When I'm at home, I like my half-hour drive to work, because it's all mine -- I can crank up the radio and lose myself in my thoughts. When I'm working by myself -- and I am a lot of the time -- I'm weirdly happy, and the days generally go by a lot faster than when I used to work at a busy store, dealing with other people all day.

I don't mind being an introvert. I enjoy my own company and probably always will. I'm shy, yes, but I have also genuinely not liked people -- their talking, their noise, their interruptions, their small-talk that drives me insane. I'm not a person with a whole load of friends; instead, I have a handful of very, very good friends, and I like it that way. But at what point does my introversion come into contact with my depression? Lately it feels like if I can't be by myself, I can't be calm. I can hardly struggle through a conversation any more, and I find that I become very impatient and snap a lot at other people just for being in the same room as me. Should I be concerned?

[ADHD1956]

Thank you for what you have written! If I could maintain a thought and/or concentrate long enough, those words would have been written by me. With that said, you are not me, nor I you, so, from reading what was written, I would say a near defiant yes to Introvert. Generally speaking, there are many people who enjoy being by themselves, and that is NORMAL, it is OKAY. Apparently you were diagnosed with depression; how long have you been HAVING problems with depression? Do you know what brought it about? Were you generally a LONER as a child?

As far as an Isolationist, very possibly, not! Remember, you are a human being, an individual, so don't let society, consciously or subconsciously, dictate how you SHOULD be. Do you have any other diagnosis? From reading what you wrote, you seem a pretty normal person.

I will end for now. If you wish, you may send me a private message.

Have a Great week!

Peace!

ADHD1956

[bluejohn]

If you think you are an introvert kind of person, u have found company!I too have been labelled loner, introvert, reserved all my life. IT"S NORMAL.
DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY

[keepinghopeful]

I know that I am introverted too. I love my alone time...where I can think, write, and just plain get myself together.

I like being around people to a point, but sometimes it can be exhausting too. I've always worked in jobs where I had to be outgoing and talk to many people all day. I was really good at that, but whenever I got my lunch break I would have to go find a quiet place to just have some peace and quiet.

Now, I'm a SAHM (via adoption) and I've found that as much as I enjoy being a mother, I need my alone time even more than ever.

I think that my depression can make me tend to isolate myself sometimes, and that's when I just have to work through whatever is making my depression worse. Sometimes, I just have to get away from everything and have some time to deal with my emotions and my depression.

So, I think that what you've said is very true for many people. I think that sometimes everyone gets a little worried about being isolated rather than introverted. This was a good post. Thanks for sharing

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( justfloating )))))))))))))))))

[stefano]

Yes you should be concerned. I was like that at your age, and it turned out quite bad. The "leave me alone" solution feels good but doesn't last a lifetime, and when you find your Self being not so pelasant (like anybody else, even your Self grows boring), it will be trouble.

I fooled myself thinking I was deciding to be alone, while there was no decision, I were unable to socialize. Later depression smoked me out, and it was not funny.

My advice is to pick carefully company. Not your familiy for sure! If you have interests (your surely have) look around carefully for other people to share with. Plan carefully, don't get caught in... how to say... oversocializing situations. But get out somewhat. Find a balance, in medio stat virtus.

My advice. Good luck

[Tumnus]

An introvert gets refueled by being alone, though there tends to be a spectrum between extreme introvert and extreme extrovert. As I've gotten older, I've moved to the middle of that spectrum, often needing to re-charge by myself, often needing the company of others to re-charge. It's kind of weird. That being said, there's nothing wrong with you being an extreme introvert, but Stefano has a point. Your depression probably adds to your desire to be alone. It also probably adds a horrible irritability to the mix. It's possible, too, that you have either biological or psychological sensitivities to certain types of sensory input. Don't know. I would say keep those close friends close, give yourself space from your family without completely withdrawing, and challenge yourself on occasion to spend time with acquaintances or new people, maybe chatting for a few minutes with someone in a coffee shop while in line or something.

It's hard to tell where the line is between just being introverted and letting your depression push you into isolation, but it seems like a warning light has turned on in your head. Pay attention to that. Sometimes that's when I send out an email to a friend I haven't seen in awhile, just to make an easy connection.

[ECHOES]

Lately it feels like if I can't be by myself, I can't be calm. I can hardly struggle through a conversation any more, and I find that I become very impatient and snap a lot at other people just for being in the same room as me.

I think it's healthy to enjoy being alone. It's good that you also have close friends to be with when you feel like not being alone.

So, I wonder where the discomfort is coming from, and what it's about. For example, is it this way with everyone or just some people, is it at particular times, what thoughts do you have when the struggle to converse/snapping/not calm feeling/unable to be yourself feelings begin. What do you think it's about?

One thought I have is that you might be judging yourself, comparing you to others who are less introverted and deciding one way is 'better' than another.

What do you think?

[justfloating]

((((((((everyone)))))))))))

Thanks for your responses. They're very thought-provoking.

I read an article a little while ago on introverts and how they're very easily confused with outcasts, but the difference is that while an introvert will go out of their way to be alone, outcasts don't necessarily want to be by themselves. But people who are less sociable by nature are also more difficult to get to know and understand, so they are often seen as different or defective for not joining with the group.

I don't know if anyone sees me that way. Sometimes I think people probably mistake my natural shyness as being stuck up, but I've gotten past being bothered by that, because if I think about it at all, it just makes me more nervous around people. What I do know is that I don't really like loud people. I can laugh and have fun and I can be very energetic, and maybe this is a result of the depression but I am not that way ALL THE TIME. In fact, I find it exhausting, and the people who are huge party people, who are always being loud and boisterous, who never sit still and who can't handle socializing in calmer contexts are the people I tend to avoid.

I don't really consider myself a loner, though I suppose others might, just from observing the amount of time that I spend alone (if they actually notice). My depression made it very hard for me to get out and make friends in university, and as a result I'm not particularly close to anyone there and tend to spend most of my time on my own. I don't think that's healthy and I'm trying to change it, but it's hard because I feel like now I'm way behind the pack in getting to know people there. I don't mind being alone but I still get lonely, and the loneliness is amplified by the depression, which makes me miserable and unable to be around others, which makes me even lonelier... it's a terrible cycle.

I used to judge myself a lot more harshly for being introverted than I do now (or I'm trying not to judge myself so harshly... it's sort of a work in progress). I have a friend who would always get upset with me if I didn't want to go out every weekend, or if I had made plans to do something she saw boring like spend the weekend in my pj's watching old movies. She never really understood that alone time is especially important to me because my favourite thing to do is write, and that's not exactly a social activity. She just can't understand a person who would go to a coffee shop alone, then sit there in total silence and write for an hour or two, but that's a real treat for me. I started judging myself based on her remarks that I was being "such a loner" and I started feeling different and guilty every time I wanted to be alone over hanging out with her or my friends. Now, I'm trying to remind myself that there's nothing wrong with wanting alone time to balance out my socializing. What I guess I need to work on is the actual balancing part.

[turquoisesea]

I just wanted to say... my teacher was having a conversation with me once, after he knew I had depression. He is a bit of a loner too... the way he put it, is people like us don't HAVE to be social. If that's not who we are it's not who we are. But even if we isolate naturally everyone does need a friend or two. I guess it's more about being introvert but still having some sort of people around you, making the social life fit YOU, not fit to it.