[mj14]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jo))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Jo, please tell us what's wrong. Can we help in any way? I have to go to therapy but I'll be back in a couple hours. If you want to talk you can PM me... you know that I'm always here for you if you need a friend. Take care of yourself sweetie... please? Much love.

Ry

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((( jo ))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry you're in pain. i wish you well.

be safe,

kd

[Overcastbutclearing]

((((((mj14))))))
I want to be here for you. You have been there for me.
Lean on my shoulders. I know it hurts. I know sometimes you can only cry. But if you can, PM me and let me know what is going through your mind.
I am here for you.

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((jo))))))))))

Whats wrong? If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. OK?
Take good care of yourself.

[darkeyes]

ditto.
mj, feel free to talk to me, you know how to reach me.

((((((((((((((( mj14 )))))))))))))))))))


DE

[inkblot]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[dayzee9]

(((((((mj14))))))))))))))

I do not know what's going on except that you are obviously feeling really sad and somewhat alone about something. Tears speak for themselves/I can feel THAT pain.....please share, so others may help you through your darkness and pain...? speak to us?

((( Feelin for ya; DAYZEE))))

[wisewoman]

Love ya Cheerleader, hang in there.

[nothemama8]

mj, we see but you need to tell us whats wrong sweetie, take a deep breathe and let it out
Angie

[mj14]

Thank you everyone...I have been very triggered lately. I still need to work up the courage to talk about it....I'm sorry.

Thank you so much for your concern and friendship.

*hugs to y'all*
Jo

[Nerak]

(((((((((MJ)))))))))) talk about it when you are ready.

[mj14]

Ok, I'm going to try now...

I am being haunted by the ghosts of the bad people...I don't like to call them my abusers, because only one of them ever hit me, but they all kept me locked up in caged of guilt, fear and manipulation. And so much lately is bringing the bad people back into my mind.

"I know you did this because..." The bad people always told me they knew my motives, and no matter how much I tried to tell them the truth, they didn't believe me. They couldn't ever acknowledge that my motivation might cast the actions in a different light...everything I did had to be done for a selfish reason.

"you are thinking only of yourself...you are not considering the feelings of others" The bad people loved to call me selfish and self-centered. They never told me what they felt or expected...I was expected to know, and was scolded when I guessed incorrectly. If I tried to consider people other than the bad people, I was accused of selfishness, so I was always afraid for the feelings of others around me.

The bad people hurt me over and over again, and when I tried to protect myself, they accused me of hurting them.

The bad people lied, but said that I was the one who lied. If I tried to tell anyone about the lies, I was accused of being petty and mean.

The bad people told me my instincts were flawed, but when I learned that my instincts were correct after all, the bad people would tell me that I had no right to feel the way I felt anyway.

The bad people were experts at telling me exactly what I said and when, but only pointed out things that looked wrong. I don't have total recall, so the bad people would say that they never said anything bad to me, because I couldn't give them exact words and times.

Anyone who believed me became an enemy of the bad people, so I became afraid to talk to anyone, to ask for help.

The bad people made me afraid to do anything, to say anything. Every step I took was like walking in a mine field, because I never knew what the bad people would decide was wrong.

I can't get the flashbacks of the bad people to stop...I am so afraid. I am afraid even of saying this, because the bad people want to isolate me from my support system.

Why are the bad people back in my head?

[nothemama8]

*We* know what it 's like to have bad ppl in your head, honey remember thats where they are only in your head, have you talked to your t , they can't hurt you anymore they are just memmories, think of all the positive good things you do and say to ppl look at the way you where right and they where wrong you are the better person
Love ya
Angie

[darkeyes]

I agree

(((((((((((((((( mj ))))))))))))))))

[mj14]

Thanks, Angie. You are such a kind and supportive soul.

I am trying very hard to quiet the voices of the bad people, the negative self-talk that is running through my head. Mostly, I just ignore it, because it never goes away...maybe that it why it can take so little sometimes to have those voices screaming in my face again?

I haven't had T for three weeks...I see her tomorrow. But I will definitely talk with her about it.

Thanks again.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Angie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[mj14]

Thanks, Roe...you are such a dear friend to me.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Roe}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,
Jo

((((((((((((((((((((Jo))))))))))))))))))))

Jo, I SOOOOOO understand what you're saying. And like Angie said remember all that you do for us if you ever need something to help you feel good about yourself. Think of how you're reached out to me and how much I love you for it.

Ry

[mj14]

Thank you so much, Ryan. You really are quite an amazing person. It helped me to write it out...sometimes, when I can't confront the source of my pain directly, it does help to sort of shout it into the wind.

You, and all the people here, mean so much to me.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ryan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love ya,
Jo

((((((((((Jo))))))))))

You're very loved here too and you're as amazing as anyone I've ever known.

Ry

[SS8282]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jo)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry. So sorry. Know what you're feeling. Am thinking of you.

[wisewoman]

Hey Jo, I could have written most of that. I am there with you sweetie and i believe you and I know you are not bad. You are good and kind and loving and smart. Be well.

[mj14]

Thank you so much, SS. The kind words and thoughts from you and everyone have really helped me through this.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,
Jo

[mj14]

Thanks, ww. Your support means so much to me. It helps so much to know that I'm not alone.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{wisewoman}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love ya,
Jo

[mj14]

To everyone who encouraged me and helped me get this bad stuff out, thank you so much. You are all such caring and wonderful people, and each one of you is special to me.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ryan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{kimmy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{sj}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{jmo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Roe}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{inky}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{dayzee}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ww}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{angie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{Karen}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{Susan}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I love you all,
Jo