[justfloating]

Is anyone else as easily defeated as I am, or am I really that lazy/pathetic/weak?

Tonight I was invited by a friend to see a movie on Friday. I don't currently know what I'm working on Friday but I'm about 90% sure it'll be 10-5, and the movie is at 7. It takes me an hour to get from where I work into the city for the movie. I told her I'd rather do it some other time and I said that I had absolutely no idea when I was working because I didn't want to come across as saying that I'm not willing to try to get in to see her.

That was exactly what it was. I feel terrible. But it happens with almost every plan I make. If there's going to be the slightest bit of difficulty, if I'm going to have to confront someone like my boss (who is extremely irritating and I doubt has a very good opinion of me, so she's not really inclined to care if I get off work on time, which I almost never do) or drive the hour into the city during rush hour on a Friday, or have yet another stupid argument with my family over which vehicle I should take in, and on top of that Fridays are our busiest days so I'm going to be tired ... I just can't deal with that. It's not that there are any huge complications; it's not that I couldn't deal with any of these things if I had to, and I have in the past. But the thought of doing it ties my stomach in knots.

I'm a bad friend. I can't make time for my friends. I'm weak because I COULD make that time and it wouldn't be that difficult, but the slightest difficulty has me running in the other direction. When I come home from work all I want to do is curl up in front of the tv, not talk to anyone, and deal with the least amount of stress possible. Somehow, going out and enjoying myself has become one of those stressful things I avoid. Ugh.

[marvin_pa]

Originally Posted by justfloating

Is anyone else as easily defeated as I am, or am I really that lazy/pathetic/weak?

I have many moments of defeat like that. On one hand, it's nice to be asked to go out & do stuff - something I really appreciate, but on the other, if it's going to cause too much stress to be enjoyable, are you really gaining/giving anything in the process? There's a bit of a judgment call in there - sometimes it is worth dragging oneself out of the comfort zone, but other times not. Doesn't make you a bad friend when you choose not to.

You could suprise your friend by calling them & suggesting some other time/thing to do that just works a little better with your schedule/expected stress levels. Having that schedule & not wanting to mess with it too much is not necessarily a bad thing - it's a little bit of stability in an otherwise chaotic world. Your friend would understand, if they knew all your reasoning.

[tarabug922]

Rebecca,

I know just how you feel. I have a friend who just wants me to come to her house once a week for a meeting she holds and it's not out of my way or anything but I'll be damned if I can make it. Depression gets us so down that we can't function like we want to. It's hard to remember that it's the depression not us, that were we our regular selves we would be out with friends and making the arrangements necessary to see them. So, don't beat yourself up, just acknowledge that you have a lot going on right now and it is difficult for you to go out on Friday knowing that you wouldn't be able to give your friend 100% of yourself. You would be exhausted from work and the drive I'm sure, the movie itself may make you tired and then the thoughts about family stress, that's enough to make any seemingly fun trip an unpleasant event to be avoided.

I hope I'm making sense, i'm not feeling that great myself. I just wanted to let you know i relate and it's okay not to go.

love and hugs,
tara

[darkpurplesecrets]

(((((justfloating)))))

First I hear you and understand what you are saying. It does not make you a bad or terrible person. Working all day and then trying to schedule something can be difficult, especially if you feel stressed and tired to begin with. I know for me, even not working you can feel stress and exhaustion just from how you feel.

I used to not go out because I felt that way. I have been making myself do things and usually when I get to where I am going----I usually can feel some relief and start to enjoy myself. But at other times, it is just impossible to do. It is not a bad thing.

You have to take care of you and do what you feel is possible at that time. If you need to just rest and take care of yourself then that is okay. That is self care and we all need to sometimes do more of that.

I can hear what you are saying and I am listening. Please don't be hard on yourself. Do what you feel you can do and know that you are making the best decision for yourself. I know the stress that work and family can make on you.

I am glad that you posted and talked about how you are feeling. That is important as you are taking care of yourself. Please know that we care and are here for you. Be proud of yourself for taking care of you.

dps

[turquoisesea]

I understand what you're saying. I've been in similar situations - sometimes you're just not up to dealing with people. That's ok.
And boy can I understand about your boss - mine couldn't care less if I have plans... if I say I'm not available he might schedule me anyways and refuse to help me switch out with someone else. And an hour before a shift he might call me and tell me not to come in. Or the day I'm off might call and say "we need you". Bosses can be annoying and it's brutal because there's not much you can do - you want to keep your job you know?

erm anyways. but about the friend. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to explain that you'd be really tired on a friday, that maybe they could come and drive you to their house (if the house is closer?) or someplace that would EASY for you, in a situation that was comfortable. That way you don't have to be letting down the friend and it makes it easier for you. It's not wrong at all to say "I'm sorry, I really will be too tired to come meet you, it's nothing personal, it's just that physically I don't think I can do it".

sorry about the ramble I'm a bit out of it.