[christopherm317]

Another update. So the showing was tonight I put on my sad face and drove 60 miles to see my sis and help her to cope with her husbands suicide. I get there and she is complaining about the way they did his hair. Um OK so she is displacing sadness. I go outside with her for some alone time and a cig. I could not ask where it happened. His suicide. I feel bad even wondering to be honest. So some supposed friend comes up and is like how did he really do it and where did he do it. Don't you think that is rude. At his funeral showing someone ask such a question. I think I'm taking his death harder then her. I read people really well but tonight was a big blank. She seemed as if she was putting on a show. People ask how are you doing and its like text book acting. Oh you know trying to make it. What is that, ask me how I feel from my husband killing himself and I'll rip your hair out. I don't know. I have been there for her. I call every day and say just checking on you. I want you to know we care. I listen to her talk to her friends and blow me off. She really acted like she wanted me there tonight. Sometimes I think she does see me as a sister. But on the phone asking about her health she seems distant. I don't know what to think about her. Tomorrow is the funeral that's going to be another journey. So for all those people who have suicidal thoughts man look at the whole picture. How people will miss you. How its hard living life without a loved one. Don't make the same mistake my brother in law has done.