it's getting worse

justfloating · Jul 23, 2009, 10:55 PM

I'm so miserable it's making me feel physically sick. Every so often, I feel like I've been punched in the gut -- all the air whooshes out of me, and I need to stop what I'm doing in order to catch my breath. I've been swallowing over a lump in my throat all day. I want to cry -- I think that the release would feel good -- but I can't, and that's making me even more miserable. I feel like there's this pressure inside me, building and building, pushing outwards from my chest, scattering my thoughts and making it hard to so much as walk to my room. I laid down on the couch after work today because I simply couldn't keep myself standing anymore. I feel like I'm suffocating, like no matter how many breaths I take, there's just not enough oxygen in the air. All I want to do is curl myself around my misery and sleep, sleep and sleep and sleep, free of thought and feeling and this horrible inability to function.

It's getting so hard again. I don't know what's happened. It's like someone's flipped a switch and all the colour has melted out of my world. My body's gotten so heavy, I can't sleep through the night without waking up several times and when I get up in the morning I'm so exhausted I can barely haul myself out of bed. I'm distracted and it's getting harder and harder to fake that I'm all right for the sake of the people in my life who don't know how depressed I am. I'm not sure how to tell the people who do know about my depression that's it's back with a vengeance. I was doing so well, I don't understand what happened. All of a sudden, I feel like I don't belong to myself anymore, like my life has been ripped away from me by some terrible outside force, and I don't know if I have it in me this time to take it back.

idontknow13 · Jul 23, 2009, 10:59 PM

(((((justfloating)))))
I am sure you have it in you to take it back, dont let it get the best of you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and do let people who care for you know how you are feeling, they might not understand but they will be there for you

depressedalaskan · Jul 24, 2009, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justfloating

I'm so miserable it's making me feel physically sick. Every so often, I feel like I've been punched in the gut -- all the air whooshes out of me, and I need to stop what I'm doing in order to catch my breath. I've been swallowing over a lump in my throat all day. I want to cry -- I think that the release would feel good -- but I can't, and that's making me even more miserable. I feel like there's this pressure inside me, building and building, pushing outwards from my chest, scattering my thoughts and making it hard to so much as walk to my room. I laid down on the couch after work today because I simply couldn't keep myself standing anymore. I feel like I'm suffocating, like no matter how many breaths I take, there's just not enough oxygen in the air. All I want to do is curl myself around my misery and sleep, sleep and sleep and sleep, free of thought and feeling and this horrible inability to function.

It's getting so hard again. I don't know what's happened. It's like someone's flipped a switch and all the colour has melted out of my world. My body's gotten so heavy, I can't sleep through the night without waking up several times and when I get up in the morning I'm so exhausted I can barely haul myself out of bed. I'm distracted and it's getting harder and harder to fake that I'm all right for the sake of the people in my life who don't know how depressed I am. I'm not sure how to tell the people who do know about my depression that's it's back with a vengeance. I was doing so well, I don't understand what happened. All of a sudden, I feel like I don't belong to myself anymore, like my life has been ripped away from me by some terrible outside force, and I don't know if I have it in me this time to take it back.

So sorry you are having such a hard time. Hang in there ((((justfloating)))) you can do this. You can and you will beat your depressed feelings as you have in the past. Depression can be mean like a monster taking over our minds. Just being able to see when depression hits us is a big step forward. If you don't feel better soon try and see your doctor as soon as you can, they will be able to help you. Don't let depression do this to you. Be strong YOU CAN BEAT THESE FEELINGS. I know that these feelings will come and go because of our illness but we have to learn as we go along so that we can keep in touch with our true selves. Good luck... Get well soon.... Hugs for your day.

justfloating · Jul 24, 2009, 04:05 AM

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts!!!!

I feel like I'm under attack.

Sabrina · Jul 24, 2009, 06:20 AM

Sending you soothing and comforting hugs. Hope this eases up for you. I understand. ((((justfloating))))

turquoisesea · Jul 24, 2009, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justfloating

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts!!!!

I feel like I'm under attack.

*will battle it with you*

there's some good news though. You've fought this battle before. You have won before. I think you can do it again. And this time you have even more things in place to help - you have the doctors, you have knowledge you didn't have before.

Last time you said the meds were being changed... maybe go to your Pdoc asap and figure things out

((((((((justfloating)))))))))