[nowheretorun]

i was a fairly happy kid i think when mom and dad divorced (1st wound) i went to live with dad, then mom, then mom had the DUI wreck (2nd wound)

i went to live with dad and had trouble getting along with step mom, she always tried to hold me under her thumb and i resisted, a problem that still continues (3rd wound)

i moved back to moms, she let me run a little freer and i mixed with a group of friends my sister had, dropped oout of school, got into drugs and drinking and lost my sense of self then, became suicidal...

i looked for goodness and didnt see it, coudnt see it, too young, i didnt know where to look and i wandered in and out of drunken foolishness and shame for a long time, got married, lost my son (4th wound)

i hurt a long time after and i was really really confused as i changed jobs and searched for some sense of my old self, the innocent me, before it all began and i knew i was still the same person, same body, but i wasnt me...

i looked a long time for myself and with time i started feeling myself come back together, little pieces at first, but it was an uphill climb all the way..

i joined PC after the iraq war started and i needed someone with a sense of kindness to talk to (i hate war) ..

PC gave me hope, the kindness i found here saved me, i love you all

[ExiExi]

((((((((nowheretorun))))))))

[pegasus]

Love you too buddy!

(((((((((((( nowheretorun ))))))))))))))

[Puffyprue]

((((((((((((((((nowheretorun))))))))))))

[kebsfroggy]

((((( nowheretorun )))))

Thank you for taking the time to write. Sometimes it takes a great deal of effort to "write it all down".

To reveal your hurt and pain took courage. It is not easy writing about those things that cause such pain.

I'm glad to know you have found hope and kindness here. Know that it was a 2 way street for those things received were also given. Thank you

Be good to yourself


kebs

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((nowheretorun))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Thanks for sharing.

BB

(nowheretorun) Im glad pc brought you kindness, hope and it saved you
may peace always be with you

[depressedalaskan]

((((( nowheretorun ))))) Sorry your life has had so many ups and downs. I too

Thank you!!!! PC members..

[turquoisesea]

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{nowhere}}}}}}}}}



Mary Alice

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((((nowhere)))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( nowheretorun )))))))))))))))))

love,
furry paws

[nowheretorun]

on saturday i was feeling alone and wanted to go out to play some pool with some friends so i went to my home chapter of the American Legion, hadnt been there since the 4th of July... its not like i have real, real friends there but i know some peoples names and ive played pool with them before...

i got there at 1230 in the afternoon and at first only had a few beers but after awhile i decided it was more cost effective to order pitchers... some guys i knew came over and sat down with me and started telling me some stories aboout there rough lives.. i listened because i have this principal of loving and caring for everyone, believing that we all have some seed of goodness within and i thought if i really tried i would be able to find that connecting point between people where we each feel a little hurt and find some way to bandaid it together... that feeling always makes me feel like the world is getting better, even if it only a little at a time and even if we all go backwards sometimes...

it wasnt long into the conversation and i knew i was in over my head.. the talk was a bout some domestic violence that happened in the past to the guy and i did my best to validate his feelings and show him the good ways he had managed the situation, but inside i was feeling like..... run! another guy was telling me how he had been questioned by the police for taking clothes from the clothing donation box... he thought he was in the right being a person of need himself... it was really hard not telling him what i really thought about it... a few more beers and i settled down and i told myself this is kind of life like usual for them and i figured if i just befriended them, then in time i would gradually drop in some healthier ideas for them to think about and before long we'd all be on the right track together...

the beers kept coming and the talk got rougher, some bad jokes and i was needing another beer just to tolerate everything that was being said...

eventually i got up and tried to get away from them by playing myself some pool but they followed and so, a few more beers and putting on the jukeox, i began tuning them out a little more but no matter how i tried, everywhere i turned, they were still there...

its about the 400th time ive been in this situation, trying to reach out and connect with others, trying to be healthier than i am, stronger than i am, trying to pull myself and a group of lost souls together in some kind of human way, even tho we all have problems from our pasts tripping us along our way, experimenting with my love all hypothesis and not wanting to accept that it wouldnt somehow succeed in the end..

well, for about the 400th time i concluded that something just wasnt working...

for about the 400th time i felt the pain of the beer hangover, the empty place in my heart afterwards of knowing that somehow, love all wasnt working for me, maybe it was for them, but not me...

i just cant be around that kind of humor, the insulting, cutting others down kind, hey, i just went there to enjoy a few games of pool....

i was talking with my gf ( i love you muffy, ty for being there) and explained it all to her again, how i had developed a serious case of dissociation sometime in life and love all was my cure and thats why i fear to go nowhere, faith that God will protect, and since im still breathing, i think God has done his part, but many times i feel like the plan has flaws, i feel like people just dont understand and i feel disconnected, left out again, and still missing real human connection...

in rebuilding myself i began at the beginning, removing from fault and blame all others around me, forgiving and starting fresh again, with a kind of dumb innocence that if i just took the chances, God would guide the way, and he has...

ive come to the conclusion that some people just cant be reached, arent ready to be reached and that sharing alcohol and discussing the real problems of the world or myself or ourselves is the slow method to healing, sometimes causing as many problems as it resolves and that if i really really want to truly connect with others, there is a better way...

i pray for each of us daily and hope this makes some kind of sense

[kebsfroggy]

This frog of little brain would have been face down on the floor even before the first pitcher was gone.

ive come to the conclusion that some people just cant be reached, arent ready to be reached and that sharing alcohol and discussing the real problems of the world or myself or ourselves is the slow method to healing, sometimes causing as many problems as it resolves and that if i really really want to truly connect with others, there is a better way...

you have learned two more lessons of life....
1. Even with the best intentions of helping others, you can not help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
2. When we plan, God laughs. (there is actually more to this but this frog of little brain cannot remember it, guess it was that pitcher of beer )

You are a good person ((( nowhere ))) and do much to help make this world a beautiful place.

kebs

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((((darrel))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that your experience turned out the way it did... I do commend you though on putting yourself out there and trying to do the right thing. That takes a lot of courage, and I hope that showed you how strong you are, and what you are capable of. I'm sure that even though you didn't necessarily agree with everything those guys were saying, they appreciated having someone to talk to and care. Sometimes doing the right thing isn't always easy... but you know what is? Telling you this: you are an amazing person and one day, one day you will be able to see this, embrace this, and find the happiness that you're seeking, and that you so deserve.

Many huggy people being sent your way my friend...

[leahcim]

I came from another site and find PC to be quite an incredible place to be, so I hope to find strength and be able to help others if possible as well. I see you have been here a long time and aside from a few details, my childhood was similar (with different types of wounds, by wounds none-the-less).

I, too am anti-war, but I respect the soldiers.

Nice to meet you and see that you have been here so long and are so happy with the site. It's a good confidence boost for us newbies.

Take care...

Mike

[Berries]

(((((((((((nowheretorun)))))))))))

Thanks for sharing that. It gives me a sense of hope. Thank you.

[turquoisesea]

It hurts when people's views of life don't line up with your own, when they might even hurt you. It's great that you want to spread caring and everything else you offer to others. But in situations like these I think you have to be ok with not getting involved, not getting results you want. It might take finding someone whose views may line up better.

I'm having trouble with that... being different is hard, because its harder finding friends you can get close to.

That's just my thoughts...
regardless though, loads of hugs and sorry this happened

(((((((nowheretorun)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

My dear kind person. as kebs said you can not change ppl if they are not ready. Your love shines threw every day. They are just not ready for it yet. Not your fault., Be kind to you . Its so hard to feel disconnected which I hope you know you are not. You my dear are connected to me.
Sitting and listening to that kind of humor is so so hard. That is not something i know you like,......take it easy on you ...
as you know I love you..............

[nowheretorun]

(((Kebs))))) the frog of BIG brain also has a very BIG heart, ty

(((Jacq)))))) it is good we could find a place to put what we feel, it is better to find we are not alone... ty always my good friend

it is a pleasure to meet you as well ((leah))) you said you also hate war and you respect the soldiers.. thank you for that, it is always better to hate the thing but love the person.. i hope PC will bring you many feelings of connection and kindness

(((Berries)))) it is a long and winding road and only the faithful will reach its other side.. i think we are to enjoy this jurney and still at times, there is this pain.. but for others like you and the many good people at PC it would be a lonely lonely walk... best to you always my friend

(((Sea))) you are very right in your assessment... some we just dont align with ... it is just taking a very long time for me to understand that

(((Muffy)))) you have been my hope and my light in many many times.. in you i know you understand the true meaning of the word 'Love' and in the many many ways you have shown it to me... i have been blessed to have you beside me on this journey forward, into the sun, where the grass will always be green and there will always be daisies and hope... no person ever has been more understanding than you have my dear and you are never alone either, as we are connected, now and always will be, in love, healing, and goodness