I finally did it right

I didn't find out until after my Mom passed that I had finally gotten something right.

At 83 years old my Mom had lead a very active and adventuresome life. The end came quickly and she died peacefully in her sleep.

I did visit her before she died. I had made a promise to spend a month with her. She knew I was coming but as a surprise I brought my oldest son with me.

As we parked in the drive, Granny comes bouncing out of the house pointing her finger "you can't park here". I got out of the car and she said "Oh, it's you." When my son got out the driver's side she yells "OMG, Grandpa its SC."

(My oldest son had spent almost every summer with his granny and grandpa growing up. So we chatted about old memories, and funny stories during his visit.)

My oldest son and I flew to AZ for her memorial service.

My dad just wanted to get her remains in a box (she was cremated) and be done with it. My sister convinced him to have a short service.

As we all gathered at the car to attend the service my son comes out in his full dress uniform (gold stripes, metals, ribbons and spit polished shoes). He looked at me and quietly said "Granny would have wanted it this way."

It's about 3 weeks since her memorial. In the mail I received a card from the hospice group who cared for my Mom.

In side was a short hand written note --

" We will always remember the sparkle in your mother's eyes when she talked about the surprise visit from her grandson. "

Looks like I finally did something right.
It's a shame she had to die for me to find out.

I was never the smart one, the pretty one, friendly one, talented one, the achiever in my mother's eyes. She could never understand my depression. She couldn't see it therefore it was not there. I won't go so far as to say I wasn't loved. I guess it is more that I never could meet her expatiations.

As for my dad he hardly ever shows any emotion so you never know. But he had saved for over 60 years the first gift he ever gave to my mother. It is a little crate with a peanut inside. On the crate it says "From one nut to another."

Sorry this is so long. I just needed to explain to a friend - "why the tears"

kebs

Kebs, that is such a lovely post. My mother is about the same age as your parents, and I think that generation just had a lot of trouble expressing emotions. And of course, all forms of mental illness were stigmatized.

I really do think they love/loved us more than they could express and were simply bewildered. I'm not saying that makes it easier for us who felt that emotional abandonment. I am so glad that you have had confirmation of your value to your mother, however belatedly it came. Your story made my eyes tear up a bit.

I am sorry I didn't know your Mother had died.

Love and hugs to you ((((((((((((((( kebsfroggy )))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((( kebsfroggy )))))))))))))))

(((KEBS)))

Froggy of wise brain and big

(((((kebbsfroggy)))))

What a nice post, it is nice to know you did something right and having parents like yours, I am sure you did a lot more right things for them than you know

kebs

Oh Kebs... [there's no adequate smiley here, so I'll just tell you now I have tears in my eyes too]

If it means anything... I think you did a lot of things right, not just this one. You just didn't notice your mom noticed

I would fill this page with hugs if I could


m

Sorry what I said has already been said, I replied before reading the other answers...

Don't apologize, what you said was fine

m
I hope you now understand why the tears. Every time I tried to give an answer I would start with the tears. Now you understand.

kebs

Yes, I understand
Thanks for explaining


m

(((((((kebs))))))

As was said earlier, you have always done a lot of right things. I know it sucks being the odd one off to the side suffering from depression, but I'm glad you have that note as a reminder of something you can be sure of having done well. Keep that note! Keep the email from me, too. I might not be family, but I'd like to think my words can matter, even a tiny bit, to you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that someone took the time to let you know that you made such a difference to your mother.

I agree that generation seemed to think affection equaled weakness in some way. My grandfather married my grandmother and had a son when he was 65. My uncle is three years older than I am and we were more like brother and sister. When he passed, his older siblings from his father's first marriage talked about how this son was the joy of his life. I remember thinking "wow, being the unpopular one must have really stunk." I cannot remember him showing any form of affection/kindness/pleasantness to anyone, particularly my uncle. They were under the impression he was a "normal" father to this child by the way he discussed him with his other children.

I think this goes to show you that you warmed her heart just by being you and although she had no idea how to express it to you, she let someone else know.

((((Kebs))))))) my internet connection prevents me from being with you as much as i would like to... know that my prayers are with you always, that your spirit of searching and sharing contains many seeds of goodness, that your words and lessons are lessons for all, that you my dear friend matter and make a difference... love always..

(((((((((((((((( kebs )))))))))))))))))

I welcome you and thank you for feeling safe to share.

I'm sorry you grew up being thought of as 'not good enough'
I do hope you know now that you ARE - your son is a perfect example of ANOTHER THING DID RIGHT..... and that's a lot

Hugs to you................