[Sad In TX]

I have many things I should be thankful for. I mean, things could be a lot worse.

But sometimes I have these overwhelming feelings of despair that I cannot seem to shake.

I am so afraid of things that I mask with a sense of humor. I am a little overweight, I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror sometimes, and today for some reason I feel like I don't deserve anything.

My entire life has been based on justifications for myself without giving myself a real chance at being successful in anything - including an education and marriage. I've completed some hours in school, but never finished, and my ten year marriage feel apart for good last year.

I guess some might think I am feeling sorry for myself, but in my sad mind my feelings of self-worth (or lack thereof) are completely justified due to my background (grew up in a broken family, fights with mother and step-mother who seemed to despise me, was sexually assaulted in 1994, and now the recent stuff).

Like I said, things could be worse. But there are times like tonight that I get this overwhelming feeling of worthlessness and sadness, and the feeling that I don't deserve true happiness without working my *** off for it, but at the same time I feel that I'm not being fair to myself. I get upset with those who blow me off or trivialize my feelings, but then I do the same thing to myself by making jokes about what is really bothering me.

I am in therapy and am working on the self-esteem bit, but I guess I need to delve deeper into my soul about where all of this comes from.

So anyway - what do you do when you are feeling blue? And it's 1am?

[depressedalaskan]

(((((((Sad In TX))))))) sorry you are feeling so down. I don't have the answer for you as I spend most of my days in the dark you are not alone. If I could shine some light into your dark times I would. I hope you get to feeling better soon. Hugs for your day.

[lonelyperson92]

Sad In TX,

Your life has been a great struggle and I admire how strong you have been to pass all those hard times. I've never been any situation that you have mentioned in your thread and I must say again, I sincerely admire you.

To answer your question, I use to take a walk in my darkest time. When I feel so much pressure and stress, the best is just to take a walk in the park or read at the library. It makes me feel calm and peaceful, letting the nature and books occupied my mind. After that, I use to make my favorite meal as a comfort food. (chocolate chocolate) Those are the methods to prevent all negative thoughts domination, and I hope you could do the same.

Be strong Sad In TX,

lonelyperson92

[Sabrina]

Sorry you are feeling so down. I just wanted to say that as a person who also suffers from low self esteem, I understand.

You know, I don't really know how I get through the dark times. Somehow I weather the storm and it ends up being ok. I do take it minute by minute. Just small baby steps to get through it all.

Hope this dark time passes for you.

[idontknow13]

Sad in Tx
I hope your dark times get brighter soon