[Naturefreak]

I have to find a way out of this depression because it's killing me
to think I might have to live the rest of my days feeling this way .
Taking my own life is NOT an option , for religious reasons and because its permanent . I WANT to live , but NOT like this .
So I have to CHANGE something ,and CHANGE can be scary
to me anyway. There is NO easy way out. I will have to work hard
at it if I want to succeed . I honestly don't have that energy
So I ask again , as I ask myself each and every day .
Which way out ? and again my answer is I don't know .
So is it because I don't know what I really want ?
How do I achieve a goal , when I don't know what that goal is.
I have the key , I just don't know what door to use it on.
All your help and advice is appreciated , but it's not worth
anything if I don't act on that advice . Enough said
Which way out ?

I'm sorry! Do you have a T you can talk to? I forgot. Also, are you on medication? That's another thought if you aren't yet & would like to try. I'm sorry; that's all I can think of now! Just don't give up!

[depressedalaskan]

Originally Posted by Babysteps09

I have to find a way out of this depression because it's killing me
to think I might have to live the rest of my days feeling this way .
Taking my own life is NOT an option , for religious reasons and because its permanent . I WANT to live , but NOT like this .
So I have to CHANGE something ,and CHANGE can be scary
to me anyway. There is NO easy way out. I will have to work hard
at it if I want to succeed . I honestly don't have that energy
So I ask again , as I ask myself each and every day .
Which way out ? and again my answer is I don't know .
So is it because I don't know what I really want ?
How do I achieve a goal , when I don't know what that goal is.
I have the key , I just don't know what door to use it on.
All your help and advice is appreciated , but it's not worth
anything if I don't act on that advice . Enough said
Which way out ?

Good post, good questions. Sorry I don't know. Hugs to you.

[Rohag]

Babysteps, that's an amazingly honest and insightful post. You're posing questions I've asked myself in the past, but my depression has eroded my sensibilities to continue to ask them.

These are a few initial questions in reply to your questions (I always reserve the right to answer a question with a question, particularly when I have no answers):

Your final question, "Which way out?" may possibly be the most important. I have the impression you are already working hard to get out of deprssion-land. Which paths have you already taken? How long did you stay on each path? Which paths haven't you taken? Can you identify those untrod paths? Is there someone to whom you can turn to help you take stock of all the paths you've taken and identify those you haven't?

What triggered your depression in the first place? Is it primarily intrinsic or extrinsic, or is it a combination? Can you trace a history of your depression? Has the character of your depression remained constant over time or has it changed? If the character of your depression has changed, has your approach to treatment adjusted to that changed character? Also, if there has been a change in the character of the depression, is it a change for the better or worse? Does the change, if any, indicate progress even if the pain is as great as ever?

I'm not going to ask you about goals because you don't seem to have the ... serenity (?) to usefully consider goals; thinking about goals right this minute might be counterproductive, they could even serve to trigger deeper depression. (By the way, my mind tends to shut down at the thought of "goals", possibly as a defense against anxiety.)

Sorry to dump all these questions on you, Babysteps. I think I may have jumped the rails and started questioning myself somewhere in there. Of course, all this is thought-fodder, not an assignment.

You are a dear fellow sojourner, and I wish you at least as much success as to make up for my failure.

[thunderbear]

(((((((Babysteps)))))

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by Rohag

What triggered your depression in the first place?

A chemical imbalance ?

[marvin_pa]

Recognition of the need to make a change has been for me, one of the of initial steps out & away from the depths of each bout of depression. To have had that thought, you have to at least partially climbed out of the fog - which is a plus in itself. What exactly that step needed to be has not always been obvious, but for me, it's usually been something small & often, it was just taking the step itself that mattered most, whatever form that step happened to take - just achieving one little act of defiance against the feelings can let you take back some control over the negative thought processes that help keep you down. Then, hopefully, one step leads to another & then on to loftier goals.

Wishing you strength & positive thoughts

[notz]

Babysteps (aka Moonie Man),

Between you and Rohag, there are some really good questions. I have had and still do have some of them for myself. One of the things I say after many years of therapy is, I still have questions, only not as many as I used to have. I have more acceptance of the questions that I still have. But, there are those days...when nothing helps. Nothing.

There are 2 primary reasons I didn't die 16 years ago. One was I stopped drinking and the other was I got a therapist.

I don't know if any of that helps, but I hope you know I care.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Babysteps09))))

One step at a time and the willingness to take the steps and do the continued work we have to do. Everyday we take another step by being the survivors we are is a step in defeating that depression. By getting up and doing what we have to do each day marks one up for us.

Coming here and posting and recognizing as you did that you have to be willing to take the advice and put it to use is an important step. Knowing that the willingness to change and to do what it is going to take to get to the other side is half the battle. You my friend are already on your way.

Somedays it is easier to put one foot in front of the other and take babysteps as not to try to do it all at once. Not putting expectations on yourself (something I am having to really work on right now), and realizing that it takes time to work through and heal from what keeps knocking us back down----but also knowing that when we take time to feel and work through it--we also have to let it go in time.

Every time you come here and you reach out you are taking another step in defeating depression. Depression does not want us to let go or to reach out. It wants us to stay alone with it all so it can suffocate us in its grips. But taking a risk and letting out what you feel puts that depression back in its place.

I think we will all always have questions but it is in the willingness to ask that we find answers. Sometimes from something someone else says----or just in the asking the question itself--something inside will just know. When the time is right, we will know what it is we need to know.

The brain is an amazing thing and it holds so much that it gives to us as we are ready to handle it. I think you are doing an amazing job. And we are right here listening and supporting you as you walk along. You are never alone. Keep asking the questions for there is an answer. And I have faith in you that you will find it.

Know that I am right here for you and sending you many hugs and lots of support and love. You are doing what you need to be doing.

Which way out????? Forward and babysteps each day. When you feel you are taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back---keep going. Because you are moving. You have already taken the biggest step----knowing you needed to move. We are right here beside you, sitting quietly and reaching out our hand for you to grab onto.........................................
...........................................................................................we will not let you fall.

dps

[keepinghopeful]

((((((((((babysteps09))))))))))

Everyone has said so many helpful things. Darkpurplesecrets post was especially insightful. The mention of taking one step at a time made me think of the Jordin Sparks song "One Step At A Time"...it's a good song.

It sounds like you're heading in the right direction, trying to find a way to move forward and having the desire to set goals. It can be so hard to fight your way out of depression, and to change your life...but by taking small steps, babysteps , you can get there.

Many times I have felt like a car stuck in the mud, spinning my wheels, not getting anywhere...and it can be so frustrating. It's like you are trying so hard to move forward, but it seems that it's all in vain. Try to remember that it's not in vain though, and that if you keep trying your hardest (and trusting in the Lord)...you will get out of the pit of depression, and start moving forward toward the life that you want.

I'm very tired, so I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. I hope that you'll find some peace, comfort and inspiration to help you to feel better and move forward. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( babysteps ))))))))))))))))))

[Sabrina]

I don't have any advice. I don't know how I clawed my way out of my depression. It just slowly started happening when I realized I was losing my husband. The light at the end of the tunnel took many months after that but one day there it was. There really is hope, please don't give up on that hope.

I am sorry you are struggling so much right now.

[Naturefreak]

Thanks so much everyone for the encouragement and helpful advice. I hope I and many others can put it to good use .
And for the Hugs of course . I always welcome them .