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#1
Aug 17, 2009, 03:01 AM
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I always do and I can't seem to help it. Now I have upset one of the only people who has been there for me. I do this all the time! I'm left alone as always and fear it may be for the best!
I always upset people no matter what I do and I ruin absolutely everything. I didn't think that I was depressed but for some reason I can't help but feel this sort of pain... I haven't been upset in YEARS but the feeling has come back. Maybe it's because the rest of my problems have come back as well or maybe it's because I have realized no matter how hard I try I will ruin everything and be alone forever! I feel terrible for upsetting this person that I'm afraid I have lost. I know I have and I know things wont get any better. I have to find a way to stop hoping someone will accept me and I can stop upsetting people, but I don't know if that will ever happen. My pain has been gone for 5 years. I have felt nothing but love and anger basically, no happiness really and no sadness, I missed the pain when I couldn't feel it because it made me feel human, but NOW I miss the days with no pain because I can't bear the reality at this moment. I am losing my mind in nearly every sense and have absolutely no one to be there for me. This will always be my problem. No friends, no family and no therapist that can put up with me. One day even my daughter will leave me. I don't know what I'm going to do. Every inch of me is telling me to stay away from everyone, I have lost so many people from death and so many more from just being myself and I can't take loss any more! I'm sorry for posting this when no one probably cares, and I'm sure I have over stayed my welcome, I hoped and prayed that I would find some sense of comfort on this site and I have. But good things never last and I just don't know what to do. Everyone says, on this site, "We're here if you need anyone" but I know that wont last because give me 5 minutes with you and you will hate me like everyone does. Even the other person in side my head is afraid to come out, I've scared her away and I've never even met her before. I ruin everything and I just don't know how to stop. I need to cut off communication with people completely but I also need someone I can talk to, I have more than anyone on this site knows going on with me right now but I don't try to talk about it much because I don't want to bother people with my problems. So what do I do? I have no where to go but I badly need somewhere to go. I'm left alone and will always be alone. There is no hope for me, I will end up just floating through life without one person who can deal with me, without one person who will love me for who I really am. I'm a failure and that will never change! |
 ADHD1956
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#2
Aug 17, 2009, 04:02 AM
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(((((kris9999))))) Sorry you are so down right now. Not sure if this is possible but I would try to apologize to the person you upset. If this person knows you and cares for you they should be OK. Also if they don't know of your illness you might what to share that with them, it might help them understand. Sharing your illness would have to be a choice if you think they will understand, I have shared my illness with friends and it seemed to backfire accept for a few true friends. Good luck. hugs for your day. 
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| kris9999
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#3
Aug 17, 2009, 04:22 AM
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(((kris9999))) I am sorry that you are feeling such pain right now.
__________________
 Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long. |
| kris9999
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#4
Aug 17, 2009, 06:21 AM
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(((((((((((((((kris9999 ))))))))))))))))))
Hun we aren't tired of you, post as much as you like we are here to listen. Like someone else said you may try apologizing to the person you upset. Can you get into a local support group? That may help you meet new people that can understand what you are going through.
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
| kris9999
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#5
Aug 17, 2009, 06:22 AM
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__________________
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| kris9999
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#6
Aug 17, 2009, 06:55 AM
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 (((kris9999))) 
__________________
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| kris9999
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#7
Aug 17, 2009, 09:10 AM
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Here your battle is with your own feelings, not with us. If you can somehow overcome your certainty you will drive us away, you'll be able to dump on us and perhaps gain some confidence not everyone in the world will reject you. Oh yes, that's much easier said than done. Your perceptions are real to you, they're powerful and greatly influence your behavior. It may be a real struggle to post, but I join all the others here in inviting you to do so.
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| kris9999, Lost71, Naturefreak, thunderbear
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#8
Aug 17, 2009, 11:33 AM
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(((((kris)))))
We you!!!
__________________
It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.
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| kris9999
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#9
Aug 17, 2009, 12:22 PM
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(((((((Kris)))))))
Keep posting. Keep talking to us.
__________________
I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF [center][b][color=#92d050][font=Verdana] |
| kris9999
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#10
Aug 17, 2009, 01:42 PM
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__________________
• A bearer of a shattered soul and a mind all ripped and torn • I will rather learn to enjoy misery than partake a life of hypocrisy |
| kris9999
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#11
Aug 18, 2009, 12:16 AM
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Thank you for all of your support everyone but I am afraid I may have actually lost the person I was speaking about above. This person said I didn't but I just don't believe it and I'm not sure what to do. I can't cling to them and hope they stay because than I will look desperate. I don't want to lose their friendship though. I don't know what to do.
I'm still alone though and I just don't know what to do anymore... I really am thankful for all of your support though! Take care everyone |
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#12
Aug 18, 2009, 12:15 PM
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Kris, thank you for the update. This story seems unresolved. You, your confusion, distress, and emotions are always welcome here. I wish you happiness - in whatever form it comes - at the end of the saga.
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| kris9999
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#13
Aug 18, 2009, 03:06 PM
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I often feel the same way. It is hard to do but share with people we will listen. Remember dance like you don't need the money 
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| kris9999
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#14
Aug 18, 2009, 04:28 PM
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((((Kriss999)))))
You are cared for here, keep posting and I am sure you are not a failure, you are just hurting and that we can all understand
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| kris9999
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#15
Aug 18, 2009, 05:42 PM
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(((((Kris)))))
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| kris9999
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Depression is not a weakness ...... it is a sign that you have been strong for too long. 
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