Don't know what to do anymore....

I've been dealing with this episode of depression for sooooooo looonnng and i'm so sick of it.

I've been seeing my counselor for over a year now, been taking my meds (and starting tomorrow, i'm weaning off what i've been taking so i can start a different med soon), attended some outpatient program for 3 months and nothing seems to help.

I thought getting a new job would help. It hasn't. I'm so tired of having to force myself to do every single thing. I'm too worn out to even force myself to go out with my friends. I tried going out last night but just didn't feel like hanging out and left after a bit. Even going out alone isn't fun anymore.

My mom's been sick most of this year and I'm living with her. She hasn't been able to drive since Feb. and probably won't be able to drive again until at least the Spring. And, of course, i'm the only one around who can take her on her errands, to doc appt's and etc. Lately, when i'm driving her around, i've felt like she was looking at me like she knows something's wrong with me. and i hate that look.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been trying to research stuff on the internet but can't seem to find any advice about how to stop this. I've been taking meds for about 7 years now. Been doing the counseling thing. All the so called information says to do the same thing or things. What is one supposed to do when those things just don't work?

And, I know when i see my counselor tomorrow, she's going to ask me about stupid suicidal thoughts. Do I tell her the truth? Obviously, telling her the truth is probably the best thing to do. But how can telling her help? Nothing else has helped. And, if i told her the truth, do i get locked up? I've always been against that. But, I'm getting to the point where I really don't know what to do or what i can do anymore....

Sorry to hear about that. I think honesty is the best way forward in all of this. Your counsellor is paid to do his/her job. And if you dont feel comfortable with the counsellor you can always find someone else. Although admittedly i know it is hard to find a good counsellor !

Keep the faith. If you are true to yourself then the battle is half won.

I don't know how to fix this for you but I do understand to well. Hugs for your day... Hope you find answers soon.

cafegrrrl,

First, yes tell the truth. What can she do? That's a hard one. I suppose she can talk you though what is going on and/or change your meds differently than planned...maybe something to stabilize your mood?

You have a lot going on these days...your mom and a new job. I can only imagine how hard it is to know that someone is so dependent upon you.

All I can provide are hugs and you know we are all here to listen when you need an "ear."
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