the inability to sleep is maddening

I don't think i have ever slept in a normal capacity.
As in, going to bed at 9-10 pm, getting up at 7-8 am.
Ever.

I recall even in junior high, grade school- being up at 2-5 am- cleaning, because it was the only quiet thing to do in the house, with everyone else sleeping.
organizing sock drawers, redoing my closet- little crafts- hoping no one saw the light on because then they would force me to just lay there in the dark- with nothing to do.
I remember going to school exhausted all the time-
going to work later in life, exhausted all the time.
ive tried everything from dark rooms, cool rooms, blankets, none, music, warm milk, melatonin to prescription items-
nothing has ever worked- when i sleep i sleep spurts at a time-
always making me feel groggy or unconnected-
and when im tired, it takes a good 2 hours just to fall asleep- only to wake up a few hours later.

its very tedious, very maddening, very emotional draining.
I watch my friends, or various people I have dated, my ex husband going to sleep and sleep 8-10 even 12 hours on the weekend and I just can't get over the jealousy of that ability.

its 430 am, and ive been up for 27 hours right now.

Hi, ElementalAlchemy! I thoroughly agree - the inability to sleep is maddening!

You are describing a chronic sleep problem that, situation permitting, should be investigated. Here at PsychCentral there is a Sleep Issues & Dream Interpretation Forum where you may be able to collect coping strategies from other insomnia sufferers.

I know exactly how ya feel. I can't sleep for very long either. If i do ever manage to fall asleep at like 9 or 10 i'd be awake again at 12 or something like that. An no matter how hard i try i jus can't sleep! Sometimes i'm not even tired for days but then sometimes fortunately my depression is really bad an i could sleep all day! Thats the good thing bout depression. But i've had sleepin problems since i was at school too an it is so frustrating! Hope you can find some way of helping you to sleep! Take care!

Ooooo, I can soooo relate, ElementalAlchemy. I've had a sleep disorder my entire life - even as a toddler I was a live wire all night long (possibly due to spinal cord and sciatic nerve damage from a birth defect in my lumbar spine - but no one knows for sure). When I was elementary school age, I taught myself a form of self-hypnotism to put myself to sleep, and have continued to use that technique throughout my life - sometimes it works, and sometimes nothing helps. I'm awake. Restless. Antsy. Period. It really interfered with school and, later on, work. I have found that if I get upset about it, that just pumps more adrenaline into my system - then I'm up cleaning out drawers, reorganizing, cleaning, etc. It is not uncommon for me to be awake more than 24 hours at least a couple of times a week. Soooo frustrating. I use all of the same techniques - warm milk, warm shower or bath, soft music with no lyrics, just lying very still. I have to take massive doses of antihistamines now to suppress my immune-system and this has helped with my sleep a bit. Thanks to (((Rohag))) for pointing out the other Forum - I believe I will visit it myself. Feeling for you, ElementalAlchemy, and all of our other fellow insomniacs.

Oh yes - isn't it wonderful that people can just lay down and sleep through a whole night, wake up and their brain is already starting the day.

I go to sleep fast wake up 15 minutes later. Up ever 2 hours or more..
Docs given me lamitcal and wellburtin... My goodness I've got some sleep I couldn't believe it - still not perfected yet.

Also growing up I never every slept... I would clean house and turn on the t.v. real quite and watch it...

I also had other reason for not sleeping the night did not feel safe to me.

At one time I had totally reversed my sleep to days... didn't do it on purpose.

I understand and feel for you - It makes my brain crazy with no sleep

That was my first post- and wow- thanks for responding...I may feel maddened, but at least I am not alone.

I think for me, part of my problem, as starlite*111 grazed upon is that as a child, I slept on defense- I was always waiting for when my dad came home- and it was terrible what happened when he did, but it was worse being woken to it.
I never thought about it, but maybe still I sleep defensively.
I am 34 years old now, but even though I am married, I have to sleep in my own room, and lock the door pretty much every night. So I guess I never felt safe, even to this day.
While there is no danger anymore, maybe my brain just doesn't know any better..

I have tried things like sominex, and ambian etc- but even when it did put me to sleep, it was like being under anesthia if that makes any sense---it was like....being aware, but numb. Not restful at all- and hazy..like being in a tub that is too warm, but unable to really move out of it-

Rohag, I appreciate the direction to the other forum- I will defiantely check it out.

I don't expect to ever lay down at sleep ten hours a night like some people do- but I would like to have some expectations of the ability to control when I can shut down instead of literally feeling like I am ready to collapse. It always feels very unpredictable and frustrating, being tired and just unable to sleep and give my brain a break.

Thank you to everyone who posted..