Just need to vent......

Hi everyone,

I don't normally post on here, due to the fact that I am not currently dx with depression......I suffer from Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder and the extreme symptoms of perimenpause. I am 36......

PMDD is treated usually with anti-depressants and birth control pills......peri is usually controlled by anti-depressants, HRT and benzo's.......so I got both whammys coming straight for me right now.......and I am in the biggest pit.

I was put on AD's(after being off them for a few years) and they made me suicidal(most likely due to the shutting down of the ovaries and different hormone fluctuations), the BCP fixed some of the symptoms and made others worse. I am hesitant to take the HRT due to our family's history with an aggressive strain of breast cancer......I will end up taking it though as the symptoms become unbearable at times. Like now

The difference between clinical/endogenous depression and PMDD is the cycles. PMDD is cyclic and corresponds to physiological markers.....however, it can be the same intensity to Major Depressive Disorder.......so every month or when my cycle decides to kick in, I am floored. Suicidal, rage, crying, irritability, acute fatigue, insomnia and all the lovely physical attributes that go along with it.......I feel like once a cycle I go through a combine harvester and it can last up to 3 weeks.

I feel like I am being pulled in half......I don't know who I am......and the most AWFUL nightmares.......I just want to cry and cry and cry......

Thanks for listening everybody......

Michah

Wow, Michah. I only had a vague idea of PMDD - you've painted a vivid, scary image. Thank you for venting here. Vent as much as you need.

(((((Michah))))))))))))))))))))) my heart is with you ...
wiping tears for you
and giving you a hug a big one

Oh babe!!! I am crying too!! I am passing you a virtual aloe vera tissue, a hot cuppa, a big shoulder and the warmest hug I can find......

We will get through this......all of us......together....thank you.....tahnk you

Much love,

Michah

Thanks Rohag for your invitation......it was much needed......I only hesitate due to my sensitivity to people who suffer from true clinical/endogenous depression.......as it is a proven psychiatric disorder.......I do not want to take away from people who deal with this.......as PMDD yes, is listed in the DSM, but is constantly contested as being a "true psych disorder"......despite the fact that it is treated in the same way as clinical depression. Go figure.....and yes, it is terrifying......and there is usually no warning.....I tend to wake up with it......and thats it for 2 or 3 weeks....

So thank you, again......an invitation is just what I needed......I hope others feel comfortable with this.......I am very conscious of not upsetting people unnecessarily.

Hugs,

Michah