The Holidays make me feel more depressed.

I'm so sorry about your mother Susan . I will try my best to get through it , even though I know it's going to be tough. Thanks for the good advice . Much love to you too

My feelings are the same for the holidays-Christmas is the worse for me. My step-son was killed December 26, 1999 and Sandy, my step daughter-in-law, was murdered December 5,2001. We were all close. Sandy was the one who pulled out my tree and we all would decorate. Every year we all would drive around with the 3 children to look at the lights. The fun is out of it now. I have a next door neighbor who is big on Christmas. She wants to decorate my place since we have porches together. I live in an apartment. My sister and her husband are always telling me they are going to put up a tree in my apartment. I refuse to have one. I am not against the spirit of the holidays-the giving-the love that goes out. I just can't get the happy feeling so many others have. I try to find one thing to enjoy each holiday to cope with being so alone now. I will not decorate but I don't have young children. The holidays are special for the children. I just never knew that so many are like my self when it comes to the holiday blues. Depression makes everything darker.
I never though about donating some time to help someone before. I have focused on how I felt and not what someone might need. There are a lot of lonely people in the nursing homes who might need a reader. The soup kitchen might even need help.
I am letting you know that you are not alone. If you need to write me-feel free to do so. I am somewhat new to the site but I am learning alot from so many caring people who had or are going through what we are dealing with. I don't know if I have helped you any but hang in there. 2010 is not too far away. Take care, Cathy

Hell! Just the first days of november and the Xmas haunt is already crippling people?!?

Hi, Babysteps. I'm sorry that the holidays have been rough for you for so many years, and for many others here, as well. I offer many hugs and wish comfort and consolation for you and everyone else who suffers this way. I can relate - it was the same for me for many, many years.

I have written a rather extensive reply to your question, but I don't want to hijack your thread. I also know that some people could possibly be triggered by and/or take offense at my "directness," so I have posted my reply in its own thread entitled, "My Holidays."

For those among the very sensitive, or who just don't care for how I think and express myself, they probably should not read my thread as I have no desire to add to anyone's distress and suffering.

I hope you and everyone else can find ways to make the holidays something to look forward to, rather than something to dread.

I'm with you in those thoughts my friend.

Babysteps, friend, it's ok if you don't feel you can celebrate. Is it Ok if I hold you in my heart when we do? I guess it would feel as if in some strange way we could share, and maybe some of the peace (we aren't big party people) could be yours as well. Hope this doesn't sound too wierd.

, Babysteps, this is true for me too.
Think Pomegranate got a big part of it right on the mark for me. The illusions of shoulds and pretending. This whole outward charade of impossibly high expectations. No thanks.
I've always gone pretty darn low key. Tried a few years ago to "make it mine" by getting some ornaments and stuff that *I* really liked -- non-traditional colors. Which worked ever so slightly. Last year I really flipped out taking the tree apart. Once again, I had done all the work (not a ton, but still) while DH and DS sat around and I didn't even care about the stupid holiday! I kept shouting, "I'M NOT DOING THIS EVER AGAIN!" (among many many other things....) And I meant it.

Even so, I do like Nightbird's idea. Because, if nothing else, I'm totally aesthetically inclined. Extreme minimalism. Just a little pretty bit. Perfect.

It's the seemingly "obligatory" gift thing I hate the most. Not doing it.

Well, I don't know how it is in Italy, but here it's a total over-the-top barrage from mid/late October on. Completely out of hand. Even if you don't buy in to it, it's hard to escape. And with such a hard sell of perfectionism, it's hard not to feel bad, even if you know it's not real. Maybe some part of us wants to believe it could be, who knows?

Best thoughts for everyone to do or not do any part of the season YOU personally do or don't want to do. It's OK. More than ok. Encouraged. Says so right here in the Official Rule Book. So says me.

I do feel that way. In my child hood the ONLY time there was a 'gathering' in the same room, on a coffee table were we allowed to sit in the same room with the 'parents'. The poodle had it better than we did, he could sit right under their table. We had to sit in the kitchen, weren't allowed to talk....
Holidays, so every holiday was make believe for her.........
She ruined every single holiday that came around including my birthday.
So I go through panic attacks if someone brings attention to the holiday yet has never shown any connect any other time.
All I do now is make gift packages for my Grandchild who live in different states. Which is a good thing - cuz I just don't do holidays.... I do like the food though.
Thanx for sharing... And they are coming quick. I even have a very description for New Years Eve. I like it. I feel it's right on the money, other feel it to be very depressing... ruins their drunk I suppose.
Starlite