[Naturefreak]

I was in the mall the other day and all the stores are stocking up on Christmas decorations and gifts. I used to look forward to Christmas.
It is supposed to be a joyful time of year . Not for me , I get more depressed during the holidays. This has been going on for about 20 years now and every year I tell myself I am going to be more depressed and it always happens. Didn't even bother with a tree last year. I feel a relief when it is all done and over with . It has nothing to do with spending money and giving . I just don't feel the spirit I used to feel . Does anyone else feel this way , and if so what do you do to enjoy the holidays more. I give to the less fortunate , I don't think I'm a Scrooge . I just do not look forward to it.

[ECHOES]

If the holiday is not for you then you could create your own babysteps holiday traditions. You could begin to think about what you would like to do. You could plan to visit art museums near you if you like that, start a list of movies you have been wanting to watch but haven't yet, you could volunteer your time and kindness somewhere, take up a new hobby as a gift to yourself...

[idontknow13]

I know exactly what you mean. I always have a harder time during the holidays. For the sake of my family I try to put on a happy face but it is getting harder and harder. In my case I think a lot has to do with the fact that when I was a child it was about the birth of Christ and about giving , love and big family reunions, now I feel it is just so commercial, all about buying, buying and receiving. For years now I have been telling my grown up kids that I will put their gift's money towards helping less fortunate kids around the world but if I do that they will disown me! One of these years, I will do what I want at Christmas, I will send money to kids who need it and I will go visit with elderly people who are alone during the holidays. But for now, I have to be there for my aging parents and my spoiled grownup kids....
(((((Babysteps))))) I really hope this year's holidays are better for you and maybe we will meet here and be real and share...

[MyHeadHurts]

((((( Babysteps ))))) I know exactly how you feel.

I hate the holidays, too. I was counting down the hours until Halloween ended last night (while I hid in the dark hoping nobody would come to my door - thankfully my daughter slept over at a friend's house), and now I just want Christmas to be over with too. Thanksgiving is already out of the way here in Canada, thank goodness.

I try so hard to show some enthusiasm for it every year for my daughter's sake, but like you, that's getting more and more difficult. Bah humbug.

MHH

[Rohag]

Hark! The Herald Tribune sings, advertising wondrous things...

- Tom Lehrer, A Christmas Carol (I recommend the 3:06 version on YouTube)

I think I can say I am not more depressed during the holiday season than other times of year simply because I participate so little in society and seasonal activities in general. For example, it has been years since I've seen the inside of a shopping mall. We have a few home-based traditions we participate in, but they're not preparation intensive. My long-suffering, beloved spouse will go off to visit family for a few days, leaving me in the company of the Mutant Shepherd, who, though bossy at times, is never critical.

Originally Posted by ECHOES

...you could create your own babysteps holiday traditions.

ECHOES, that's a crackerjack suggestion!

Originally Posted by idontknow13

maybe we will meet here and be real and share...

And that's a crackerjack suggestion, too!

For What It's Worth: "holiday depression" Google search

[ECHOES]

leaving me in the company of the Mutant Shepherd, who, though bossy at times, is never critical.

Give that dog a huge Christmas treat!

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Babysteps ))))))))))))))))

[kebsfroggy]

Babysteps I think you will find others that share your feelings about the holidays. Now that my family is gone I just don't feel much like celebrating anything.

kebs

[nikola6]

I too dread the Holidays. I always feel a huge relief when they are over with. I'm still single at 39, so being around my family just reminds me that I don't have my own. I am geographically close with my family, but not emotionally--it's a pretty dysfunctional situation. I think we're all pretty screwed up and that makes me sad as well. I genuinely enjoy giving gifts and being generous, but there is an underlying emptiness to all the ritual.

[Naturefreak]

Thanks everyone for your replies and hugs .
I'm not too sure if they are crackerjack suggestions Rohag , and if they are I enjoy crackerjacks more than I enjoy Christmas.
I treat the dogs with treats and usually eat take out and share it with them . Then they sometimes puke and I clean it up , but they enjoy it.

[Briester]

Hi Babysteps. I have the same feeling towards Christmas. When I was little and so excited about everything and the dazzle and surprise of it all I loved it. As I got older that joy seemed to wane as I began seeing how much of it on the outside was just about marketing and selling things to people. I'm not even Christian so I don't get anything religious out of it either.

My mother loved it and decorated the house so nice during the holidays but she died in 2001 and it's just never been the same since, even though I didn't like it then. Sometimes I wish I could just turn into a bear and hibernate through the Winter and avoid it all. Now I guess I have to fain some happiness over it because of our baby and I don't want him missing out on the glitter and fun like I once enjoyed.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone in this.

Warm wishes for the nolidays.
Chris

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Babysteps

I treat the dogs with treats and usually eat take out and share it with them . Then they sometimes puke and I clean it up , but they enjoy it.

That's a nice tradition! I could get into that.

Babysteps, rereading your original post, I'm wondering if you want to

• restore the joy you once had in the holidays, or
• reduce the depression you feel this time of year, or
• find something to look forward to at Christmastime, or
• all or some combination of the above?

Lots of people find the holidays difficult; can you put your finger on what you are hoping for?

Originally Posted by Babysteps

I was in the mall the other day and all the stores are stocking up on Christmas decorations and gifts. I used to look forward to Christmas.
It is supposed to be a joyful time of year . Not for me , I get more depressed during the holidays. This has been going on for about 20 years now and every year I tell myself I am going to be more depressed and it always happens. Didn't even bother with a tree last year. I feel a relief when it is all done and over with . It has nothing to do with spending money and giving . I just don't feel the spirit I used to feel . Does anyone else feel this way , and if so what do you do to enjoy the holidays more. I give to the less fortunate , I don't think I'm a Scrooge . I just do not look forward to it.

I know exactly how you feel.
I don't enjoy the holidays anymore either- it's just another s****y blah day. For the most part I just like to sleep through Thanksgiving and Christmas day- it's nothing special. Nothing to be happy about. Don't get a tree here either- to much to bother with, some years don't have the money anyway.

Originally Posted by MyHeadHurts

((((( Babysteps ))))) I know exactly how you feel.

I hate the holidays, too. I was counting down the hours until Halloween ended last night (while I hid in the dark hoping nobody would come to my door - thankfully my daughter slept over at a friend's house), and now I just want Christmas to be over with too. Thanksgiving is already out of the way here in Canada, thank goodness.

I try so hard to show some enthusiasm for it every year for my daughter's sake, but like you, that's getting more and more difficult. Bah humbug.

MHH

MyHeadHurts,

I too was counting down the hours for Halloween to end.
I kept all lights off but one very, very low lit lamp.
I was also hoping no one would knock on the door.

[Pomegranate]

I'm right there with you Babysteps. I haven't looked forward to or enjoyed the holidays for many years now. One thing that seems to help me is to remember to not compare my insides with others outsides. Many, many people feel let down at least, if not down right depressed during the holidays. TV, advertising, even other people pretending to be what they think they "should" be, has formed this illusion of what "the holidays" should be, and have sky rocketed expectations so high that no one really can meet them.

I have lowered my expectations to ZERO. I accept that the holiday season will not be anything special for me. That I may even be feeling quite depressed. I try to take it one day or hour at a time. I enjoy the parts I enjoy - like listening to certain kinds of holiday music or watching tv specials - and all the other stuff about being with family and having a nice time, ...well I do not go there. I don't see my family, I have very little contact with them. I no longer blame myself for that. If I could be around them and feel supported or at least okay, I would do that. But after all these years I now realise that is not going to happen and that is okay.

My holiday season is just like the rest of the year pretty much. No tree or decorations. Just my husband and I enjoying ourselves together in the same small ways we do all year round: being with each other, movies, going out for dinner, walks with the dogs, enjoying nature.

[Mysterious]

The holidays always seem to be rough to deal with. A lot of people can't wait for it to be done and over with. The shopping maddness, wondering if they'll like your gifts, the other grouchy shoppers. It just rubs off I think, and every year we begin to dread it. I work in a place where we sell Christmas items 9 months a year. It seems to be never-ending.

[lynn P.]

I feel the same way also but I have to try to get in the spirit for my girls. We didn't do Halloween either even though my girls are 7 and 11. Firstly they were both sick but we also didn't have the extra money to buy costumes and candy to give out. Instead we bought ourselves candy and rented a scarey movie. Usually if you don't have any decorations or a light on people won't come to your house - we even put a note on the door saying DON"T KNOCK. Well do you think that would stop them - Nooooo! - they still knocked!!!

Regarding Christmas I think my first negative association was when I was a kid. Don't get me wrong we always decorated and I got lots of gift being the baby(Hee hee). My father died when I was 2 on Dec 18 so there was always this under lying sadness although she tried to hide it.

Now a days I hate how commercial it's become - all about gifts. It totally bugs me the way the stores start stocking shelves right after halloween and one radio station in Michigan starts playing non-stop Xmas music on the radio at the beginning of November. I think it's become all about gifts and nothing else. Its also too much pressure and I frankly hate it.

I 'm usually not this negative in my posts and sorry if this ones so yucky sounding, but that's how I truly feel.

[nightbird]

Hi All,

I too, know those feelings also. I live so far away from all that I know and loved about the holidays ~ it doesn't seem the same here where I am now.

So... this is what I've been up to ~ hopefully it will counter the empty feeling, and the dive I know is waiting if I don't fill the void...

I have gotten this nice garland with the tiniest, most colorful lights, and I put them on now, yup.... I call them my anti-depressing lights!

It works too.

I started last year when I heard a cancer patient say how she uses light therapy to help her get thru her days! A lightbulb went off... and I went to a World Bazaar type store and bought a colored star, in a pinky-violet, with cutouts that have white background on them... perhaps you have seen these stars?

Anyway, I put in a energy-saver light bulb, and use it almost every night, as I have it hanging near the fireplace.

Between the garlands ~ also with white artificial branches, and this star ~ I have staved off that mean old depression so far!

So, just a suggestion, as light therapy works for many people.

Best to you all... and you know, some years I just told myself I will celebrate another time, more suitable for me, and that seemed to help as well.

To each our own...

Peace and Hope,
Night
xoxo

[Briester]

Thanks nightbird.

I do recall when I was young I once kept a string of white christmas lights hung up around my bedroom all year long and I so loved seeing them. It made me happy. In the many years since though those little lights and the one in my heart grew faint and finally died. Though I can't recall my feelings with them or anything else that "normal" people seem to find happiness in, I'm glad that others can have a bit of what I once had and lost.

Sorry about my post going downhill everyone..

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by Briester

My mother loved it and decorated the house so nice during the holidays but she died in 2001 and it's just never been the same since, even though I didn't like it then. .

Briester , That is a BIG reason why I'm not the same at Christmas also.
My mother died in 1996 and stepmother in 2007 . Both of them loved Christmas .

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Babysteps, rereading your original post, I'm wondering if you want to

• restore the joy you once had in the holidays, or
• reduce the depression you feel this time of year, or
• find something to look forward to at Christmastime, or
• all or some combination of the above?

Lots of people find the holidays difficult; can you put your finger on what you are hoping for?

I just would like to enjoy it , reduce the depression , reduce the stress and anxiety from shopping , find something to look forward to and just have a different attitude towards it. HOPING for is just that.
I don't even enjoy the music anymore . I do still try to watch "A Christmas Carol " with Allister Simm . I watch that every year it seems.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

My holiday season is just like the rest of the year pretty much. No tree or decorations. Just my husband and I enjoying ourselves together in the same small ways we do all year round: being with each other, movies, going out for dinner, walks with the dogs, enjoying nature.

Ditto Pom , Except for the spouse part.

[Naturefreak]

Originally Posted by nightbird

Hi All,

I have gotten this nice garland with the tiniest, most colorful lights, and I put them on now, yup.... I call them my anti-depressing lights!

It works too.

Thanks Nightbird , It's certainly worth a try .

[stieg]

Count me in too. The holiday blues suck badly. Being single and not having friends is extremely deppressing. This isn't fair.

[susan888]

(((Chris)))
My Mom died the day after Christmas 3 years ago this year. She was actively dying on Christmas day...her birthday was December 27th...Since then, Christmas has become a very emotional time for me.

My Mom always loved Christmas. Last year, I sucked it up and decorated (the house she used to decorate)....OMG so many tears, so much pain...but after that....I looked around and realized that maybe she would have been proud of me. It's so hard.....but Chris...I am steeling myself up to do it again this year even though I would rather ignore it...

Chris, I know that your situation is so different than mine. I wish you and your father were close. Regardless of your father..maybe you should just get a little tree and decorate in memory of your Mother and Step-Mother. Buy your sweet dogs presents and make yourself and them a good dinner...cry...laugh...remember the good.

Much love to you my friend,
Susan