Question about companionship

So...this is the first time that I've ever asked a question on the site and I'm a little nervous. I am a very introverted person so not very comfortable around people even family at times. My Dr keeps bringing up the issue of companionship. I've explained many times that I can't take being around people and would much rather be by myself. Why does he keep pressing the issue? Why is it so important? People just "drain my batteries" faster than anything I can think of.

Hi Nordic, I'm glad you posted

I'm an introvert too. I know exactly what you mean when you say people drain your batteries. It takes a lot of effort for me to spend extended amounts of time around other people, and if I don't get some alone time every day I start to get irritable, jumpy, and very, very tired. Some of us just aren't social butterflies.

I think that the reason your doctor presses the issue of companionship is because humans are, by nature, social animals. We just happen to have evolved that way. I think what your doctor is more concerned about is that you have someone you feel you can open up to about your problems. Depression is a torturous illness to have, and sometimes it can help to talk about how we're feeling with people who care about us. I don't think he wants you to start going to every party and changing your lifestyle in dramatic ways; he's probably just concerned that you don't have anyone to talk to, to help you release some of the things you might have on your mind. It's comforting and therapeutic to talk things out. Depression tends to isolate us to the point where we spend most of or all of our time with our own thoughts, which can become very painful if not dangerous. The companionship of others can help us deal with those thoughts, or maybe help us forget them for a little while.

If there's no one in your life you feel you can talk to about this, what about a therapist? If you don't have one, therapists are fantastic because you don't have to keep up any kind of facade with them. You don't have to work on your relationship with them. You don't have to pretend you're fine when you're not, and you don't have to try to impress them. They don't drain your energy in the same sense as being with other people because you're not there to socialize, you're there to work on getting well.

I'm very glad you posted and I hope you keep us updated on how you're doing.

Hi Nordic and welcome to PC. I too experienced for many years similar issues in that I felt that being around people just drain me. Even now when I'm in a big crowd all I want to do is get out (unless I'm in India with my wife for some reason). The thing to try to remember and I know it's SO hard at times is that by and large, human beings ARE social animals. Our species survived and prospered because we HAD to rely on the group for survival. Nowadays it's not so important and people can live without other people being around but we still need people. We need the people who make computers and maintain the internet so we can login here. We need the farmers who grow the food and the stores we buy that food from. It's all people. We need the clothes people in the world make for us to wear.

It really sounds like your Dr. is asking this question to get you to ask it of yourself. Maybe not so much why you don't have someone but why you feel you don't want/need someone. As I said I felt like that many times until one day I met my [then] wife to be and it all changed. I need her now and since we had the baby, I really need him too. I'm guessing at some point in time someone outside yourself or family hurt you, maybe more than one and more than one person or said something hateful to you when you were small. In order to protect ourselves from that pain we build up these walls to keep others out but what we really do is cut ourselves off from the ebb and flow of all life which causes us to feel even worse at times.

Just search yourself and your spirit to find out why this question is bothering you so much and if need be ask you Dr. why he keeps asking.

I hope this has helped, if even a little.

Be well.

Chris

We were writing at the same time Justfloating. Sorry for my repost of what you said.

Welcome, Nordic. There is a growing body of research attesting to the benefit of having a pet as a companion. Perhaps, your doctor was alluding to an animal companion?

After reading your post, I also did a quick search for articles on the effect of isolation on emotional health. justfloating and Briester have already talked about some of the information I found. While not directly on point with your query or your present circumstances, you may find something of interest in these articles:

http://www.medicinenet.com/emotional...ss/article.htm

http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1898

Good luck.

Thanks for all the thoughts. I appreciate them all.

Good posts above, but just to throw a wrench into everything, I also think you have the right to remind your doc that this really isn't a topic you wish to work on just yet. Either he will respect you and back off, or he will feel that as a responsible docotr he needs to continue (also a type of respect), and then should explain why he or she thinks this is important. Good luck and thanks for posting

I agree with your comment Lonegael. The doc has a responsibility to his patient too.

I am a hermit pretty much. I have mostly internet friends and few friends IRL but I enjoy my cats, dog and horse more than people. They are all the companions I need.

My therapist encouraged me to seek human companionship via a local singles group and I did enjoy dinner with people but otherwise I was bored. It wasn't for me.

((((((Nordic))))))) I am the same as you. The less time I spend around most people, the better I feel. Most people who aren't like us can't understand that. And our society in general seems to think there is something wrong with you if you don't have lots of friends and family all around you. I used to beat myself up and, like the well meaning Dr., kept telling myself there was something "wrong" with me because I found being around people very stressful.

Once I started respecting my own feelings and values, living my life in a way that made me feel much more comfortable, I was happier and much less stressed.

A couple of people have mentioned animal companions and I wanted to say I think that's a great idea. I've had all kinds of pets for most of my life -- dogs, guinea pigs, hamsters... Right now I have two dogs at home and being with them is a wonderful way to spend time "connecting" with someone who DOESN'T drain my batteries, ever. They are my babies and very much a part of my family, and whenever I'm down they make me feel much better. They love me unconditionally and they're always up for a good cuddle. Plus, you don't have to worry about impressing them or accidentally saying/doing the wrong thing. Unfortunately I go to school very far from home so I don't see them that much any more, but whenever I'm at home, my dogs sleep in the same bed as me, and I find that I actually sleep much better with them there. Once I'm out of school and living on my own, the first thing I'm doing is getting another dog. I really think that there are serious health benefits to having a pet!